This is perhaps not something discussed very much on the start of a new relationship.
You try and appear as perfect as possible within the first couple of months. Therefore your bathroom habits become null and void. I don't even like peeing when Small Bum is in my flat. I always have perfume sprayed in the appropriate places, and I am still wearing my best underwear. I only thing he really knows about my bio-rhythyms is when I am on, and even then, he doesn't know much - just that I get cramps.
In my last relationship, and this is because I lived with the guy, and because we saw each other for a looong time, it was practically normal to, um, pass wind within close proximity of each other.
I don't want that in this relationship. Ever. And for now, it's taking its toll. If we say, go out, and then come back to my place together, by the end of the night I am so bloated from holding everything in, I could pretty much take off like a hot air balloon.
Then I have to hold it in for another 8 hours while we sleep. The next morning, I am MOST uncomfortable.
Except, now I wake up horrified during the night, because - and how do I put this without sounding crass - I wake up because I farted in my sleep. Not loudly mind you, but I know it happened. Does he know? Probably, I don't know, but nice, perfect ladies don't ever do this!
I've already told him that we must never do this in front of each other to keep some sort of romantic thread alive, especially after a while together.
Do I leave the room? Do I go for a brisk walk?
Am I the only one in the world that is having this untimely problem?
All I can do really is hope that it goes away when I start to relax. In the meantime, I shave every single day, wear new underwear and smell like a bunch of roses.
Women insecurities are the pits.