Tuesday, March 14, 2006

porny pearls

Some of you may have read this on Ant’s blog, but for the misinformed, Small Bum and I had a discussion about 'pearl necklacing' over the weekend. It went as such:

Me: Ever done a pearl necklace?
SB: No, was never that intimate with my previous shags. You?
Me: Yes I have. Wanna do it?
Me: But you have to, you know, do it between my boobies.
SB: That's not a pearl necklace! That's a...titty fuck.
Me: Titty fuck? Dirty talk I can do, derogatory talk I cannot, dude face.
SB: OK then...a Booby Boof?
Me: Better. So can we do it sometime?
SB: Sure, how about next week?
Me: Suits me fine.

I'll keep you posted.

I love that I have slept with less people than he has yet seem to have done more experimental stuff. I’m playing the teacher role at the moment, and I rather like it.

Before meeting yours truly, he had never tried out my favourite position before. I’m thinking he was a missionary man for the most part. My favourite position basically involves a tangle of arms and legs, me sitting on top of him on the edge of a hard surface. The Edgy Cock A Doodle Do if you will. It doesn’t involve cranium-bending creativity. Some of the best sexual positions are the most simple.

To do this week:
- Indulge in a pearl necklace.
- Buy Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star from Exclusive Books. (Who’ll be begging for it now, huh? ;)
- Burn my ex S’s accounting textbooks that I found at the bottom of the linen cupboard.
- Attend Blog Awards on Thursday evening with Third World Ant.
- Attend Oppenheimer birthday party on Friday at booked-out club in Rosebank.
- Chill the fuck out about ex S and Booby Bitch.


It is the question said...

Oh good grief. Are you one of a kind?

How do you meet girls like you and realise that you have....

Peas on Toast said...

I'd like to think I am, but I'm probably not. I just talk about this stuff more. :)

To meet girls like myself, my dear, is pretty easy. We're always the loud, OTT types that enjoy dancing on bar counters, drinking men under the table and groping people's bums. And most importantly, we our open about the fact that we like a good shag now and then.

(Just the types you want to bring home to your mum :)

Jam said...

I love the fact that you're so open about it all Peas. It makes the rest of us who are like you feel more normal... :)
Do report back!!

Peas on Toast said...

:) Glad I can entertain. The report back may be more sort of subdued though. Not sure if anyone really wants to know all those details...:)

TheStickWithMeKids said...

I find it difficult to believe that your ex S allowed you to indulge in such monkey bonking if he was an accountant! Aren't they supposed to be the boring types?

Peas on Toast said...

I don't generally go for accountants at all. He was different, if you can believe it, and although he studied accounting, he was more a business strategist.
So the sex was better than one might think.

TheStickWithMeKids said...

aha - so he could strategise on his next position. Probably spent a lot of time thinking about his next...erm...hostile takeover? I can just imaging the foreplay. ...oooh yeah baby...I'm gonna infiltrate your board, that's it - I'm buying all the shares, how's this for a merger huh?

Jam said...

Maybe he was using the accounting textbook to avoid prematurely ruining the sex...

Peas on Toast said...

the stickwithmekids and Jam - perhaps :)
But in all honesty, and as much as I don't want to defend the little shit, I went out with him long enough to warrant good enough sex.

Still, rather nice not having to put up with the whole accountant repertoire for a change...;)

Antoine said...

and the teabagging?

It did not make your tdl?


Christopher said...

'pearl necklacing' has never really appealed to me but I, uh, hope it goes well.

I thought you'd quit the Blog world! I found you again via Stephanie...you weren't trying to lose me where you?


Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - still need to catch up on teabagging with Ant tonight.

Chris - not at all! I basically panicked last week and sent my first six blogrollers my new address. I figured you'd get the address from Steph. I feel bad, cos a lot of other regulars haven't found me yet, but I'm hoping they will via the bloggy grapevine. But lovely to have you back all the same. x

Stephanie said...

Enjoy the booby boof :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Steph. Regrettably was too tired last night to even contemplate sex, nevermind booby boofs.

And for lack of libido either. I'm just zonked.