Friday, March 10, 2006

shaven haven

Most guys will look directly at your boobs or ass when they first meet you.
Small Bum looked at my feet.
He has a wierd foot fetish. He blatantly told me when we first started seeing each other that he cannot be with a girl with ugly feet.

I have ugly feet.

I did ballet, so my toes are exquisitely crushed into unsightly hammer toes, and I unwittingly got a hold of my mum's razor when I was four years old and shaved my feet, so I have a beautiful fuzzy ridge down the centre of my feet.
He calls me Frodo.

"You don't have the most attractive feet in the world (Peas), but the rest of you makes up for it." I didn't know whether to take this as a compliment or a diplomatic innuendo for 'your feet are fucking ugly.'

So Third World Ant phoned me, whilst I was eating sushi at Chao Thai, and told me to get home because she had bought wax strips and intended on dehairing my Frodo feet. What a mate.

It was fucking painful, where she and her boyfriend took glee in pulling my fuzz from my feet, but now they are smooth, dashing in fact.
I just hope Small Bum realises this isn't going to be a regular regime in my usual grooming mannerisms. Even if he did stroke them lovingly last night.

PS: I feel no guilt over Ex S. At sushi last night, my mate reiterated that "he has been going hammer and tongs pulling people left right and centre." It hurt. I drank lots of wine.
Hairless feet and pounding head.

23 comments:

Billy said...

Frodo! Brilliant!
I must agree with SB, feet are my thing too, i struggle to even interact with people with nasty feet.

Peas on Toast said...

What? Another wierd foot guy?
Thank God I adorn mine in stiletto heels.

The thing is, Small Bum's feet aren't incredible. They are totally hairless, and this is not attractive. Sure, if he had fuck-me feet, then I could understand, but judging mine when his aren't his best attribute (I'm more of a bum and legs girl myself - and his are superb) is just pants.

ATW said...

hi peas. & thanks to twa for putting me back onto your site. Glad to see you never really left. we could get into the debate of personal identity here. are mushy peas still peas? but another time....just out of interest your quest at dodging anyone who really wanted to find your blog would be pretty fruitless. just try googling ' "peas on toast" blog ' and see what comes up! i had some other comments on this at alwaysthewit.blogspot.com if you're bored..

Peas on Toast said...

Hey ATW

Ant and I had a discussion about you, funnily enough. We're suspiscious. We think we know who you are. Also, you don't have a blog. But it's cool, I've decided I actually don't care who finds my blog at this point, since everyone who is discussed here regularly has found it anyway.
Glad you enjoy reading my dramas - I really have no idea why anyone has interest in them, but good to know. :)
Pop in again and don't be afraid to reveal your identity - it's de rigour these days to know your readers see. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - sorry I didn't realise the site you'd written up there was yours. Thank you for your post about me and my blog, I am really rather touched. :)
And you're right - you know my name and where I shop. Hectic. Just promise you won't stalk me ok. :)

Antoine said...

The things you ladies do for us guys!!

Waxing gadgets I can understand - and perk at - waxing feet does seem rather extreme.

But as they say in the classics - "to each his - or in this case her - own"

Peas on Toast said...

I know Antoine - some might say I am whipped. And that's never a good rep to have.
(He did buy my groceries though, so I suppose it's not too bad in comparison.)

Third World Ant said...

Ah antoine, for all her shrieks last night, methinks the lady was protesting too much... it wasn't all that bad, Peas, was it? Two quick rips per foot, and voila! smoothness... Peas, as retribution to SB, why don't you suggest he get rid of some of that chest hair, eh? That'll shut him up in future!

Peas on Toast said...

You mean his euphemistically wonderful Austen Powers' very-localised shagpile rug?
No way china. I love running my fingers through it way too much. :) But will keep it on record for any future "I think you need to wax your ass" comments.

Not that I need to wax my ass at all everyone.

I have a low pain threshold Ant. Coupled with my drama queenisms, not shreiking would just not be cricket. But you did it well and as painlessly as you could. mwah xx

Mel C said...

Laurian,
Don't be an idiot. Wake up and smell the coffee. Anyone who wants to, knows your name. You are not anonymous. I don't know you personally, but I know your surname, what your father does, and there are not many academic/writers/computer geeks with that surname. Read the manual. To find out the above took 2 minutes...

Peas on Toast said...

Good to know.

It astounds me that someone like youself would want to find out that information.

Peas on Toast said...

PS: Don't care, don't care, don't care.

barbedwire said...

I know a guy who dumped someone for just having fat ankles.

I'm constantly amazed (slow learner) that so many of the men I know have such absolute, make-or-break criteria when it comes to women's feet and the kind of shoes they think you should be wearing. Based on this, any woman under 50 who owns a pair of Scholl sandals should actually just give up on ever having sex in her lifetime. It's just not an option.

Um, we are still talking about this, aren't we?

Peas on Toast said...

Barbedwire - Agreed about the Scholl sandals. Never in my lifetime. It will never happen. But dumping someone for having cankles? Surely he saw the cankles at the beginning, like before he started dating her?
Men and feet. Amazes me.
Scary Spice, are you listening to this?

broadzilla said...

Well, she also has yoooj breasts, so perhaps it just took him longer than usual to register the other bits.

barbedwire said...

Fuck, that last post was me. Sorry. Hijacking someone else's pc.

Peas on Toast said...

So I think its safe to conclude that we've figured men's trigger responses out:
1) Feet
2) Boobs
3) The rest

Who would've thought?

Jam said...

Feet eh?
What ever happened to brains?
Anyway - Small Bum looked at your feet and still appears to be with you (and shagging you) so what does THAT say?

Peas on Toast said...

...that I have overwhelmingly beautiful elbows?? ;)

Billy said...

Mel C's a bit agro!

Sorry Peas but i prefer you as peas, im sure Laurian is cool too but i dont get to hear my best mates stories monthly but Peas get my visit daily.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - I agree, I think Mel C/Scary Spice needs to get laid.
What bothers me is that she went out to find that information. Who gives a fuck about what my dad does or what my surname is?
Anyway let's stick to Peas, just cos it's more fun. :)

Billy said...

My dads in steel if that gets anyon's rocks off.

Happy friday peas.

Peas on Toast said...

ha ha - in steel eh??

You have a good day yourself Billy dear. :)