Friday, March 31, 2006

shit shit fuck fuck

Oh my bloody God and fuck.

I have severe memory loss. So I will recount what my boyfriend and Third World Ant told me I did last night. I don't think 'hammered' is an appropriate word here. Skullfucked is more like it.

Small Bum and I went to the Jolly Roger with his brother and two of my mates. This I remember. From 9:00pm, this is what apparently happened:
I tried to kiss my mates because they smoke and I wanted to taste smoke. I got mad when they didn't want to kiss me. I then asked Small Bum's friend if he'd be so kind as to kiss me, because he smokes. Eventually I made Small Bum smoke a cigarette and preceeded to fucking graunch him in the middle of a group of strangers.

It gets worse.
I slapped him. Because I apparently took offence to one of his jokes. I am not a slapper. (Only a slapper in the true sense of the word.) Jeeziz Christ I was a nightmare. I also gave a work colleague of his a hard time. Then I wanted to drive home. I, of course, thought I was fine to drive. Small Bum drove my car home, my mate followed. Then I started crying, because I was convinced Small Bum was having an affair with this mate. Who happens to be one of my best friends.

Third World Ant arrived home, to me screaming - no SKA-REAMING and crying in the garage downstairs. I carried on crying and being hysterical telling her that all men suck and quote unquote "I will never sleep with another man for as long as I live." Well we all know that's not true. Oh my Christmas. Nightmare.

Then, I got her to sms Ex R and tell him to come over.
Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
I also smsed him. Twice. "Where you come here now."

The only good thing that possibly came out of this evening is that I didn't smoke. I told Small Bum I completely understand if he doesn't want to be with me, because I certainly wouldn't want to be with me after this performance. Strangely he still does. Amazingly.
I emailed Ex R and left a message on mate's phone to apologise.
They don't seem too peturbed.
I am so embarrassed right now.

23 comments:

It is the question said...

Oh my word.

There's only one thing for it - get vanity plates that say "SLAP PER GP"

This is not far fetched. I saw plates the other day saying "BELTER GP"

Man, just imagine the attention you'd get at traffic lights. Not that you don't right now, but that's only speculation.

Poor SB. Watch out for that insecurity re him and your friend (given it's not far off from what your ex did to you). That alcohol's telling you you still have that pain buried somewhere.

Jam said...

Weird. When I first quit smoking, I did some pretty outrageous things when I was drunk too...a lot like what you're describing. And I have another friend who had a 10 hour fight with me about nothing when he quit smoking...

Even though last night seems like a disaster, I think it was a triumph 'cause you're still not smoking, and SB is still hanging in there!

Peas on Toast said...

It is the question - Getting vanity plates right now would only draw attention to myself, and trust me, that's not a good thing right now. :)
I wasn't even messy, silly drunk. I was Satan. I have got such loser's syndrome today.
But you're right about subliminal hurt. And being suspicious of mates. Because according to Third World Ant, I cried like a donkey last night over men and what scumbags they are, how I will never let someone hurt me again. And I bawled about stuff like a baby.

Shit.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - it's amazing he is still around. Seriously. He must be a sucker for punishment, because I was admin hell last night. I don't think high maintenance even describes it.

Shit. Shit. Shit.
If I'd smoked, none of this would've happened!!!!

Jam said...

If you'd smoked, you wouldn't be getting all of this other stuff out of your system!

And SB is no sucker - he clearly sees that you are worth every moment, good and bad. He seems to care for you much more deeply than he's letting on!

Hope your head's not too sore!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I'm not sure whether letting out all this stuff is good for society.
I think its safe to say I won't be Jolly Rogering any time soon.

It's nice to know that SB has seen me at my worst I suppose, and is still willing to stick around. Cos seriously, last night I was at my supreme worst.
I was truly truly awful.

Billy said...

Nice! That’s the steam let off!! Its all easy from here on in. You are not allowed loser syndrome today because:
a) You never smashed a vehicle.
b) SB still thinks the sun shines out your drunken ass.
c) The mates and ex aren’t pissed with you
d)You never smashed a vehicle.

Happy Thursday!

Peas on Toast said...

I love you Billy.

Billy said...

Ditto

Peas on Toast said...

:)

Phil said...

Brilliant. He he. Almost rolled on the floor upon reading. Have been there PLENTY. I think I have the WORLD record for drunken sms. Put it this way..in Nov 05 I sent 4500+ sms in the month....a good number of which there is no way I will admit to as I was MOLARS at the time.
Anyway VERY glad you are ok and that nothing has been seriously dented by your drunken jol - other than your EGO of course.

Peas on Toast said...

Phil - ok that has got to take the cake. 4500 sms'? You either know a helluva lot of people, or someone out there recieves a good dose of your affections at drunken moments. :)
I am glad, in retrospect, that it was only my ego that got a good denting.
However, I am sporadically bursting into tears and giggles at the same time, as patches of last night resurface. There are still very large gaps, but I am starting to remember stuff. It's bad. It's very very bad.

Jam said...

Dop 'n Dial

Peas on Toast said...

Next time, if there ever is a next time, I'm leaving my phone at home.

Antoine said...

*chuckle*

You have no idea how I laughed when I read this, given the fact I was also toasted the weekend and was quite pleased with myself that the worst thing I did was sing.

You gonna have to start smelling the roses to relax Peas - or have multiple O's. Both work for me :)

ATW said...

Pity the vodacom network falldownthis morning didn't happen last night!

So common is this problem thatencyclopediadramatica reports that some mobile operators even offer a service to disable your phone during drinking hours. Always said that the most powerful function on my phone is the off switch.

I love? the bits of memory that come scampering back into focus the next day. You can only but laugh at them. But the words of William James are probably most apt here. "Nothing you do is likely to destroy the universe."

Martin said...

Peas, just as a matter of interest: how much would you guess you spend on alcohol in an average month?

Then again, I'm sorry if asking you to guess is maybe a bit silly, what is your budgeted amount?

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - I know. When I tried to phone the respective people this morning to apologise, I couldn't get though. Most frustrating.

Martin - hmmmm, let's see. Last night I only spent R50. I actually didn't consume that much. Just too quickly and on an empty stomach.
I go out maybe twice/three times a week worst case scenario, spend between R50 and R100 if I drink...so let's say at R75 at twice a week, R150 a week, R600 a month??

I'm just your average alcoholic. I don't drink the fancy stuff all the time. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - thanks dear. Mutiple orgasms is exactly what I could do with right now.
If Small Bum will permit. Otherwise I'll see what my dildo is up to later.

Tash said...

Hi peas,

I can totally relate to ur experience of making a total arse under the influence of too many jugermeisters. 2 of my girlfriends and I had decided to go and paint the town black one Friday evening. After hitting Q-Ba, ended up @ Panache. From there things are a complete blur and train smash. My cuz and friend recalled to me of how i had behaved. After several hours of us being there, this chick goes up to my cuz and asks , is this girl with you, so my cuzzie reluctantly says yes, she then says, well u better watch her , coz she's starting to piss people off, WTF! so we left, decided to stop at Hot Dog Cafe, coz now im hungry, i start flirting with the HOT DOG vendor man!! How classy, then outside the petrol station, start flirting outrageously with this guy, while his girlfriend lay passed out in the car. I also mastered the art of pickpocketing as apparently i had some blue funny bangle on, that my cuz noticed and i said i didnt know where it came from and then i lost it. But actually in all reality, i had totally lost the plot.

GoDsGiMp said...

Someone once told me to eat a box of ciggies filter and all, apparently that would make anyone quit. Most probably it would also make you voilently ill, and you would have the quitting cig's fight anyway because there would be no way to tame the bloodlust you felt towards the idoit (in this case me) who suggested the idea. Dig your blog, im a newcomer, started four days ago. Anyway added a link to 'Peas' on my site (www.-he-said-.blogspot.com). Seeya

Peas on Toast said...

Tash - sounds like you lost as many marbles as I did! How is it we just turn nuts and don't even realise it?
Cool story though, one for the grandchildren. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - eating cigarettes. Now there's a novel idea. :) Thanks for linking me dear, I will definitely pop into your site as well.