Thursday, March 30, 2006

turning over new leaves

I’ve finally ditched two bad habits, both lasting as long as six years:
My long-term live-in boyfriend/Neanderthal Man

The first one was easier to give up than the second.

I am trying to lift myself out of this seemingly constant state of despair; despair from losing the crutch that endlessly helped me through crisis after crisis.

The positives:
1) I have not smoked for 3.5 days. Three days is the clincher. According to my GP, if you can overcome three days, you are going to be alright.
2) It’s been pure unprecedented Hell, but with the help of orange juice (thank you Jam), chewing gum and biltong snap sticks, I am still alive.
3) Small Bum says I smell and taste great.
4) In 83 hours of smoking abstinence, I have saved approximately R52. By the end of the month, it would account for a killer pair of leather stilettos. Possibly even from Socrati.

However. Anger inside me stirs like an evil beast. For with nicotine withdrawal, comes these unpleasantries:
1) Pure resentment. I secretly hate Small Bum.
2) That consistent taste of bleach in my mouth (which is now slowly subsiding)
3) I don’t really hate Small Bum. I am actually in love with him. I have just hated him over the last three days because of that very reason. I love him. Yes I do. And because he made me give up smoking, he has to face the music. My crabbiness anyhow.
4) I am not fun Peas anymore. I’m miserable, snappy unsociable Peas.
5) I’m too depressed to even play with myself. It’s. This. Serious.

On Saturday, my mother has booked for her, myself, my ever-abiding step-father and Small Bum to go and see some sort of ‘Carpenters’ concert. Because “everyone loves the Carpenters!” Oh my Gad. Even as I presently resent the chap, I feel sorry for Small Bum that he has to put up with me and my mother’s endless fascination and adoration for these two somewhat nerdy and heavily anorexic singers.

Bwahahahahaha (evil laugh). Hopefully I’ll be too shitfaced to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.


Billy said...

Well done on the smoking issue!

Now the important stuff:
You cannot play with yourself!!!!!
Go home immediately and try again. If that doesn't work go see your doctor. This is no joke Peas, this is hectic and worse what if its contagious?

Peas on Toast said...

I know, I know!
Tonight, I will make a concerted effort to send myself to the moon and back. If this fails, I will personally book myself into an emergency sex therapy clinic. I swear.
There is nothing more important to me than my mojo.

It is the question said...


Snap Peas!

OK, maybe it wasn't that funny...

Peas on Toast said...

Wahahaha :)

duke said...

kudos dude. I was fully expecting you to have cracked by now.

i can't feel your pain, never having been a smoker, but from what you say you're clearly addicted and will be much better off without them. Plus, if the blog award pics are anything to judge by, you can afford to put on a couple of kilos ;)

seriously, keep it up - things will improve every day.

Jam said...

You are so inspiring Peas, you really are. I have decided that the 1st April (April Fool!) will be the day that I back off from my cigarettes too!

The fun side of Peas will emerge again once you have overcome your nicotine (and psychological) withdrawal.
And with it, your libido - more fiersome than before!!

Peas on Toast said...

Duke - thanks dear. I really thought I would've cracked by now too. Surprisingly resilient with this one. And thanks for the compliment. Cos the 'fat' issue is my biggest issue out of everything!

Jam - yay! I'm so glad I'm inspiring people to give up the best drug in the whole world! :) Here's to mood swings, crankiness Together we can conquer the monster. :)

Nessers said...

I find myself wondering how one goes to see the carpenters when one of them has been dead for almost ever. Have started reading your blog on suggestion from my boyfriend and am enjoing it tho I have to say PLEASE get over the ex soon

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - yes, she is dead. That is why I'm going to see a play. Where people act. On the Ex, this little humble blog of mine is my catharsis. I henceforth write stuff that is about me, my issues, my hangups, my irritations, my crises, my elations. Blah blah blah. The Ex of 6 years forms a big part of this. If you are sick of hearing about him, the only thing I can suggest to you is: don't read my blog. But thanks for the in put anyway.

Anonymous said...

Conceivably a random contribution... I stopped smoking about 6 1/2 months ago (with MUCH trepidation that I would never enjoy a drink/ coffee/ a day ever again) and I haven't looked back. The biggest challenge - especially at first - was not getting twatted within half an hour of going out: the natural inclination is definitely to drink twice as fast in compensation! If you can find a copy, the Alan Carr book lends an interesting perspective (not a huge fan of self-help books, but he really does say some interesting and useful things!). Good luck!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Anon

I'm so with you. I ordered a martini on Day 2, when I attended a friend's birthday dinner. I drank this [horrendously overpriced] beverage in about 20 seconds flat. Then ordered another. So at least my hands were clasped around something.

And funny you mention the Alan Carr book: I've got it. I have read the first two chapters. I nearly feell alseep. It is dreadfully boring so far, and hasn't suggested any steadfast helpers in how to quit just yet. But I'm plugging along at it anyway. Nothing to lose right?

sheldon said...

I would say your point 3 on your positives list is reason enough alone, to go through with it china.

SB says I smell and taste great.

As a non-smoker, the smell of a smoker and taste (and that leathery texture of a smokers mouth!) is hardly enjoyable... and possibly even renders natural urges null and void... and stuff.

Good on you!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - fair enough. For some odd reason I have always attracted non-smokers for boyfriends, and the poor buggers have had put up with kissing an ashtray. Can't be pleasant at all.

The determination continues! :)

sheldon said...

BWAAHAHAHA, that's funny!!!

I didn't want to be that blunt... but glad you still got precisely what I was referring too and trying to highlight... Impeccable!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - you were polite, that I can promise. My boyfriends have always been very outspoken when it comes to kissing me, The Smoker, trust me.
Small Bum once said (and it worked - look at me now! :) "Peas you have absolutely no idea how awful it is to kiss you sometimes."
Me: (stung) That's not very nice.
Small Bum: "You're a fantastic kisser, but I have to say your taste overbears your technique."

It stuck. And because he was so blunt and obnoxious, it worked. ;)

Freddie said...

Peas, Im curious... are u skyfing more? are you using mix? How often do you skyf? I just wonder if, due to the undeniable fact that one still "smokes" a joint that... is that REALLY considered giving up? Dont mean to sound presumptious...but when Hubby...(yes, Im married....and FEMALE) tried the quit smoking thing...his skyfing just escalated, basically substituting one...for the other....bottom didnt work.

slapchips said...

Hello Peas
A friend put me onto your blog.I can like to tell you I've had a good laugh at some of your Mash and Gravy stories. Referring to Mapping in Wapping, I can like to inform you that the stem is still sung in Secunda, while someone stands on a table and waves the old vierkleur around with violent emotion.
My mother, morbidly enough, has the beginnings of emphysema. When she's not smoking she has colour in her cheeks and she looks good - but she obsesses about her cigs like a crack addict. When she goes back to smoking, as she invariably does, she can look terrible - mottled and grey and seriously ill. It's a horrible Catch 22 to be in, yet almost everyone that I know smokes.

Peas on Toast said...

Freddie - a little more than I should. But not out of control. I can only give one thing at a time up.

Slapchips - sorry abut your mum dear. That must be the kakkest thing in the world. And thanks for checking out my blog(s).