Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Fiery totty surmounts to nothing

You’re not going to believe this. Or maybe you will.

It’s Saturday evening. I’m done watching Small Bum play a hockey match (what a dutiful girlfriend I am), and everyone is congregating at his place for drinking games. Except. My totty is on fire.

It’s entirely up to you whether you choose to read this. So any ‘thanks for sharing’ comments will not be tolerated.

My cookie is on fire. I have urinary cystitis. A bladder infection.
It’s like peeing needles, and the whole problem is that you feel like you need to pee all the time. I think having thrush would be a breeze in comparison to this.
I spent a good portion of the weekend not knowing whether I have to in fact pee, or if my cookie is playing tricks with me. And screaming on the toilet either way. Passing razorblades is no picnic trust me. On Saturday, I felt as though I was squatting in a pool of hydrochloric acid. It was fucking uncomfortable to say the least.

So, during the aforementioned drinking game, where copious tots were shared and everyone including myself was becoming increasingly malaid, I would add a fair amount of citro soda to my drink to stop the burn downstairs. It worked.
For soon, I felt nothing. Literally. The burn was the last thing on my mind, which I subsequently lost. Suddenly I was taken from being seated around a table to the next morning wondering how I landed in Small Bum’s bed.

It fucking happened again.

For the second time in my life, I experienced such mind blowing memory loss, I am scared out of my wits. In the space of two weeks. Luckily I wasn’t screaming and crying on the street outside the Jolly Roger. I was in bed for the most part.

But get this: apparently we had sex.
And I came three times. Three times. Think about that for a second. I also groaned appreciatively, and spoke coherently all the way through.

Wish I had been there. It sounded hot. I don’t. Remember. A Thing. Small Bum was horrifically appalled the next morning when he proudly asked over my triple orgasm, which I plainly have no recollection of. ("Huh?")

So. Me thinks I will going on a teetotalling sabbatical until further notice, at least until the Easter weekend. Or at least try and figure out how, suddenly after 10 years of experienced and quasi-responsible boozing, I turn from moderately tipsy to flat-out fucking memory lossed. Even during my matric holiday, orientation week at varsity, long weekend holidays, places where I basically drank myself into a small stupor, this memory loss thing never happened.

It’s a little frightening to tell you the truth. Fuck around. Three times??

31 comments:

Jam said...

Ouch! That has to be the worst, next to thrush.

I still think your drinking problems are related to not smoking (are you still not smoking?) I have a feeling that the nictotine might have acted as a buffer...

And you cannot remember THREE orgasms? Damn girl, I am envious. And I'm sure you are too...not remembering it!

Daedalus said...

Err... I suddenly have this distinct feeling, like I am in the wrong *movie* here.

acidicice said...

I'm not implying that you would have to...but you don't even remember if you actually HAD the orgasms...or if you faked them? I would think they would have been authentic...but you will never know. That is VERY scary. I woke up once and couldn't remember how I got there...I was seriously bothered by it. Who knows what else I could have done. At least someone is looking out for you.

As for the infection...girl, no worries...In the past week I've had a sist...on my *blush*, um...well the most sensitive place on my body...and FUCK DOES IT HURT when they cut it open *shudder*

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - tell me about it. I'm a mess. It's been 16 long days without nicotine, and clearly I am not coping! And I haven't one memory of possibly the nicest sex I had all week. Very unfair.

Daedalus - china, YOU'RE in the wrong movie??

Acidicice - dude that is nasty! Having a cyst in that region must not only be painful, but embarrassing too. How did that happen?? I do feel for you, and you have made my bladder infection sound almost ridiculous.
As for the faking of orgasms, well, I wouldn't remember if I faked them or not. I'm assuming not, since I was clearly not all there.

duke said...

you're not supposed to shag with cystitis, are you? You can pass an infection on to SB (presuming you guys don't use condoms), as far as I know.

On the memory loss: you might try downgrading to beer only and cutting out the wine/shots? Or a period of teetotalling might not be a bad idea - periodic blackouts are one of the symptoms of a drinking problem that's moved on to the next level (I have some experience with AA). It doesn't need to be linked to an increase in the volume of booze you consume, but may be about the extent of your alcohol dependency having increased over the past few months due to emotional / psychological stress.

Billy said...

Ouch!

3 orgasms and a lost night!
hmmmm. Freud must have a lot to say about this!


Guys and girls: Check this out when you have a moment please.

http://billyetallovingit.blogspot.com/2006/04/one-less-easter-egg-beer-less.html

Sorry to steal thunder Peas but its for a good cause and im on a mission today.

Peas on Toast said...

duke - we always use condoms. It's not even an option not to. Plus even if we didn't, the infection is in my bladder. How he'd get into my bladder is beyond the realms of my imagination.

And I have seriously considered that I may in fact have a drinking problem, yes. As this has never happened before, and I haven't increased the volumes of what I drink. So I will be teetotalling until further notice.
No cigarettes, no booze. Life is just fun, fun, fun at the moment. :(

Billy - will do!

Rays said...

You mean three in one night isn't normal?!?!


Gees - I'm one lucky girl then! ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Rays - admittedly three for me isn't a long shot either. I realise I am one lucky bitch for being able to have three almost sacromoniously, at the drop of a hat. Around 30% of women can orgasm through penetration. We are part of the lucky and minimal 30%. Meaning we are fucking fortunate right there. ;)

peanut said...

ohmigosh you gotta be kidding. 30%??!?!?!?
That's just made this depressing monday even more so....
Had a similar moment on Fri, wasn't really drink induced, just sort of um, fell asleep during proceedings...
anyway, had a rough week and a bit (!) too much red wine. Woke up and felt really confused!! oops, anyway, it was funny in the morning....!!!
Um, not a doctor or anything, but isn't your condition due to a too much shagging?
Or is that just an old wive's tale???

Jam said...

Okay, now I am positively "pea" green.
30%? So unfair...
I have moments..but it's not a given.
Stop wasting it by drinking!!!!

tash said...

Peas i feel for you.

I had a bit of the AA (Alzheimers Alcohol) bug about a month ago.

After a crazy evening of drinking shots with the girlfriends, my other half filled me in on how i behaved when i got home.

He actually filmed me, its all on camera. I can tell you, I had certainly been possessed. I had left the building ages ago. I had a shocking case of territs syndrome and was trying to pee on the washing basket.

When i saw myself on film, i decided then and there to go cold turkey for a while. No more shots for me!

sheldon said...

It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye!

If you gonna go Memory Loss Crazy then make sure you have people (1 people at least) around that will make sure "your eye doesn't get poked out"!

If theres no such person around stick to the Fanta Grape, etc!

I can comment on nothing else in this here post!

Daedalus said...

Peas - Daedalus is not *china*, more *german* blood here. ;) erm ... must be the wrong movie I do not do *horror* nor *drama* :P

Reej said...

Here is an idea. Get yourself a video camera. It would be interesting, I am sure, to see yourself "in action" if you do not remember anything from the previous night.

Peas on Toast said...

peanut - you fell asleep during proceedings? Oh dear. :) As for the 30% thing, I read it in Cosmo everybody. So let's assume this is not set in stone. ;)

Jam - Don't be pea green my pet. For all I know Small Bum could be lying to be about the three times....:)

Tash - funny you say that: Small Bum threatened to film me next time this happened. He guarentees me it will put me off drinking for life. Perhaps it would be a good idea.

Sheldon - luckily I have been around people that have saved me from, um, losing an eye. Hopefully now I won't need to worry, because I'm all about the teetottaling right now.

Daedalus, Herr Daedalus. Unfortuantely horror and drama is what makes up the largest portion of my blog dear. But with me now off booze, off cigarettes, off fun in general, it may take on a distinct film noir turn. :)

Reej - if only I could remember to film myself in the first place. Small Bum has offered to do it for me kindly. I cringe in anticipation...

Peas on Toast said...

Peanut - oh yes, and the shagging too much cystitis aggravation thing: I've heard that can be symptomatic of too much shagging. Or a latex allergy. So it if is true: Guilty as charged. :)

Jam said...

What's weird about the memory loss thing (and I have been there a good couple of times) is how one appears completely functional - so much so that no one around you would guess that you are not present at all!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - exactly!!! The last two times SB has asked me when I remember up to, I tell him. And he's like, "Well that's odd, because we had a long conversation pretty much staright after your last memory." Or "how can you not remember walking to the garage?" or something like that. It's as if your entire soul just disapperas, just leaving a body in its place! Melodramatic, but I cannot think of any other description.

It's fucking scary!

GoDsGiMp said...

The answer to your problem lies in prevention rather than cure. By all means drink all the cranberry juice you can find now... it may help. But take that embarrassing after sex walk to the bathroom.. and do it everytime. Im glad im a male.. :)

Peas on Toast said...

GoDsGimp - right on.
Cranberry juice helps the kidneys, didn't know it sorted out inflamed bladders as well. Worth a shot though, ta.

carol said...

Peas - have also heard CB juice is good for infections!!

I had my annual check up this morning - I think I would prefer a few days of burning to being probbed like that... shutting your eyes and thinking happy thoughts just doesn't help.

Daedalus said...

Dear Peas…

I was merely suggesting that I am not about to comment on discomforts on your *private zones* (hence, *drama and *horror movie - was merely an expression of sorts).

[non-sentence start] I tend to not comment on themes I know little about. [non-sentence end]

Aquila said...

haha I think Daedalus is looking for photographic proof....

Err Peas, ever thought that it may be because of the 3 orgasms that you lost your memory - I read somewhere (cosmo hahah) that women can sometimes black out from an orgasm

Peas on Toast said...

Carol - ouch babe, hope it went well!

Daedalus - I know my dear man, no offence taken I assure you! ;)

Aquila - in that case they must've been mighty good orgasms if they managed to blitz out my brain like that! :)

Daedalus said...

Aquila – Errr… I am more of a *boob-man* – remember? It is only *Karen Mc Dougal* that sways attention to back and buttock LOL

Peas – Errr.. Daedalus = *Dear*?

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - no chinas, no dears? C'mon!

Daedalus said...

Okey pops – you can *dear* me if you want but no *china* or *bro* those give *me a discomfort in a private zone ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Right on. Dear it is.

acidicice said...

My bad. CYST not SIST. I asked my doctor what causes it. Apparently the most common cause is if a hair scrapes or nicks you in that region there's a risk of it becoming inflamed (I think this is a mild word) and when it does become inflamed it forms this cyst. It's the second one I've had. The first one he cut open (OMG OMG OMG) the second one I recognized it for what it was and he prescribed antibiotics and it cleared up (Thank God!)

Peas on Toast said...

Acidicice - oh my god, it sounds dreadful! I thought those were just ingrown hairs? You poor thing, its bloody awful. Good luck with it!