Tuesday, April 25, 2006

oh my greatness

Lusitoland. Those poros are crazy motherstickers.

I can like it.

Cruise into Wemmer Pan, the idyllic southern, dust-bowl setting of Lusitoland, the annual Portuguese festival. Three girls. Four guys. Smash prego rolls, espetada in our collective face.

This place was a riot.

Drink a motherlode of caipirinhas. Cane cocktails, for the lesser informed.
Random Patricia Lewis sighting. Lots of mullets. Lots of hairy bodies.

Oh.
My.
Greatness.

There is a multitude of crap being sold at this place in which we happily and drunkenly threw money at. Come across a stall selling Vegas showgirl-style bras, complete with granny’s lampshade tassles and gems stuck onto the fabric. The boys buy us these. We strip off our upper halves almost too enthusiastically, to exchange our previously tasteful jerseys with truly facking appalling synthetic bustier apparel, much to the shared horror and delight of innocent bystanders.

We think its ok, because we couldn’t possibly know anybody here.

Oh really.

Get up on stage during a live frigging act. (Hello, security?) Accompany a dude pumped on steroids, a mesh vest, jean pant and a microphone who introduces himself as a ‘Boereguese’ to his plethora of fans below him. Dazzle the audience with our showgirl tassles and erotic dancemoves.

Get off stage. Five people rush forward. Four friends previously unnacounted for, and my hairdresser. They want to know what the fuck I’m doing dancing centre stage in the middle of Lusitoland. Of all godforsaken places. Can’t really answer that question.

Take out a small family with our tango dancing. Brief flashbacks of being thrown up in the air a few hundred times, much like a rag doll. Dockers put on my bra, stuffed it with his socks. Like my normal bra. My black Wonderbra. Got hit on by two 65 year old women, who asked me, “That friend of yours…I can like to take him home and put him in my bed and do you know what.”

Sweet Darryl. That’s just nasty.

I remember everything. Even the phonecall from Small Bum: “What you doing?”
Me: Dancing on stage with a lone singer in a vest singing bok treffers twee, in front of 600 people. You?

Can you say what the fuck did we do this weekend?

11 comments:

sheldon said...

...aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh LOL!!!

That place is wet-dog hilarious crazy loko! Nothing like cheap saipirinhas or whatever laced with crusty dust and mullet fly away strands. And that smell of sawdust!

When I went last year we tried to make the trip around all the stalls. Drinking 1 piranha thing at each piranha stall... which is like all of them! We didn't make it. We MUST, we WILL try again.

When does it end? And how crazy is die ou sokkie treffers?

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - if anything, it's quite an experience :)

We must've had 7 caipirinhas each. Crazy shit.

I forgot to mention that the oke we were dancing with gave me a signed copy of his personal CD. WITH HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER WRITTEN ON IT AS WELL.

IT's just too funny.

Billy said...

i am soooooooooooo bummed i missed that!

The News is up on my blog....

fly said...

Im actually quite sure i'll be going on thursday.... :o) whoop !!!

Try it with a portuguese family for the true experience, its something else ;o)

Antoine said...

whokays - the people in the office think Ghana has affected me really badly when one looks at the computer screen and bursts out laughing.

I am there this weekend. I have no Bra, have no dance moves - so I will just eat, drink and be merry!

Anonymous said...

quiet today

Billy said...

Something wrong with blogger? Cant see comments?

duke said...

ok dude, on the strength of the last two posts, you need to start looking for a book deal. This is comic writing of the first order - laughing out loud stuff. Seriously - Bridget Jones is weak by comparison.

GoDsGiMp said...

Eish Peas... you crazy!

fly said...

yeah blogger was up to mischief yesterday it would seem... :-?

Peas on Toast said...

Hey guys, sorry I was MIA - in bed with flu yesterday....

Billy - I read your post, unbelieevable news! Congratulations! I want to hear lots more about this!

Fly - I tried to drag Third Roommate and his family (Portuguese as well) with us, but it would seem they are sick and tired of going every year ;)

Antoine - bras are overrated. ;)

Anon - sorry, was in bed...

Duke - thanks guy! What a compliment! Wanna offer me a book deal? I'm game for anything right now. ;)

Godsgimp - yes I am.