Friday, May 12, 2006

babying men

Small Bum has tonsilitis. The world has come to an end.
No but seriously. It is when they are sick that all men turn into the same thing. Babies.

Make no mistake, I love babying my boyfriend's when they are ill. Wiping the fever from their forehead, feeding them chicken soup, going out to the chemist to get them antibiotics. But this caring nature of mine is shortlived, if not fickle. Because three days later, I'm bored with the whole whining and pitiful performance.

In first year varsity, when Ex S and I were in res, he contracted an untimely case of glandular fever. I offered to walk to town and buy him stuff. Only, after walking there and back, in the hot sun, I realised I'd forgotten the fucking juice he'd asked for.
"What? You forgot...the juice?" This was a crisis like no other.
"Well," he croaks, with a pained expression across his face, and using an over-exaggerated whisper: "I'll...just...have...to...get...it...myself." While attempting to lift his body off the bed, in a melodramatic gesture, only to flop down again.
"I'm just too...weak."
It was so overplayed and so well executed, I still credit him for Best Baby Story. I ended up having to walk down to the shops again.

Small Bum holds his own as well. Not as melodramatic, sure, but perhaps a snitch more demanding in a physical-affection sense. "Stroke my hair." Or "Can I nestle my [weary] head in your bosom?" And when I ask him if he's feeling any better, especially since he's been on antibiotics for three days: "No. Not better at all."
Not even slightly better?
"No. I think I'm actually getting worse. I have a cough now."
You sure?
"I think..I'm dying."

Oh. My. God.

Get better already! The week has been long, the weekend is almost upon us, it will be filled with boozy days and boozy nights, it's been ages since I've been severly ratfaced, this is not the time for snivelling and carrying on! Although I do like stroking his hair.

36 comments:

Billy said...

Florence Nightingale with a twist!
Im also a bit of a drip when im sick and i maust admit my lady looks after me very, very well. Women really are the best thing since DSTV.

Daytripper said...

Well, being a man and all, I feel safe commenting on this one. My excuse for being needy when ill is that it is such an unaccustomed experience. I normally enjoy a rude degree of good health, and most little illnesses are not enough to confine me to bed. The frustration, sense of dependency and outrage of my condition when I do then get so ill that i cannot fend for myself all combine to manifest in a kind of pitiful wreck that requires hourly checks... its over compensation for being so well the rest of the time.

Thats my story and I am sticking to it!

Peas on Toast said...

Bless :) Look I love being Florence. There's a certain primal and maternal instinct that women cannot help feeling when close ones are sick.
And you've got a good woman there Billy. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - fair enough. But answer this: when chicks get sick, why is it that we don't perform as much?

sheldon said...

Hmmm although it might be most common in men I reckon this melodramaticness is not uncommon in whomen. And that bullshit hacks me off! In fact the words "sheeesh I think I'm dying" now register "No, I'm obviously well enough to conjure up bullshit phrases" in my mind!

I mean get over it dammit!!! You can't die from your God damn flu! (Yes I know it's possible!) It's all in the friggin mind I tell ya!

[somethinghopefullypowerfull]You only as sick as your mind allows you to be![/somethinghopefullypowerfull]

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - I think he was saying 'I'm dying' tongue and cheek. He was joking with a straight face. So don't worry, he's not completely letting the side down. :)

Third World Ant said...

From a different perspective, I wish the Gilb would let me mother him when he was sick! My Florence side definitely wants to perform, but he's got one of those "take-it-like-a-man" attitudes. And when I'm sick, he doesn't want to be near me to catch any germs. Sigh!

I do get a good deal of laughter material from my parents, though. On the occasions when both Mom and Dad are (equally) sick, my Mom potters around like it's a regular day and takes care of my father who sniffles and moans dramatically from the bedroom...

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - don't worry, Smalls doesn't want to come near me when I'm sniffling too, to stay away from the germs. Remember when I had flu last week? He dropped off some medicine and stuff and then left straight away. Hmmph.

Does your pops get to eat pasta in bed? :)

Daytripper said...

peas>. Chix get sick more often, so they are used to the condition and therefore don't perform as much!

peanut said...

A sure way to get him 'up and about again' - play real Florence (in other words, nurse uniform!!) He'll be felling better in no time!!

I haven't actually tried this one yet, but my boyfriend drops hints like crazy everytime he gets a bit of a sniffle. Kinky guy.

peanut said...

A sure way to get him 'up and about again' - play real Florence (in other words, nurse uniform!!) He'll be felling better in no time!!

I haven't actually tried this one yet, but my boyfriend drops hints like crazy everytime he gets a bit of a sniffle. Kinky guy.

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - I beg to differ dollface. I'm pretty certain it's an even par. ;)

peanut - fantastic idea! Am embarrassed I didn't think of it myself. :)

Third World Ant said...

peanut - I'm with peas, how the hell did we not think of that before? utterly brilliant! peas, I think this calls for a trip down corlett drive for some uniforms...

kyknoord said...

When I'm sick, I just want everyone to leave me the hell alone, so that if I am actually dying, I can do so in peace.

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - how does this weekend sound? Saturday morning? ;)

kyknoord - you don't even moan? Just a little? I don't believe it for a second. :)

fly said...

I got the sniffles on Saturday eve and the beginnings of bronchitis on Sunday...unfortunately I had the previous week off so I HAD to go into work and catch up what I had missed...not too mention the 1st booking started at 7 in the morning...

Luckily I was so zoned on stopain's I didn't even know what time it was let alone being ill...im sure my client knew though :oP ....

Im like kyknoord....stay away from me....I hate being ill and I dislike peeps being around me when I am...I do not like being molly coddled or nursed...watch DVDs with my cat on my lap and im happy...my entire family is like this....I remember when I was still living with my folks...the only time you got attention is when you had lost a limb or something as bad....I guess ive carried on the trait....

Peas on Toast said...

hectic fly! I never knew that boys like you and kyknoord existed. *enlightenment.*

Suavé said...

Im with kyknoord too. I'm a bit of a soldier about gettin sick. Sure its great having someone caring for your every beck and whim (I mean who doesnt want that?) but I get over illnesses quite quickly. Hence my lack in that department of really being taken care of. But then again I dont nobody hovering around all the time.

But that nurse uniform though.... Hmmm, nice one peanut!

fly said...

well not all of us are big babies... :o)

**ducks**

Antoine said...

As can be seen from my Blog.. I curse and swear and get forced to visit Doctors who refuse to use the sterile water the pharmacy gave em.

Morale of the story. Do not get sick!!

And yeah - woman have it programmed in them to ignore the ills and carry on. Although when the do really get sick they land in up hospital and get other woman to look after them

Peas on Toast said...

fly - tell that to Small Bum :)

suavebona - you too? Hells bells.

Antoine - and being in Ghana means you get sick often. How the heck do you deal with that? (especially malaria?)

peanut said...

I'm sorry, call me a skeptic, but I just don;t beleive any of you boys who say you are so easy going and no trouble at all when you are sick!!
Do your girlfriends back you up on this????

Suavé said...

Hell's yeah! I mean I might ask for a little back rub or two but being there all time? Nope I'm cool. Leave me be...

What a kind of a world do we live in today when men CAN take care of themselves. Hell Freezeth over! LOL

fly said...

@peanuts...

Im definately no angel when im sick....im the complete opposite...thats why its just best to leave me be....I just dont like hovering or molly coddling...never have, never will...

kidney stone said...

Slightly off track - but were you a Rhodent? the 'ratfaced' and walking down the hill to town sound all too familiar

Peas on Toast said...

kidney stone - no. I went to UCT.
Small Bum, however, is a Rhodent. And never lets me forget it. Trust me. The way I see it, he just has UCT Envy. :)

Jam said...

Women get sick more often than men??? I beg to differ. Men just don't notice when women are sick because we make so much LESS noise than men do. We're so used to multi tasking. Being sick falls into this domain. While we are dying, we are still capable of doing OTHER things. Men, on the other hand, have a very singular approach to things. We focus on the bigger picture, they focus on the details (i.e. I am ill and dying, not I am ill and dying and I will survive...)

Peas on Toast said...

well said Jam. And there you go ladies and gentleman, in a nutshell.

GoDsGiMp said...

Pea's I splashed boiling oil over my wrist, while cooking up fried camembert cheese with preserved green figs, for miss T's benifit. The question then is do I have a right to be 'babied' since my injury was sustained whilst in service to her. And before you answer that, consider that with extremely painful wrist, I continued to cook the meal, which included spinach/ricotta capeletti and dessert.

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I bloody well hope she babied you! You duly deserve that! What a nice boyfriend you are.

Antoine said...

I have been fortunate enough to only have got "real" malaria once in my two year stint. The other few times were fleeting brushes.

I write my good fortune to Captain Morgan, Garlic and Chilli. (I also have no sex life in Ghana which makes this diet possible)

Jam said...

Godsgimp - wow! Do you wash dishes too?

A Fork said...

We Men are wimps, it has to be said,

So don't take us seriously when we say "We're dead!"

Hey Peas, hope you're cool and dandy :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Jam- Funny you should say that. I just finished washing them now.. and yes its more than 24hours later but dammit I did them.

Peas on Toast said...

Hey A Fork!
Shit its been ages!
Thanks for popping by, hope you're fine and dandy too. :)

Godsgimp - a guy doing dishes. Unbelievable! Are you for real?

fly said...

me thinks you girls just get taken for a ride....