Wednesday, May 03, 2006

a fabulous weekend, finally

Well I definitely got the distraction I needed, thanks everyone for their stories and advice. The five fleeting days on the Vaal River were nothing short of fabulous. Moogs was the best host ever. He really is the brother I never had. We laughed solidly at one point for 8 hours. (We counted.) That’s a whole lot of laughing right there.

Peas’ fail proof recipe for a good weekend away:

Fill the days with boozy afternoon lazing in the sun, boat rides, competitive card games. Small Bum won poker 17 games in a row. In retrospect we should’ve strapped him to a chair at Emerald Casino and made him our little money making machine.

Take the piss all the time. As a group of mates, we really do talk the biggest load of shit. All the time.

Make sure someone gets lost on the way to the destination, simply for story value.
Poor Rose. While Dockers and Forbsie got wasted in the back seat, she got lost driving there. She’s American, and is therefore unfamiliar with our Deep South. Bless her little cotton socks. It took them 4 hours to get there, going through the Vaal Plaza not once, but twice, stopping just before Bloem. When they finally arrive, go to a dodgy ravey nightclub together in WherethefuckVereeniging.

Staying in close proximity with two out of the four people in the world you have had sex with can be difficult. Get along with the ex. Better still if your ex and current get on. Ex R and Small Bum got on like mates. So did Ex R and I. Phew.

Surround yourself with members of the opposite sex.
Need I elaborate? We were surrounded by boys the entire weekend. 17 boys to be precise. Pure heaven, as I happen to prefer male company at the best of times. Not only are they less admin and have less hang-ups, boys are cards.

Run out of petrol at night on the boat when drunk. Just for shits.
We went for a long boat ride to Stonehaven, a pub on the banks of the river about 10 kilometres upstream one night. And ran out of petrol on the way back. Ex R and Small Bum (bless their little cotton doondies) rowed to the nearest house using water skis, with us singing Michael Row Your Boat Ashore [really loudly] for morale. Only to arrive there having interrupted a fucking wedding. Bride ran out to see what all the noise was about. Felt like real punanis after that. The boys got some petrol, after getting the bar lady to drive them to town.

Fires The kind in a fireplace. When you’re freezing your ovaries off, sit in front of one and drink red wine. (It works with cane and coke as well, if you’re out of the classy stuff.)

Have a sinful amount of sex. Put Hugh Hefner to shame. Make Jenna Jameson blush Do it in the morning, do it at night, do it in the afternoon when everyone’s having an afternoon doodoo.

Find a new favourite word that everyone uses all the time. The whole weekend. Pun/poen/ (n) ‘poon’: Short for punani. Can be used as a term of endearment or a term of not-so-much endearment. “Hi Poen.” “You’re my little Poen.” “Don’t be such a Poen.” “Poen Breath” (this, as you might’ve gathered, is an insult.)

My father arrives tonight. Crisis.

23 comments:

Daytripper said...

Sounds like you had a gas.... but you have left out all the really important bits, like whether you got any resolution to the issues you raised in your previous post!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Daytripper. Well in truth, I put all of those issues on ice for the weekend. For the most part anyway. Now that I'm back in the Big Smoke, they have kind of resurfaced. But that is a whole new post of bitching and moaning! :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Daytripper: No offense but you are wrong, the important bit is that 'peas' went and had fun.

I always think that no matter the issue a good laugh goes a long way to solving it. Glad you had a good one Peas. I also made good use of my long weekend, drove to Plett and spent time in front of fire and drank much. By the way, they weren't having afternoon kip, probably thought you were and were shagging too. Also interrupted wedding persona's will have something to talk about for the rest of their hopefully long and fruitful married life, as in "remember our wedding day honey, those drunken boatmen." Really you did them a favour, kind off got them off to a good start. Tick that off as good deed of the week.

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - they probably were shagging, come to think of it. Everyone had that post orgasmic? glow by the end of the weekend. I thought it was just from the cold. :)
Good old Plett hey. I was a regular Plett goer until about a year ago. Good times. ;)
As for the nuptial interruption, I just pray we weren't singing during the frigging speeches...

Daedalus said...

Noun: Punani 'poonanie

A tropical fruit of sorts. Is in a guerre taste. Not eaten by many. Most common use: warming up one vienna at a time.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus. Thanks dude. In case any of us wondered what a punani was. ;)

Daedalus said...

Well, some people don’t. They think it is a dance floor hit from the 90’s.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - or something Ali G happens to say quite regularly. :)

Daedalus said...

Noun: boob-worshipper

Individuals with a taste for tropical fruit


Hehe... Ak! ... lemmi get my mind out of the gutter..Ak pun!

Peas on Toast said...

It's funny we were just saying at the Vaal: when us girls say 'pun,' we only think of the word 'pun.' All the guys thought of an actual pun.
Charming and predictable really.

So Daedalus, let me make your day: pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun. :)

Jam said...

I am thrilled you had a fabulous weekend.
Too much thinking is overrated.
Too much sex, on the other hand is not rated well enough...

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - touchay ;)

Billy said...

Peas,
Glad to hear you had a good one. You werent around two individuals called Mike and Michelle by any chance were you?

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - not that I know of big guy. And no Mike's or Michelle's in our group. Unless they were the couple getting married. We never had any formal introductions. ;)

The bar lady told the boys that the booze bill was very low. So if your Mike and Michelle are boozers, this ain't them! :)

Billy said...

Nope, these two can dent a booze bill properly!

Peas on Toast said...

Hmmmm! Do you think its them? I mean, how many weddings happen along the banks of the Vaal River at one time?
Were you there?

Peas on Toast said...

Oh wait, I thought you said 'can't' dent a booze bill.

Sorry, my bad. Long day. ;)

zuzula said...

red wine in front of a log fire followed by lots of sex... the perfect weekend!

Peas on Toast said...

As good as it can get! In winter that is. How was Tenerife Z? I bet yours was just as good, if not better?

Billy said...

no worries, im not too sharp today myself...

Billy said...

no worries, im not too sharp today myself...

zuzula said...

oh god, it was awesome. hot, sunny, boozy... I've come back so relaxed i can't muster the energy to do anything at all today!

Peas on Toast said...

I hope to see an update on your weekend soon dear!