Tuesday, June 20, 2006

peas and spinsterhood

I’m petrified of spending quality alone time, just me and Peas. I haven’t done it in so long, I’m kind of scared to go there. There is a road of complexities with this Peas I’m not so sure I want to address by myself. The main thing being: I’m going to be a spinster for the rest of my life and own a formidable amount of furry creatures.

I kind of faced the music after seeing Goldfish live on Thursday – they are flipping fantastic – and drove home cursing my ass groping ability, which might I add, only works well in Rivonia, notsomuch Norwood. I have of late picked up this annoying habit of coming home toute seule – alone – and phoning everyone I know either then or first thing in the morning on days I don’t go into work.

The concept of spending an entire day on my ace is completely overwhelming. But it finally dawned of me this weekend that I have to do this. I have to actually just face myself. And be happy with myself alone. Woke up so hungover on Friday morning, I really didn’t want to risk trying to walk, but realised I had to go and buy the entire liquid contents of the corner café if I hoped to make it through the day alive. (I must’ve smashed something in my face once home that evening. Because I woke up with tomato sauce all down the side of my left cheek. The guys at the corner café were polite enough not to say anything. )

I had to try and deal with my own company thereafter – only after calling Ant in Sepoenda (I asked her if she’d marry me, and she said yes, so long as she can still bed her boyfriend. I said that is fine), C who is halfway to Natal, Moogs who is at the Kruger Park, Third Roommate who is in bed with his recently acquired girlfriend and doing a fair amount of waxing lyrical thereof, Doc who is in New York, E2 who was still sleeping, L who is making breakfast, my dad who told me to put myself on a dating website (gee…thanks), and last but certainly not least, my mum, who wasn’t all that sympathetic about my pounding head and nauseation, might I add.

Being more hungover than Boris Yeltsin during a press conference is hard enough to deal with on its own right there, but heck, spending it with the immediate and blatant knowledge of ‘this is going to be me for the rest of my life’ is almost catastrophically humbling. I’m existing purely for the sake of existence. Not helping: I’m hornier than a bitch on heat at the minute – and I sense some hardcore post-drunken-evening banging would do me the world of good. Even with a complete stranger. Even with Boris Yeltsin. Or maybe not. Perhaps maybe the saxophonist from Goldfish. Or even the other band member, the one with the platinum blonde semi-mullet thing going on. The way I see it, a man who can play with instruments with the ease of the Greek God of Music, can play with my instruments any day.

But I’m kind of getting used to being just me and the Peas. I love having people around me all the time, but I’ve also realised that right now, I need to be able to be completely independent. Co-dependence has been somewhat of a habit for me, and I am rectifying this. On Sunday I took a drive out to the Magaliesberg to see my folks, who stayed at the Mount Grace for the weekend. I even refrained from phoning all my mates. I’m getting used to this. Flying solo. The concept of spending a day with Peas isn’t all bad. It’s kind of nice really.


Suavé said...

Yeah you know on some level I can relate to what you're saying. I've always kinda been an group person but over the last coupla weeks I've been thinking about the flying solo thing. I always seem to be rolling at least 3 deep but I just might need to get back to being introspective. It is nice to get to be with yourself every now and then. I mean sure I think I might go out of my mind but fcuk it...no time's better than quality time.

Peas on Toast said...

I hear you Suave. I'm just so not used to this - being in out and out of relationships like a true serial manogamist, it takes getting used to. But after a while, it's kind of nice.

Suavé said...

I think thats what it is though. Being in and out of relationships. Once you are in a relationship you take on a different persona and you start to think about doing things for two people and no longer one. And then when you get 'thrown' out of it that person isnt there anymore so it feels weird doing things by yourself. That feeling you have of not having anyone to share the joke with or do little things with brings on the loneliness. Its a tough world this relationship shit.

Jam said...

Hey! Pity I missed you on Thursday! Could've introduced you to Goldfish... But I'm glad you had a good time.
Being single is tough when you have to face yourself, but well worth it! There is tons to do as a single person, it just takes a little more thought.

Peas on Toast said...

Tell me about it! The weekends have moved from couch snuggling and bed canoodling the day away to getting up early, doing stuff by myself, attending parties with mates and coming home alone later.

I reckon once I have this 'flying solo' thing down, I'll be to be single or otherwise.

PS: When I tell jokes to Peas, she always laughs. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - hold on just a seccy - you know these guys??? ;) My freind and I were having a right royal perve sesh on Thursday! We were the ones right up front, hanging onto the railings...:)

Pity I missed you Jam. I actually said to L (my mate) - I wonder if I would recognise who Jam is? ;)

Jam said...

I don't know them that well - I was introduced to them through a friend who does publicity for them!
And I was right up at the front too, under the speaker....until I got a bit too drunk to handle anything...

Daytripper said...

Go Peas! Snoggin muso's is an honourable profesion!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - freaky. We were under the speaker too. Also too hammered to do much else except jump around and gawk at the semi-mullet guy. ;)

Daytripper - So...like...can you hook me up? (ha ha, just kidding. I'm kind of into Danny K. )

Daytripper said...

Lol@ Peas! You gotta be a careful what you ask for! i just might be able to ya know?
But if your taste runs more to Danny K... hmmm, maybe NOT!

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - I know. It's one of my more dubious perves. It's just the way he wears his pants. I'm a pants perver see. ;)

But since he's boofing Leeann Liebenberg, I'll source hunky muso's elsewhere...

zuzula said...

i know what you mean. I'm a people person too but recently I'm starting to relish time on my own. i find it quite liberating to do what you want, when you want, without having to consider someone else - whether that's going for a pee with the bathroom door open or trying on clothes in shops that you know might not look great but you're not under pressure to share the resulting view with anyone else!

Peas on Toast said...

Z, exactly! It certainly takes getting used to though. I'm the kind of person that socialises to wind down. And having people around to my place is something I do all the time. But the time has come to venture out alone more often. Hell, I had to have done it before I got into serious relationships right?

And it's great knowing that now, I can do whatever the fuck I want and I don't have to answer to nobody! (Except my bloody boss, that is.)

fly said...

The trick with being single is always keeping a bottle of hard tack handy....if theres no-one to party with, well then have your own party...its works so well I sometimes dont want to leave... :oP

Goldfish...dammit and again i missed it only to get rampant sms's at 11:30 asking where I was and why I was not at the party... :o? dope !!!

Jam said...

Yeah fly...dope...It was a good one!

Peas on Toast said...

Fly - Having a party just me and Peas is always a gas. Armed with a bottle of Smirnoff. We do a little karaoke, listen to music like Wham!, dance around my apartment...good times. ;)
And yes, you missed a great show on Thursday big guy!

fly said...

grrrrr.... :o?

Katt said...

My personal cure for those solo days: Get in your car, turn the radio up and just drive in a new direction! Very therapeutic.

Peas on Toast said...

hell yeah! :)

Revolving Credit said...

Ok, there appear to be 2 Peas in this pod.

'Social Butterfly' Peas and 'Mushy' Peas.
Social Peas we've all seen, heard of and have largely been following her adventures via this blog.
She's a fun loving, carefree, tequila chugging beast that loves to party with good company (here after referred to as 'the Audience'). Here's the trick, Social Peas only comes out of her cocoon when 'the Audience' is about, else we revert to Mushy Peas.

Now Mushy Peas is a slightly different beast, a bit shy and retiring with a sprinkling of introversion, circumspection and insecurity.

Mushy Peas has been somewhat elusive but now is forced to take centre stage. Learn to like, understand and love Mushy Peas ie. learn to love yourself.

The real strength does not lie with Social Peas, because she draws energy from 'the Audience' while Mushy Peas on the other hand draws energy and strength from within herself!

Do not fear Mushy Peas, appreciate and cultivate her, because by doing so you build & strengthen your character. She does not fear being alone, she is not guided by the whims and perceptions of 'the Audience', she is motivated purely by hers morals, principles and by love for herself and for others.
The name is 'Peas', not 'Pea' right??

PS. 'Mushy' Peas + Alcohol = 'Social Butterfly' Peas

PPS. I'm not sure which Pea it was, but I think that one of them was tickling my hand while you were sleeping.

muddlepuddle said...

Peas Peas Peas Peas.

Remember when you were in love and happy, and one of your mates had just experienced a gut wrenching heart-shattering breakup not unsimilar to the one you are going through now?
And she turned to you and through a veil of tears spluttered the words:"I am so scared that I will never find someone and will have to spend the rest of my life alone".

And you,with all that happiness and wisdom that comes from being in a great,loving,safe relationship, smiled at your mate and said:"Oh sweety.Don't be silly. You feel this way now but give it time. Of course you are not going to spend your life alone. There is the perfect guy out there for you. You just have to give it time".

She packed out crying and you just smiled that (irritating) all knowing smile that only women in a relationship are capable of smiling,as you hugged her.

Well......here it is friend from one miserable biatch to another.

*Muddle is smiling*

It is crap to be alone when one is not used to it and those stupid thoughts of eternal damnation do tend to creep in.

But you will not be alone.

If you are asking me how I know, I am telling you this:

Lots of love to you you special thing


GoDsGiMp said...

Hey Pea's

Just want to apologize for my lack of post's. You see I been pretty much permanently inebriated for the last two weeks. In fact the only reason I can post now is cause I been playing tennis all morning and some of the foreign substances have left my body. Well its good to be on holiday. And anyway I wouldn't want to rub that fact in, so really im saving you guys.

As for spending quality time alone... is this part of the learning to love thy self.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah guys, thanks so much for your analogies!

Revolving - you should be Freud. Or wait, someone less strange. It's Mushy I'm dealing with now, you've got it so right!

And Muddle - it;s ok babe. I want to beleive that if I happen to be alone forever that's ok. If I'm not alone forever, that's ok too.

You guys rock. xxx

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - not a problem my freind. I figured as much. Glad to have you back! ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Is the 'I’m hornier than a bitch on heat at the minute' the reason why you did not go to The Poenda with Ant.

Were you afraid of what you may do based on Ant promise to find you a parttime loslyf in the Poenda

Peas on Toast said...

Nah :) It was because she left early on the Friday, I couldn't get out of work, and she had a little reunion with her boyfriend that I didn't want to get in the way of.

Next time, definitely. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Oh well, sounds like you'll just have to take the Whacker for a walk!

Peas on Toast said...

Or find myself a new lover. No strings attached. :)

muddlepuddle said...


Peas I have only now read through everyone elses comments.

Oh My Freaking Ballsack this is funny!

But I cannot publish it I am afraid!

Hahahahahaha! I will email you.

But let me clarify something for you - Danny K is not "boofing" Leanne any longer they broke up a while ago.


Check your email in 5

Peas on Toast said...

Cool Muddle, will do.

He's not? Isn't it one of those on-again/off-again scenarios where they are in fact boofing behind the bleachers of St David's? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Or should I say King David. My bad.

Jam said...

Aargh Muddle.
Rather curious to know what's so amusing....

Revolving Credit said...

??? Ditto ??

muddlepuddle said...

Sorry guys!!
I can't tell. I've signed a contract of secrecy with the mob on this one!

Peas you understand?!!??

Forgive me Jam. Forgive me R Gooroo.

Jam said...

How depressing. Oh well.

Inyoka said...


If I have learned anything during the last several decades, it is that it is extremely difficult to live with anyone else if you cannot live with yourself.

Coming to terms with ourselves - who and what we are, our strengths and (especially) weaknesses, - provides an essential foundation for building a stable relationship with others.

Critical self reflection. I think this is the process you are going through.

All of which is far too philosophical for this time of night.

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - tis true. Me and Peas are doing a helluva lot together alone these days...