One of my mate’s parents live in a house in Westcliff. Well, not quite. It’s more like a fairytale dream plonked on the top of the cliff, with 270 degree views of Joburg. An original stone mansion, with an expansive backdrop down the hill. A rose garden. His old children’s playset on the lawn, a jacuzzi room overlooking Auckland Park.
The scene on the cover of Condé Naste’s House & Garden, you understand.
A guy I dated briefly last year – The German – who happened to live next door, blind one, well, I slept over one night and noticed an unbelievably appalling amount of mosquitoes in the room with us. “I’m dying here [Hansel], why is it that there is an industrial-sized portion of mozzies in here?”
To which [Hansel] replied, “It’s the neighbour’s old swimming pool. They built a new one and never bothered to fill up the old one that unfortunately lies about ten metres from this room.Scheisen."
I think it’s hilarious. They just kind of forgot about their old pool kind of chilling in the back yard somewhere. The thing was green and bubbling when I went to a braai there last month, with an old polystyrene boogie board on top of the sludge that’s probably been there since 1983. The edges are all eaten away, probably by the pond sharks lurking beneath – kind of like it was dropped into a giant vat of acidic botulism.
I just can’t stop laughing about this.
PS: The new pool, out front, is a heated eternity pool, that runs endlessly into Northcliff Hill ahead.