Wednesday, June 21, 2006

an irony too funny not to share

One of my mate’s parents live in a house in Westcliff. Well, not quite. It’s more like a fairytale dream plonked on the top of the cliff, with 270 degree views of Joburg. An original stone mansion, with an expansive backdrop down the hill. A rose garden. His old children’s playset on the lawn, a jacuzzi room overlooking Auckland Park.

The scene on the cover of Condé Naste’s House & Garden, you understand.

A guy I dated briefly last year – The German – who happened to live next door, blind one, well, I slept over one night and noticed an unbelievably appalling amount of mosquitoes in the room with us. “I’m dying here [Hansel], why is it that there is an industrial-sized portion of mozzies in here?”
To which [Hansel] replied, “It’s the neighbour’s old swimming pool. They built a new one and never bothered to fill up the old one that unfortunately lies about ten metres from this room.Scheisen."

I think it’s hilarious. They just kind of forgot about their old pool kind of chilling in the back yard somewhere. The thing was green and bubbling when I went to a braai there last month, with an old polystyrene boogie board on top of the sludge that’s probably been there since 1983. The edges are all eaten away, probably by the pond sharks lurking beneath – kind of like it was dropped into a giant vat of acidic botulism.

I just can’t stop laughing about this.

PS: The new pool, out front, is a heated eternity pool, that runs endlessly into Northcliff Hill ahead.


Revolving Credit said...

When I forget a half eaten sandwhich or leftover pizza, which starts to turn green and grow some furry bits, after a while the smell reminders me where it is and then I toss it. But fuck, they misplaced a whole fucking pizza pool??
Are they possibly related to the Adams family...the old stone haunted house bit seems in character??

Peas on Toast said... kind of makes leaving a box of half eaten pizza under the couch seem pale in comparison! Funnily enough, they're just a normal down-to-Earth family. That forgot about their other pool. :)

sheldon said...

Maybe they like strange animals? Ones that swim! And it is quiet crazy what can happen to a hole full of water if forgotten about for long enough. Lived with some friends in Rivonia and what a goop hole we had. Slow bubbling, moving shadows beneath, dogs going missing over night, the works, I swear!

ps: Jeeez the houses up there on the cliff are indeed AMAZING!!!

GoDsGiMp said...

I once lost my mind...

GoDsGiMp said...

Maybe they didn't forget it. maybe they are nature lovers and they were going for a swamp.

Or maybe they believe in the healign power of the mosquito bite, and the draining power of the humble leech. Looks to me they breeding up some mossies and beneath that green surface lurk prime condition leech's. Supposedly it works out cheaper than fortnightly enema's. Anything for their health.. those rich folk.

Revolving Credit said...

Ya Gimp

Sounds like you lost your mind in a cesspool!!

Billy said...

Guff! Maybe a dead body lurks?

Peas on Toast said...

Sheldon - yip, those houses up there are somthing else. I wonder whether any of their dogs are missing though?

Godsgimp - me too. ;) And they are nature lovers, but of the pristine rose-graden bearing kind...

Billy - stranger things have happened...;)

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

we bought a house - it had a pool - we moved in - a day later the entire motor , kreepy crawly and the rest of the entourage packed up - we ordered a new one - the guy that came to install it - removed a whole ton of millipedes from the big hole on the side - a splatter - a gurgle - and whoooooosh! - he left with his invoice and no money - talk about money back gurantees !@#$% - the grass is always greener on the other side!

check out my simple and still-much=to-write blog!


fida . ..

zuzula said...

brilliant. I'm quite forgetful myself, but as far as I'm aware I don't own a swimming pool!

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Fida!

Millipedes as in shongalolos? eeeew, you poor thing. *quiver*. I'll definitely take a look at your blog.

Z - I know, can you imagine? I forget stuff like a pair of jeans I had at the back of my cupboard, or that I own a Whitney Houston CD (!), or like where I have stashed my tax returns. But an entire pool? It's just too bizarre :)

muddlepuddle said...

Nah I think you've got it all wrong. The Mr and Mrs are probably arguing over the millions they're going to spend doing something else with the old pool.Maybe she wants a tea parlour but he wants a porno stage set? That's a tough compromise!

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

yeah peas

millipedes as in shong-wotever-lolas those things are...they dont really rate high on my eeeew....irggh...list....theres only one type of creeeeeepy crawlllly looking thing that give me the eeeeeeeeughhhhhhh................yuckkkkkkkkkkk ewwwwwwwwwwwww .....itchy.......scratchyyyyy....pounce onto the floor with body curling movements...and that is...********..( spelling it out also gives me the creeps)

but....a hint :: i live in natal....!@#$%%




Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - perhaps. Because it can't stay festering like that forever. Perhaps it'll be a tea gazebo. You know, a place to take a breather during a croquet game with a Pimms and lemonade...;)

Fida - you sound like you're really not enjoying writing that my dear. Change of topic? For the benfit of your health? ;)

Anonymous said...

The thing about pools is that they do three things to ones sanity:

1. They take all your money
2. They take up all your time
3.And to add injury to insult, when you are not looking they take your children too!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - the last point bringing my laughter to a considerable halt.

i_am_not_who_i_am said...


ever heard of safety nets .they work wonders!...((theres a difference in safety nets and pool covers)) loves leaves and the other leaves lives...,.

i still hear the pitter patter of feet...