Saturday, July 22, 2006

pops does 'out of africa'

My incredible father has done it again: the predictability of his unpredictability has left me floored.

My father. Semi-retired and flying around the country in his new baby, an aircraft the size of a small desk. The same man who voluntarily flew over Lesotho last week in his new plane, after telling me he wasn’t allowed to. The country’s government doesn’t allow for non-commercial air transport to fly over Lesotho before prior permission, because of the navel base there. Dad didn’t want to deal with the bureaucratic red tape, (“It’ll take at least a week to get official word, bugger it, I'm just going to fly.”) so just went along and did it.

(Dad! Bloody hell, you’ll get shot down! “No I won’t. I’ll fly low and fast. Low and fast is the answer Peas. I need to be in Kokstad by noon.”)

Yesterday. Phone rings. It’s Dad.
Peas: Hi dad, what’s cooking.
Dad: [Peas!] Can you hear me?
Lots of broken signal, sound of wind rushing past, an engine.
Peas: Where you’re driving to Dad?
Dad: I’m in my plane my darling. Flying above the wild coast. It’s beautiful.
Peas: Right. Dad I’m going to hang up now, I needn’t explain why.
Dad: It’s beautiful! Jagged rocks, untouched beaches, lovely.
Peas: Dad does the air traffic controller know you’re using a cell phone at the minute?
Dad: No.
Peas: Ok then. Best I leave you to concentrate. Besides the signal at 3 000 feet isn’t great.
Dad: It’s clear skies! OK, well how are things?
Peas: Great Dad. I’m going to go now – phone me when you land. When you’re standing on the Earth.
Dad: Okey doke, check out this sky! Beautiful!
Peas: Bye Dad.

Do you even think he used a hands free kit?

In other news, shait. Somehow managed to crack an invite to a party tonight, a digs filled with Small Bum’s friends. Well. What to do? In two minds. Either way if I do go, I’ll have to put on Perfect Peas face and be very brave. And ignore Small Bum completely. Shitting myself, shitting myself.
I want to go for the morbid curiosity and get to the bottom of why I cracked the nod in the first place. I told Ant I’d increase her rent if she didn’t come with me. And I’m dragging my posse along to protect me from the possible onslaught of Hell and/or fantastic party I may have this evening. It's a Christmas in July theme (yawn), so will probably go as Santa's Little Ho. (Santa's Little Helper wasn't sexy enough.)

In more news, I finally got my hands onto the direct translations of my trademark line:
Bless your little cotton socks.

French: Bénissez vos peu de chaussettes de cotton
German: Segnen Sie Ihre wenigen Baumwollsocken
Italian: Benedica i vostri pochi calzini del cotone
(Silly Itie man obviously also had too much tequila on Wednesday, as this is a far fetch from what he said it was.)
Spanish: Bendiga sus pocos calcetines del algodón
Dutch: Zegen uw weinig katoen mept
Portuguese: Bless seus poucos socks do algodão
Swedish: Välsigna dina lite bomullssockor

Right. So now wherever I go in the world, everybody will be enthralled by my catchy, yet shallow and highly unprovocative jingle.

72 comments:

Champagne Heathen said...

Interesting stuff Peas, we definitely must have met each other before, as I cracked an invite to a Xmas in July party tonight as well. If the men are as hot as the one on the invite I got sent then I will definitely be there in my red, bunny-fur lined bikini!

If I don't, please be sure to throw chaos about in my absence.

(Unless of course there is some crazy chance that there are several such parties happening tonight in the northern suburbs.)

Your dad sounds as cooked as my mother.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs seriously!?

How many Christmas in July parties could there be in one city on one night??

I didn't see any hot men on my invitation though. It's a digs bash. Sound familiar?

Champagne Heathen said...

Very serious indeed. Just rechecked the invite. Digs party in the Sandton area.

No clue who these people are though but, with my name-recall mental misfunction, that never phases me.

Definitely a half dressed man on the invite & encouraging me to dress like a Santa Slut...unless they sent different invites to different people, depending on who they know are gullible enough to fall for the dress up. Although, then why did YOU not receive this one...

other-duke said...

What's up with this Christmas in July theme? Madame Zingara restaurant in Loop Street has a big tree with lights and a Santa on the roof with reindeer and a sled with presents in and tinsle everywhere. IT'S FUCKING JULY!!

good luck for the SB party tonight.. i don't know why you put yourself through these things - apart from morbid curiosity :)

Peas on Toast said...

Sandton hey Champs? You're not going to believe this, but it looks like there are TWO Christmas in July parties in JHB tonight. Mine's in Houghton somewhere.

If yours is boring, come fine this one!

Other-duke - I know what is with Christmas in July? Yes morbid curiosity is a strange thing. I've told myself that if things get too tough, I'll simply leave. Also thank goodness for my mates coming and there'll be lots of people I know there. This could be disastrous and/or classic.

Champagne Heathen said...

Cool, Peas, will do. Just occasionally look out for a chick in a red bikini wandering up & down the roads of Houghton shouting "Ho Ho Ho".

And if yours does not work out, you are welcome to join me at the Sandton one - it seems that they are inviting any strange fool. Plus your outfit will fit right in with the theme!

As for why Xmas in July: it is the only logical time & way to be able to serve gluwein. If there is ever a time & way to serve that tepid broth.

Anonymous said...

I love the sound of your dad!! Is he single? I'm 22, a buxom brunette law student who enjoys long shags in the moonlight (ideally at 3000feet!), good whiskey, older men and playing the role of evil stepmother...

Ha ha... Seriously though, is he single? Any chance of an intro?

Shortypam said...

a christmas party in july? i knew it!!! i live on an alien planet!!! everybody knows you have christmas partys in october!!!! as 4 small bums friend.. ignore away sister you know you wana... santa's lil ho? you cant be santas lil ho!!! im santas lil ho!!! i always get the awesome dildos for christmas... oh wait that explains alot...

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha tooshay. :)

OK so key words for tonight are ho, ho, ho. And you may just find me strutting about Sandton after departing the Houghton bash in a fit of panic! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ha ha. My dad is single. And 54. So if you like older men, email me your stats (much like for the Kyknoord competition.) He's a handful though, very unpredictable, a genius, yet very lovable. Email me!

Shorty - everyone can be Santa's Little Ho - that's why we're ho's my dear. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

PS: Anon - please don't mention shagging my dad on moonwalk walks though. It's not an image I like to picture. Sure you understand. :)

Shortypam said...

ok if that is the route you wana go, make sure you only pick flashy BMW's and charge the fools a looking fee... R5 4 every minute they look at you... works everytime and you make a killing in small change...

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - excellent idea! And if I catch Small Bum staring at my noombies, I'll charge him double. One for looking and two for having the cheek to look in the first place! :)

Shortypam said...

mmm... yes well the fool deserves every last cent that you swindle out of them but make it memorable charge the twerp the clothes off his back.. thats bound to raise a few eyebrows...

M said...

Enjoy the party and have a great weekend all! M

ps: BYCS in Greek is:
ευλογώ Bαμβάκι κάλτσα σας!

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - I agree. The little bugger doesn't make me sad anymore that much as make me fucking angry.

M - thanks M! I actually got the Greek version too, but it didn't sit cyrillac pretty on blogger for some reason!

PS: Everyone, finally I have SORTED OUT MY LINKS! Thanks to help from Daedalus and Jam, you can now access other blogs easily and without trepidation directly from Peas on Toast. Hoorah!

Syllable said...

Yesterday I walked in Brooklyn Mall and there was this woman walking all over the show with funny lacy pants that were way too short to wear boots with (I thought it might be her pj's or something). Anyhoo, I just smiled to myself and blessed my cotton pants :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Syllable I love it. ;) Anyone's cotton pants can be blessed. Or their jockstrap, or their pyjamas. Yay!

ATW said...

I've always thought that Lesotho could have been the belly button of South Africa. Now that Peas has indicated that it has a "navel base" I know this for sure.

But what big ships float on the navel fluff I'm not so sure?

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - navel base as in in airforce base, or have I got the lingo completely wrong?
Planes, guns, army guys, that sort of thing. ;)

muddlepuddle said...

Muddle really in a Puddle - I thought Smallies was in Berlin?

Anywhoosiebees - just try not to drink toooooo much we don't want a Smallies wobble in front of a Smallies and a Smallies mate(s)!

Your pop sounds like a blast - almost as airheaded and hippy as my mother. Almost. That woman has not said or done a sensible thing in the last two decades!

God bless HER cotton picking socks!

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle -
Don't worry some other commenters have also had the same problem establishing what is going on. So:

Ex S - Longterm 6-year ex. Name starts with an S. (Used to be just known as S before we split in October last year). Not Small Bum. Guy before Small Bum.

Small Bum - most recent Ex. Not Ex S. Name has remained as Small Bum, even after the split.

Ex S is in Berlin. Small Bum is in Johannesburg. Unfortunately.

Is everyone on track?
I've just realised how complicated my life seems to allof you. I have trouble keeping up, so I can't imagine what all of you think! ;)

M said...

Hey Peas, not sure if you saw this on IOL yesterday, beware! Not that your are ever rude about your employers ;)

"Bridget Jones blogger sacked for intimate diary"

London - Efforts by a British secretary in Paris, to keep her blog and her work life separate have ended in legal acrimony - and a race for her signature on a book deal.

When the La Petite Anglaise website began two years ago, it was described by its thirtysomething author as a "whim" offering a wry look at life as a highly-qualified PA and mother of a bilingual toddler in France.

By yesterday, the secretary who wishes to be known only by her first name - Catherine - was fighting to set a legal precedent in France and coping with a media onslaught after she was dismissed by her employers, a firm of Anglo-French accountants, for "gross misconduct" by allegedly bringing them into disrepute with her postings.

full story at:
http://www.ioltechnology.co.za/article_page.php?iSectionId=2888&iArticleId=3348048

Champagne Heathen said...

That name seems to be a theme today. Bridget bluddy Jones. (Sorry, still fuming.)

I am also now completely confused about the naval base. Anyone know a soldier or seaman.

Peas on Toast said...

Hey M
Thanks for the link, I have definitely heard about it and have the read the story in the The Star. Hectic. Jam also writes about it on her blog.

Yip, so I think for the moment, I won't be shedding any light on my colleagues and boss. Methinks I'll fly under the radar for now. ;)

Daytripper said...

Guys, Xmas in July is, apart from being a wild marketing gimmic, more historically correct than December. Dec 25th is in fact a pagan fertility celebration that was adopted by the Christian church way back when... Christ, according to most, was actually born in June/July...
More reasons why you just can't trust Christians!

muddlepuddle said...

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Click*

G'luck with it Peasiepoo.
Don't let that fugger get anymore of your good stuff.The bugger had his chances.

Take pics of just how fucking hot u look in ur little Santas little ho outfit!

Can't wait to read Monday's blog and hear about all the hilarious antics!

Anonymous said...

Hi Peas, just a quickie:

nav-E-l = belly button
nav-A-l = navy and dudes in sailor suits

Just for clarification...

Daytripper said...

Oh, amnd sorry Peas, but your links are still not working!

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - informative, thanks guy. I heard He was born in April. I'm sure one of the Catholic nuns running my confirmation classes told me that. Hmm. Oh well, July it is! :)

Muddle - I guarantee, there won't be a dull moment tonight my dear. I'll keep off the cane though. Best I get my outfit ready asap.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - thanks guy.
Spelling has never been my strong point. ;)

Antoine said...

Naval = Ship, Airforce = plane, Army = Tents: All = Yummy Men and woman in Uniform (if you watch Jag that is)

That aside: You old man sounds how I want to be when I get out the Jungle. Small Planes, exasperated daughter and life that can just bloody pass me by!

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine my dad certainly leads an enviable lifestyle. When he isn't 3 000 feet borne above the Earth, he's taking black and white photography and compiling books of it or selling prints in his gallery.

Lucky dude indeed. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

There's an idea. Rather than dressing up like elves, someone needs to hold a "Military" party.

"Hi there Sailor. I see that your submarine is keen to go down under."

Buzzing'Fly said...

Small world, i also cracked an invite to a houghton chrismas in july party. wierd, dont knowthe dude that sent me the invite but bunch of my friends are on the email list...

may just check it out. see u there peas, we can have a ole ole ya?

Revolving Credit said...

Don't the submariners have some excellent phrases:
'Emergency blow'
'Dive, dive, dive'
'Flood your tubes'

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - perhaps I'll go military. Just to piss them all off. :)

Buzzing - Must be the same one! See you there. ;) (God you probably know Small Bum as well.)

Rev - tooshay. :)

Cookie Monster said...

Peas... I think what your Dad did was just mind blowing... he called you whilst flying over the wild coast!!! Holy shit that is sooooo cool! Your father is Indiana Jones! He is probably living his dream.. good show!

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - tell me about it. He wears the hat and everything. :)

Buzzing'Fly said...

Um maybe so, i did go to Rhodes but was more into the artey vibe...

going to be interesting im sure..

what to wear...mm

Champagne Heathen said...

Red bikini with bunny-lined fur. Do it!

Or dress up like christmas tree and just stick decorations all over your body. Strategically placed of course.

Ramone Allones said...

peas,

if i'm going to be partying with you and your cohorts tonight, i expect nothing less than pukka pukka poor behaviour, if you are in doubt what this looks like check the darkest dankest corner of the party and there i'll be, surrounded by reprobates, ingrates and worse ... behaving abominably (cane and creme permitting!).

And in other news here is this week's Victorian (or edwardian?) gaylord quote of the week: "always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much" Oscar Wilde

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - was just thinking of that! A chrostmas tree with tinsel and baubles stuck all over my body. Perhaps some lights too....although I may need a loooong extension cord.

Ramone - china, I'm expecting you to behave extremely badly with me and my cohorts tonight big guy. I'll lay off the cane - let's not pull the ring right ouf of the fun - but will be drinking some other calming stuff albeit.
Are you dressing up? Us girls are starting off the evening at my place and then will head on through to cause an outstanding amount of chaos. Hold onto your hats folks.

Anonymous said...

For the love of Lindt I simply just cannot seem to get into my webmail today! And for the sake of annonimity (sp?) - which I'm sure you'll indulge - I can't use my regular email... So until such time as webmail deigns to pull the sheets out of their arse(s) I will remain merely a mirage... The very minute I'm able to, I'll send a full cv, with pic! Till then, keep papa-dearest on ice for me...x

Anonymous said...

For the love of Lindt I simply just cannot seem to get into my webmail today! And for the sake of annonimity (sp?) - which I'm sure you'll indulge - I can't use my regular email... So until such time as webmail deigns to pull the sheets out of their arse(s) I will remain merely a mirage... The very minute I'm able to, I'll send a full cv, with pic! Till then, keep papa-dearest on ice for me...x

Cookie Monster said...

I think he rocks!!! And the fact that he called whilst 5,000 feet above shows that when he sees something beautiful he calls his daughter, you should sms him and say Dad your the best!.... Fuck me he is a legend!

Peas on Toast said...

Hoo boy Anon - my dad is just going to love this! "keep papa-dearest on ice for me." I'll leave that all to you my dear.

PS: No nude shots please. It's that image thing again. My dad in a sexual light that I would prefer not to think about! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Cookie - he is. I love him, despite all his crazy antics. Love him. I actually called him this morning to ensure he was back in Cape Town safe and sound. He seems to be all perky after his little trip. :)

Billy said...

I really think your pops is a ledgend. I would love to be like him one day, i really want to learn to fly.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... A perky papa and a 22 year old wannabe stepmom, 3000 feet in the air. I can see why you don't want those mental images...

Peas on Toast said...

Bill - my dad would love to teach anybody willing! Next time you're in CT, let me know. Even if you just wanted to go for a spin. He's trying to get me to learn too, but I'm just not sure how and when.

Peas on Toast said...

MY BLOG TEMPLATE, SHE IS FIXED!

I'd like to extend my undying thanks to Other-Duke for his monumental patience and for guiding me through my tempalte and all of it's probelms line by line...all over email.

I owe you drinks. Big time. :)

other-duke said...

i'm glad i could help

Suavé said...

Peas, get ze phuck outta here! Your Dad is a pilot? Wow! I'm so jealous, that has always been a life dream for me. Yeah I'll think I join Billy and be willing and eager student for your pops. He could get some extra cash on him from it too.

PS - Anon sounds like Nelly Futardo...she's a Man Eater! Watch out for your old man. LOL!

Daedalus said...

Yeeeayh!! the template worx

Anonymous said...

Not only do I eat 'em, I swallow 'em whole... ;)

Anonymous said...

And as it is now after one on a Friday, Cape Town in it's entirety officially shuts down...

Peas on Toast said...

Other-duke - at the risk of sounding pathetic, I love you.

Daedalus - she is fixed! I wonder if Domkop will notice?? ;)

Suavie - ok you're joining Billy. You upstanding gentlemen would probably knock the socks off my pops. :)

Anon - yeah...you're 22. He's 54. I'm 25 going on 26. This isn't making sense to me, but I'll, after much adjudication of your email, perhaps send it off to him. Eat him whole, however, and I'll sock you.
(I'm one of those uber-protective daughter types.:)

Revolving Credit said...

So Peas, what's it feel like calling Anon-22 'Mom'......WWAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Oy yoi yoi - don't get me started Rev.

I just want to hear/see my dad's reaction. It's going to be priceless.

Daedalus said...

Peas-hun,

Domkopf’s ass! – this is for your readers, no one else ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Would YOU have to give 'Mom' pocket money??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - dude. This isn't funny anymore.

(OK OK it's a little funny, but not that funny.)

Suavé said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! He said pocket money. HAHAHAH! *sigh*

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, I just realised what anon-22 asked you?

"Who's your d-a-d-d-y"

Peas on Toast said...

OK now I'm just freaking out.

guppa said...

your dad is a legend, i want to illegally fly a plane over lesotho, and phone my daughter while flying over the jagged rocks of the wild coast.

Peas on Toast said...

Guppa!

I know that you'd love that lifestyle, and be pretty damn good at it as well. You've met my dad - so you can just imagine. ;)

PS: Am I allowed to link you to my site?

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks for linking me to your site. Most kind of you!

Is you dad hot by the way?

Peas on Toast said...

Pleasure treasure.

My dad's smokin'. ;)

In a dad sort-of way. :)

peanut said...

Can somebody please just tell me.....
WILL THIS FREAKING DAY EVER END???
I feel as if i have been sitting in fromt of my computer forever!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Peanut - so with you on that!!!!

I'm officially off to find a bottle store to get some calming liquor, dress up like Santa's little slapper and face the music that is tonight.

Am amped.

Have a good one! x