Tuesday, July 25, 2006

unfazed by friday


unfazed
Originally uploaded by peas on toast.
Friday: still trying to figure out whether it was a complete disaster. Probably not, since I would’ve that decided already. But I’m sure I’ve been to more comfortable parties, if I look back.

1) Enter snakepit. Go to a fucking Rhodes party. What was I thinking? (Wasn’t thinking. I blame UCT girls pre-drinks my place.)

2) Us UCT crowd were severely outnumbered. But still, we are definitely rather fucking cool at that. C sided with us, being a UCTer, even though she went to Rhodes for one year. Bless her you know what.

3) But nevertheless have a good night, except for random foot cramp in both feet after discarding stilettos and can’t walk due to aforementioned medical condition. N tried to uncramp them for me, but to no avail.

4) Have some random Rhodes boy ask me whether I’m Peas on fucking Mushy Toast or whatever. Because “apparently that’s what everyone is saying.”
5) Beg pardon?
6) “Who’s asking?” I say. “Me” he says. (Yes, Albert Einstein, but who are you?)
7) “I kind of know her that’s all. I’m off to get a drink,” says I, not up for blog talk and all the repercussions that have come with my ex’s and all their friends knowing and reading and caring, at that.
8) “Well I happen to think she’s very cool anyway,” he says. I just smile.

9) Don’t talk to Small Bum, lest much look his direction. Hold on, was he even there? My friends say he was, but I’m sceptical.

10) Then have someone tell me that every Rhodes boy in that establishment reads my blog, as my link and daily post are forwarded to everyone everyday, including Small Bum.

11) Everyone in that house knows everything I do, everything. That’s nice. My question is: why do they care? Seriously? Why? I’m your average, slightly-nuts girl who is trying to deal with the daily crap that’s thrown in my direction through writing about it. Why make a scene? So they can rip Small Bum off everyday for having a kooky ex-girlfriend? That’s so lame, I don’t know whether to laugh…or laugh it off.

12) Danced a lot, didn’t get messy drunk, despite a thankfully secretive bathroom moment with N that was disgusting on our part, and left with a mate before I got completely out of hand. Good move. Smashed a pie in our faces on way home.

13) Oh but wait – dodgy: kind of, well actually did kiss an oke. Beginning of evening, up against wall after random ass shaking on dance floor. That I know. He’s one of my more smartypants whoa-look-at-me friends – or are we even friends? Acquaintances. Have known since school. Best we forget.
14) He phoned me on Saturday night. In typical Rhodes fashion he got slammed and said he doesn’t remember much from Friday, I’m really not fazed, so I found the phonecall surprising. Uncharacteristically sweet. Bless. (Where did he get my number?)

15) Good to know this will be sent to every Rhodes boy I have never met, simply because Small Bum is someone I dated once.

16) Apparently Unshaven read this too. (I am sorry. But quite frankly, you were a little off-course when it came to your primary dating etiquette, and it didn’t help that I don’t want a relationship with anyone. Ever again. For as long as I live. Sorry.) So I’m a bitch that just spews her crap all over the Internet. It’s funny how so many people know exactly what goes on in my life but know absolutely fucking nothing about me at the same time. It’s possible, even when your life is known around the fucking world. Because as much as these people claim to know me, because they’ve met me once, they don’t know anything about anything. Sure I do this, do that, have that, fuck that up, fuck that, but yet who am I to them? They have no idea. I’m safe in this knowledge.

17) “I bet she’s going to write about this on Monday morning!”

18) And no, I haven’t been to Grahamstown before.

19) Hello the whole of Rhodes alumni, hope you’re having a spiffing day.

20) I think you all have UCT-envy.

I also went to a lovely dinner on Saturday night. Third Roommate and The Ant know the hostess, so I got to hang with a different crowd. It was superb. On the way home, Third Roommate and I swung by The Colony. We were sober. And realised, on being in that frame of mind, that The Colony Arms is everyone’s little slice of Maritzburg amidst the bright, glitzy lights of…Craighall. Have we hit the mark or what? Or in most cases, everyone’s little slice of Grahamstown. We sat at the bar and listened to a quality of singing from the karaoke area that made us almost wet ourselves and I pondered, soberly mind you, that the same quality of singing was made by C and I last week. It’s good to watch. For a change. The bar man paused for a discriminatory two seconds when I asked for “just a coke.” I love it.

PS: Third Roommate really is my surrogate boyfriend. It’s like we’ve been married 60 years and all the lust and wonton sex has disappeared into nothing and we’re hanging onto the marriage for the sake of pure companionship, comfortability and someone to argue with. Here is an oke that I argued with about directions on the way to the dinner party Saturday (Just phone Ant for directions! No, it’s somewhere down here! No it’s not we’ve been down this road already!) A common criterion in all relationships. An oke that I don’t have to necessarily talk to when we’re sitting watching TV.

He gives his opinion when asked for it, tells me when I’m being pathetic over a man, and manages to be caring and nice when asked. And when I don’t want to see him, I go to bed. He’s a great surrogate. To me and The Ant. We share him appropriately. He bitches that we’re too open with him in light of “I have period pains/my bunion is sore/can you hold my hair back while I vomit, but deep down we know he loves it. He’s available on 555-555-5.

PPS: I have to delagate a trade show today and tomorrow. The whole day. So excited. Not.

35 comments:

other-duke said...

firstly, i'd like to say hi to the whole Rhodes Alumni. "Hi"

peas, the internet is a software program written to mimic the gossiping characteristics of cape town's middle-to-upper class yuppy community.

sometimes i find out about things that im going to do - before i've even done them!

Hang in there

Phakt said...

So why don't you hook up with 3rd Roommate? Obviously he's already keenly aware of your idiosyncrasies. Don't tell me you haven't considered it. Please not the "He's like a bother"...

Suavé said...

You know I thought about the same thing before plastering myself all over the internet. I came to one conclusion - PHUCK 'EM!

Antoine said...

*chuckle* It does make it easier to wander into a party and everyone knows what is happening in your life.

Kinda like when people want to know whats happening in mine. "Have you not read my blog?" is my standard response.

Blogging is a laugh sometimes. But hey - We do it cause we can laugh at the strange stuff we get up to and we have a -borderline- interesting life.

So as they say in the classics "You go goil!"

guppa said...

peas,
good to see you teaching those eastern-capers some respect. i mean we all kind of know- 'Rhodesies' in general, don't really 'get it', compared to cosmopolitan , worldly, hip and happening, hot, educated UCTers, who didn't spend their whole lives in the rat. ok- maybe be green man, but still.

Billy said...

Morning Pease, you ravishing Blog Queen.

Hello Rhodies.

Morning world.

Now that the formalities are done..... Peas....Your Blob rocks and the people of Blogland are all better off for having you. Speak your mind.

Champagne Heathen said...

Peas, my 'best' thing about the gossip mill, or the blog world now, is that peope feel they have free reign on discussing your entire life with one another, maybe occasionally cornering you in a pub to find out more details about some situation they heard via via via a random friend of yours.

They take your stories on as their own & happily pass them about. But while they show concern just to find out more 'juicy details' they are not there to support you, help you pick up pieces, give a fuck when the story is no longer amusing and juicy.

Meanwhile, I am seconding Billy's comment. Here Here!

Daytripper said...

Hey Peas
As silly as the es-Rhodies sound, this is the effect of your succes.. ironic isn't it?
But I reckon you've got the right approach. Fuck em anyway!
LOL!

peanut said...

What is up with these rhodes people? Have yet to meet one that i like. Armpit of the damn country if you ask me.

Boomkind said...

Well nothing to do with todays entry, which by the way was as gripping as ever, but about the where the readers are thing you have on the side, don't know how long it's been there but just noticed it now. It's great but does just emphasise that things are not entirely anon. I am the person in Uganda. Well keep up the spirit

i_am_not_who_i_am said...

who cares about anything.......i am in johannesburg...and i am fucking freeeeeeeeeeeeeezing mannnnnnn.......

peas......i hope wherever you are ;..its centrally heated!...........cos i cant figure out my fingers from mytoes......

i am numb!

fida. . . .

Anonymous said...

Hello Rhodes Alumni, world, blog readers and all protocol observed (as the politicos say);
Rhodes grads do suck, quite frankly, and thanks for letting them know Peas!
Whatever they think about your blog doesn't matter - wankers - the rest of us ADORE you Peas!

dianne_lone said...

hah! I agree with you suavebona! i think you should go find some other. Online dating is a good channel for finding a better partner for you! I suggest you login webdate*com so you can improve your love life!!

One of those Rhodents said...

Oh come on we're not really SUCH a bad bunch!

Suavé said...

Dianne_Lone > I'm sorry what was that? Maybe I read wrong but are you suggesting I do online dating to find a suitable partner? Please elaborate as I am rather saturated at my present moment in time. How could one have come up with such a conclusion?

If that was not directed at me then, my apologies!

Jam said...

You sound quite dire to me.
Peas - Ignore them. You know the rules here - it's open space, we can say what we like and sure, sometimes we suffer the consequences, but never allow anyone to gag you. There is nothing weird or unusual about your life - many of us relate to it very well. It always amazes me that you have the courage to say what no one else will and for that you should be RESPECTED.

peanut said...

hey, did anybody hear about this crazy sh*t at Kitchen Bar in Sat night?
Apparently guys rushed in with AK's and started shooting randomly.
Freaking scary/

Anonymous said...

I'm a Rhodent! Why do I have to go through the schlepp of having to log on everyday? Imagine the convenience of having my daily dose of Mushy Peas on Toast delivered straight to my inbox every morning...

Heaven...:-)

Seriously though, those people need to get a life. Perhaps then they wouldn't need to mentally masturbate over yours...?

Anonymous said...

I'm a Rhodent! Why do I have to go through the schlepp of having to log on everyday? Imagine the convenience of having my daily dose of Mushy Peas on Toast delivered straight to my inbox every morning...

Heaven...:-)

Seriously though, those people need to get a life. Perhaps then they wouldn't need to mentally masturbate over yours...?

Anonymous said...

I'm a Rhodent! Why do I have to go through the schlepp of having to log on everyday? Imagine the convenience of having my daily dose of Mushy Peas on Toast delivered straight to my inbox every morning...

Heaven...:-)

Seriously though, those people need to get a life. Perhaps then they wouldn't need to mentally masturbate over yours...?

Anonymous said...

Shyte.

As vehement as that post was intended, I really didn't mean for it to go through 3 times...

Phukkin gprs...

Revolving Credit said...

Looks like there's some rhodent gnawing away at your blog!

Shortypam said...

erm... am i dreaming or does rodent really like repeating himself/itself? well peas i think the reason why all those freakitas read your blog is cos its interesting and adds life into their dull little lives... small bum and other ex boyfriend freaks included but the other sub reason for the ex boyfriend freaks is that they miss you and they still yearn to know what its like to be a part of your life and what your thinking and if god-forbid you miss them... its a silly ego trip. frankly you shouldnt give a hoot bout them cos thier pathetic and you know what i agree with suavy, Fuck em...

Jam said...

Haha! For everyone here - Peas has won a date with Kyknoord. The girl needs some sponsorship to get to Cape Town now. Ideas anyone?

Shortypam said...

yay!!! peas won! cogratulations girl... i know this may sound mediocre but how bout some kind of bunny car wash... girls dress up like bunnies?... no touching boys... with some good (cheap) advertising we could get alot of ppl envolved... R20 a car times 20 cars= R400...

Revolving Credit said...

Now, based on the popularity of PEAS ON TOAST amongst the rhodent community, coupled with the added exposure relating the the KYKn'DATE, I think we should be delving into the realms of sponsorship.

Peas, I think it's time to trade pseudo-blogger-anonimity for celebrity.

So all you bloggers, perverts, geeks, office monkeys, rhodents and all other peazoids out there, the woman needs some sponsorship.

Firstly to get to Cape Town for the KYKn'DATE.
Secondly for the planned 'Peas on Cancun' travel series.

Any contributors willing to donate/sponsor cash or voyager miles should probably contact Billy (Billy, please post a contact email address) as he appears to be the resident travel agent and I'm sure will be more that willing to make the suitable arrangements.

We at REVOLVO are looking to appoint Ms ON TOAST as our Revolutionary Spokesperson and may well be launching a line of products to help subsidise her travels.

Are there any other takers? Rhodents, come on, step up to the mouse trap and make your pledge!!

Corporate endorsements will be considered, please apply directly to Peas

Revolving Credit said...

Apologies, the mailto link failed. Apply directly to peasontoast@gmail.com

third roommate said...

upon agreement with my two flatmates,its been decided that my services as surrogate boyfriend be extended to the public at large. anyone interested should make application (incl. full length photo and recent payslip) to peas' address above...

zuzula said...

Can I borrow Third Roommate too please? He sounds far more useful than any of the guys I've met lately ;)

Don't know who the hell all these Rhodes people are... sounds like ignorance is bliss on this occasion though!

C said...

Give the Rhodents a bit of credit, there are a couple of gems,current
"boyfriend" included...and lets be honest, you wouldn't have been able to throw your name all over colony if they didn't exist

Plus as the expert of the system and tri-alumn (?) of the referred to institutions, whats all the Rhodes/UCT fuss about...I say, GO WITS!

Peas on Toast said...

Why hello there everybody!

I've been using my ridiculous people skills all fucking day - smiling, being nice, offering people cake. Don't ask. :)

For those in favour of my bitching - thank you! The Rhodes boys aren't all bad, I've met a few that I always enjoy. However, the crux of my bitch this morning extends to those who claim to just know everything about me and send off my blog to all those concerned just for the shits and giggles of it. I'm just sick and tired of it all!

So, Small Bum and his cahorts - stuff you.

:)

(I say this smiling.)

Because!
It appears I have won the Kyk Date competition! How fucking superb!

Kyknoord - strap yourself in sweetheart, you're in for a ride!

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Why hello there everybody!

I've been using my ridiculous people skills all fucking day - smiling, being nice, offering people cake. Don't ask. :)

For those in favour of my bitching - thank you! The Rhodes boys aren't all bad, I've met a few that I always enjoy. However, the crux of my bitch this morning extends to those who claim to just know everything about me and send off my blog to all those concerned just for the shits and giggles of it. I'm just sick and tired of it all!

So, Small Bum and his cahorts - stuff you.

:)

(I say this smiling.)

Because!
It appears I have won the Kyk Date competition! How fucking superb!

Kyknoord - strap yourself in sweetheart, you're in for a ride!

:)

Peas on Toast said...

PS C:
Tooshay. The Colony Arms Rhodents make up for everything. :)

PS: Go Wits!

Peas on Toast said...

PS C:
Tooshay. The Colony Arms Rhodents make up for everything. :)

PS: Go Wits!

Cassandra3383 said...

I myself is unfazed by friday because I got me a date from a cute guy that I met through webdate*com! Who knew dating is this easy and fun?