The digs got together last night for some wine and some Eminem. That is me and Third World Ant. And Third Roommate.
For some reason, TR and I couldn't find a lighter with which to ignite our cigarettes.
Hence the conversation:
TR: See that's the bitch with suddenly getting a maid - there's no random shit lying all over the place anymore.
Peas: You sure you don't have a lighter?
Peas: OK please won't you fetch the toaster.
TR: You fetch the toaster. Christ, I'm starting to feel like a stranger in my own house.
Peas: This isn't your house.
TR: Well, is it not my house? Really?
Peas: No. Mia casa e NO tua casa china, now please fetch me the toaster so we can smoke.
TR: Well since it's YOUR toaster, you bloody well fetch it.
TR: Fine. We'll just sit here then.
Peas: Fine. I don't need a cigarette anyway.
TR: Neither do I.
Peas: Good. Cos I'm not fetching the toaster.
TR: Excellent. I can sit here all night.
Peas: Hmmm. Despite the quality of company in my immediate sight, I'm perfectly comfortable. And it feels great not to smoke. Great.
TR: WILL YOU PLEASE, PLEASE! Fetch it!
Peas: You fetch it for crying in a bucket!
TR: Fuck you.
Peas: Fuck you and fuck the toaster.
Sipping on our wine and sulking into our glasses, The Ant arrived home and was informed, before she sit down, to please kindly fetch us the bloody toaster from the kitchen, so we could plug it into the wall next to the couch and light our cigarettes on the armrest. Just like what cultured, refined people do.
Even in first year varsity I'd make the short, yet mindless trip to the kitchen to light my cigarette on the toaster mantle because we'd run out of lighters.
Now we sit fighting about who will fetch the damn thing, because we're too lazy to walk there ourselves. Perhaps because we've had a long day at the office. Or perhaps, more likely, I believe, it's because I'm single and I have no one to fight with anymore. And he hasn't seen his girlfriend since the weekend so also feels like an argument.
Well we don't really eat toast in our household, so I suppose it's useful for something.