Thursday, August 03, 2006

influenza

I have the ‘flu. There’s something sadly woeful about having a head filled with snot, a puffy, pale face, aches and pains, glazed eyeballs and a hacking cough.

Yesterday I felt so bloody sorry for myself.

It all started at Dischem. On trying to furtively and distractedly search for Med Lemon Original. Swabbing my sweaty brow whilst combing the shelves like an A-type personality gone psycho, I couldn’t find it. And had to settle for Med Lemon Berry Concoction-Uncharacteristically-Bad-Tasting-Not-Cool stuff instead.
I almost started crying. Then I couldn’t find the Corenza C either. Had I gone blind? And, in my sorry state, didn’t feel like making small talk with the assistant because the last time I was there I was as equally irate after being the last person on Earth to find out that Nivea Shimmering Body Lotion had been pulled from the shelves. There was a scene. I took the news like Carol the Cow takes the news of taking a vacation at the abattoir. Not well. I grabbed some Cal-C-Vita instead, and got the fuck outta there.

I wanted my mum. To mop my brow from the existing and unsightly sweat brewing on it, feed me hot broth and tell me I’m the most amazing child ever to be conceived. Instead, I had to settle for the euphemistically soothing sounds of Elana Africa deejaying from the balmy shores of Zanzibar blaring from my radio as I fitfully slept and worried about the four major stories I need to submit before Monday next week.

I hate staying home because I’m sick. Usually, even if my arm is barely dragging behind my body from a thread – God forbid – or I have contracted an untimely and inconvenient bout of leprosy, I’d rather go to work with it. Seriously. I feel like I’m missing out and wasting an entire day moping around. So, high on Med Lemon Berry Blast, I refolded all my clothes in my cupboard. When I say refolded, I actually mean folded for the first time. Most of my clothes from over the last month are at the bottom of the cupboard covering my shoes, or on chairs, in suitcases, on my bed, hanging from the roof. Then I put the ones I don’t wear anymore into a bag ready to deliver to the cleaning-genius hands that are our maid Pretty’s.

I ate nine Zoo biscuits, made hot, yet disappointingly bland vichyssoise soup, only to pass out in a pool of sweat and delirium. Healthy.

All while it rained and howled with wind outside, what is to be the start of August in Johannesburg. The month where we supposedly slip into Spring, while leaves blow hot and cold everywhere. I’m unconvinced.

25 comments:

muddlepuddle said...

"I took the news like Carol the Cow takes the news of taking a vacation at the abattoir"

Yet in this pathetic, miserable, snot induced state you are still hysterical!

Shame peasypoo - not cool dude! Personally I'm an echinacea and chicken soup fan (with a little warm brandy for good measure). God and with today being colder than a witch's tit that would go down well.

Feel better hunnybuns - keep warm!

PS Oh! I have a bottle of that stuff (I'm too olive when I wear it I look like a Bollywood drag queen) you can have mine pumpkin!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Muddly Cuddly :)

I'll offer you fifty straight bucks for your bottle of shiny shimmery cream. Cold, hard cash. ;)

Isn't is fucking freezing today?? This is just on the wrong side of ridiculous. I'm living in the wrong country.

guppa said...

peasypoo- sorry to hear you sick honey bun, get tons of dvds and take it easy.
ha ha- i think muddlepuddle has it right- 'peasypoo' might stick

Peas on Toast said...

Guppay - I quite like Peasypoo myself. Bless her little cotton thong. ;)

Please come over and watch DVDs with me tonight?

Retro_Girl said...

hey peas, hope you feel better soon. flu is absolutely a waste of time. and spring is mos def nowhere to be seen. keep yourself, the chicken soup and a tot of brandy warm

Daytripper said...

you see? August does this to everyone every year... you THINK its spring and then, KABAM! The truth is, September is spring, not one second before. Trust me, my B day is at the end of August and every year i think, ohh, the weather is so nice, i am gonna have an outdoor birthday party, and s'true's nuts, it is freezing, raining, worse or both. Or all three.

Peas on Toast said...

Retro-Girl - thanks sugarpie. I hate looking and feeling as though I've been run over by a bus. Flu sucks!

Daytripper - I know what you mean. My birthday is mid-September. Last year I had a jacuzzi party. Only because we realised it was too cold to have a pool party. Hmppph. Spring babies, my ass! :)

muddlepuddle said...

Ta guppa -I'm good with nick names it's actually my forte! I think Peasypoo needs a marathon run of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers!?

Peasypoo consider the shimmer a gift from one pseudo dyke to another!

As for the weather well I feel like I have been sodomised by an icicle...

Peas on Toast said...

Sodomised by an icicle? That can't be comfortable in the slightest, you poor dear!

Yes I feel a bit of Brit comedy could eek me through these dark and depressing hours...

Jam said...

Perhaps it was all the ice skating.
That's horrid - hope you feel better soon.
And try to find some Corenza C, the stuff is potent!

Peas on Toast said...

Perhaps it was Jam. The Ant also swears blind on Corenza C. I just couldn't find any yesterday.
I'll try again when I'm all drugged up on Med Lemon and can swim between the aisles of Dischem, without getting irate. ;)

Jam said...

Napping on Med Lemon more like.
Or you could just trip out on some of that sinus drying stuff...

Peas on Toast said...

That sounds better. On realising that Med Lemon doesn't help one to concentrate in front of a computer, it's too late...

Suavé said...

Would you phucken beleive it? I got the flu too. Shit this sucks. I swear I've never been a sick person till I moved up to Jozi. And I also hate being immobile and sniffling and coughing and shit. This sucks!! Let's toast to our sickness Peasypoo(yeah I think I like it too) and clink our cups of Med Lemon together. Cheers!

PS - Hope you get better soon.

PSS - A bit off topic but I need you expertise. How REALLY hard is it to quit smoking. I've just quit 2 days ago and I'm having a hard time not picking up a ciggie over here!

Ta

muddlepuddle said...

Aaaaaaah bless - look at everyone calling you Peasypoo!

Warms my heart :)

*proud smile*

Peas on Toast said...

Au Suavie you poor thing! My thought are with you big guy! I also don't remember being so sick before living in Jozi. Pollution and stress is a bitch.

As for smoking...the best time to quit is when you sick. They say if you can make three days cold turkey you'll be fine. Good luck. It's fucking hard.

Muddle - I love my new name! :)

jam said...

ps it's snowing (very lightly) in blairgowrie

Buzzing'Fly said...

I thought it was just me and my sad excuse for a immune system! been struggling to shake off my flu for ages, as i get batter, it hits again.... Damn weather...

BEST cure that has been keeping me up and going is Vita-C (iimmune booster one)and Corensa... been living on that!!

i feel you girl... ;)

As for that Sinus stuff Jam> that stuff is crazy.. it really does put u on a whole new level. ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

This snow - or pseudo snow is rather exciting isn't it!

I have 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow' (Frank Sinatra's version) in my head...

Peas on Toast said...

Buzzing - Hope you feel better soon poppet!

Shortypam said...

erm.. hi peas sorry to hear that bout u but to u and all flu sufferers out there u could try this remedy, it worked for me and i havnt gone to the chemist ever again!!!

take two table spoons of honey
one tea spoon of cinnamon (powder)
mix em, then pop in the microwave till melted.
eat up, continue this three times a day and i promise ul feel better in about two days. yes it tastes naff but boy do u get better quick, its an old chinese recipe that my mommy found... havnt looked back since...

Peas on Toast said...

Sounds great Shorty, thanks. I'll def try it!

Jam said...

Just don't smoke the cinnamon. Apparently that's REALLY bad for you.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - lol! So tell me about the time you did it my dear?! :)

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