Thursday, August 03, 2006

bumper sticker crucification

Now. I am all for bumper stickers. As long as they're not on my car, they're great.
Yesterday, while steel wool or the likes thereof enveloped my brain, on the way home from the disastrous Dischem experience, my eyes fell upon a bumper sticker stuck to the rear of a Fiat Palio.

There appeared to be two men in their 20s sitting in the car.

We've all seen the Don't talk to me, talk to my lawyer, and Thank God I'm a black man. Amen, and I heart Brakpan.

But, and it was a sizeable sticker, mind you:
I have erectile dysfunction.

That's what it said. Just thought it was worth mentioning, in all it's atrociousness. Maybe his sister has a I have a smelly poen one.


Peas on Toast said...


In Joburg. In Africa.

Last time this happened was in 1981 apparently.

Daytripper said...

the year you were born, noh?

Peas on Toast said...

Almost. I was born in 1980. :)

sheldon said...

Snow??? I've heard this from about 5 different people in 5 different jhb/pta locations. I can't see shit! Maybe Bryanston is immune?

Peas, I blogged about a rather original bumper sticker I saw yesterday too. I am glad there's more than just the clich├ęd "my other car is a Porsche" type bs around.

Peas on Toast said...

"My other car is a Porsch"
Love that one!

Apparently it's snowing more strongly in Orange Grove than it is Illovo - just had a weather check with a mate who works there.

And regarding this bumper sticker: surely as long as the man drives around in his car he's never going to get laid??

kyknoord said...

Oh my God! This is fantastic! Today Joburg, tomorrow Hell. I'm one step closer to spending some - shall we say - "quality time" with Jennifer Connolly. Regarding the bumper sticker - it's certainly unusual, but the punchline sucks.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - you and me both my friend. Menage? ;)

I just don't understand a bumper sticker that aims to crucify one's chances of procreative survival. I mean, "Stand clear: I have bad breath" is better than advertising your erectile problem, surely?

Champagne Heathen said...

There was 5 minutes of snow here in Rosebank...but I was told to be quiet, concentrate on the meeting, & stop pressing my nose to the window!

Inyoka said...

You were telling me yesterday that it was summer.

The most tasteless bumper sticker I have seen in Jozi was one saying "Fuck the Poor". It was on a Rolls.

No wonder Mbeki is out to get us.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - that's just mean! Can't they see this is a climatic phenomenon in JHB?

Inyoka - SERIOUSLY? That's disgusting! Does he want to be shot??

Champagne Heathen said...

Exactly! I just zoned out for the following 5 minutes staring at the snow imagining catching the minute flakes on my tongue, occasionally thinking, "You guys can just save your own damn world then"...I think their argument holds a bit more weight.

Retro_Girl said...

Dreamt of snow last night, but don't think the chances are good of that happening here in PMB. Glad I'm not in icy Jozi but would love to play in the snow. Besides, unlike Champs I have f*all to do in the office today so wouldn't mind building snowmen. GIMME SOME SNOW, NOW!!!!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Tsk! Champs, I rate you tell them that they need to realise in order to save the world, they need to realise that one actually exists. :)

They may say you're a cheeky fucker, but deep down they'll know you're right.

Peas on Toast said...

Retro - you from PMB dollface?
That's my hometown too.

muddlepuddle said...

Yup. Snow. Fuck hey. Unbelievable.

As for that bumper sticker -

Goodness gracious me

Revolving Credit said...

Well regarding bumper stickers, we've seen the 'My other car's a Rolls Royce' which is kinda tacky right.
Well I saw this on a green Rolls Royce and it suddenly turned into a kinda 'fuck you' statement. I thought there was a certain elitist young-money hillbilly flair to that.
I mean, who the fuck puts a bumper sticker on a Rolls in the first place??

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - I know. I couldn't help but stare!

Rev - agreed, who puts a bumper sticker on a Rolls? Arrogant fuck he must be.

Daedalus said...

GeeeZ Peas

"I have a smelly poen"? BWHAHA!

So, Peas was like 1-year old when we as laaities at the time played in the snow daytripper ;) ak!

Peas on Toast said...

Daedaus - correct. Still in nappies and probably drooling everywhere. Lovely. :)

peanut said...

oh my goodness. I know this is off the topic, but i just went and spent over a grand on a handbag... oh my gosh what have i done I'm feeling nauseous....
Sorry, i just had to confess.......

Peas on Toast said...

Peanut you've come to the right place my dear!
Tell me more, tell me more?
Where, what does it look like? Texture of fabric, leather?

I'm jealous.

Shortypam said...

i love u so much u crack me up!!! it snowed at wits... apparently and in linden, im in Randburg all we'v been getting is sleet... oh well... as for the freakita and his bumper sticker, well i think he thought it was better to stop being in denial and just admit it... people are crazy.

Retro_Girl said...

Peas, just based in PMB for the year, not originally from here, thank goodness. As Mr T said: "I pity the fool...". Oh ja, you're from here, right ;)? Just kidding, the place is okay-ish.

Peanut> well done on the purchase! nothing to feel guilty/ nauseous about. just come up with a good justification, like, early Christmas gift???

peanut said...

ok. Thanks peas and retro.
Its soft chocolate brown leather, sort of slouchy, Chloe-inspired. My motivation is, firstly, i have to stop buying everything in black so this was a big step for me; and secondly, while I am supposed to be saving every spare cent to go overseas, it can looks like it can fit lots, so will be very useful when travelling....(what gives you the idea i've done this justification thing before...?!?!?!?)

Retro_Girl said...

hey peanut, i'm in the market for a large brown bag too, your new one sounds amazing! also, that's a good enough justification if you ask me!

Peas on Toast said...

I love you too Shorty :)

Retro - PMB is ok. It's probably better than Chechnya, but still: I see you in media. What made you decide to go there?

Peanut - Your bag sounds INCREDIBLE. Soft, sluchy chocolately leather. I almost had an orgasm writing it out! Go you good thing, wear it with pride!
In fact, now that you mention it, I think it's high time I got a new handbag myself!

Retro_Girl said...

the company i naively signed a contract with thought it'd be a great place for me to learn and grow.... To some extent they were right, I suppose. But I'll only be here until Jan 2007, so its back to city living after that ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Fair enough Retro. And I'm sure you're learning tons in the meantime!
It's not such a bad place is good old PMB. I suppose it's because I grew up there and by the time I got out, I was sick of it. Exploring it as a new person I'm sure has its benefits. Hang in there! :)

Inyoka said...


Yes, seriously.

However, it was still in the days when Koos was Koning... about 20 years ago I guess.

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - unbelievable! I'd like to see him drive through Soweto in this day and age!

The Tart said...

Sheesh SNOW!

Just read the news after reading your snow note. Take care, stay safe & for heavens sake take this opportunity to warm up with some hottie!

Bet we hear about the baby boom in SA in 9 months.

The Tart
; )