My parents call me Boo. Did on Sports Day when I ran a relay, did at school in front of my friends and teachers, and still do now. Guys tend to reap nick names more than chicks, and we had a discussion the other day at Zoo Lake over some of the most ridiculous and disgusting names some of these poor bastards have been stuck with, since school and such.
Herewith a list of nick names I have come across and heard of to date. Bear in mind, these are actual people’s names: (Thanks to the Michaelhouse boys, C and a couple of others for their input:)
Guns (As in big biceps)
Tripod Stand (I went out with Tripod Stand in Matric. He was rather absurdly large.)
Baby (“Nobody sticks Baby in a corner.” Whatever you say, Patrick Swayze.)
Poen (Punani. Has a great ring to it, dontchathink?)
Trunko (skinny legs and calves)
ProVita (As in the monks in the biscuit advert- when you have a hair cut that looks like a bowl has been put on your head and cut around.)
Headgirl (As in gives a lot of head)
Meatloaf (Big knob)
Diri (A mate and I call each other this. Because one of us had a severe case of the shits back at varsity. Random, yet sensational.)
Baksteen/Brick (As in thick as a ?)
Off the charts:
Chunder (“Mum, dad…meet my new boyfriend Chunder.”)
Tampon (His surname somehow related to tampons)
Muff (Again, surname-related)
Cotch. (Like Chunder)
(Except for Tampon – take a wild stab at where the ‘Off the Charts’ people went to varsity? Yep. Rhodes written all over it. Hilarious.)
PS: The Ant informed me that her boyfriend The Gilb is currently compiling a Pornalike of all his mates. That is, porn stars that look like his mates, which he'll plaster to his wall. My pornalike is naked with her finger up her cookie. J's is sucking on a large knob. He has yet to find The Ant's, but I'm sure she's lurking on the pages of FHM somewhere. Bless.
PPS: Small Bum and I are mates. After argiung loudly, then talkign through all our shit, we have decided to bury the hatchet. You won't hear me speak about him again on this blog.
PPPS: It's frikking Friday baby!