Tuesday, August 15, 2006

team poen


teampoen
Originally uploaded by peas on toast.
Friday night wasn’t meant to be large, but as things go in my circles, it was one helluva an evening.
Hell’s fucking bells.

Basically, we ended off at Manhattan, me and The Girls, where pretty much all of us came to pretty much all coming right. I might’ve closed a deal, ‘cept I went and lost my bloody wallet. Around 3:00am, dead cellphone, not sober, talking to an oke for three hours about politics, I roared home, plugged in phone, phoned bank, cancelled cards and then got sms from C2 to say in fact she’d found my wallet. C2, you little biscuit.
But the wallet synopsis was only the start to the crisis.

Had already cancelled my cards. Wake up with killer hangover, go to bank, stand in queue for 2 hours, and then start crying. Make a scene in the bank, like Charlize Theron, except a lot less sophisticated and pretty. Bathe, and go to the Amazing Birthday Party Race.

The loser’s complex went through ups and downs the whole day, but I managed to have a bloody good time at this birthday race gig.
C, The Ant, The Gilb, M and I were Team Poen. I don’t think I’ve heard the word poen so much ever, in my whole life like ever. We really pulled the ring out of it. What a scream. (Well we think we’re a scream, but admittedly, not everyone gets our sense of humour.) We wrote the words ‘Ikey UCT Tigers’, ‘Bless’, ‘Poen’ and ‘Doondies’ all over my car in shaving cream. And ‘poen,’ poen pimp’ (The Gilb), ‘siff chicks’ on various body parts in face paint and ran around in UCT shirts. Team ‘over the top’ Poen played a mighty good game of fetch the clue, might I add.

We came fourth. Oh yes, out of 20 teams. And we actually shoulda come second, but we had to do a last-minute car exchange (my electric window decided to stop working – more losers), and go to the wrong pub for one of the clues, then drive through the botanical gardens like eight times looking for a poster which some team threw in the bin.

One of the clues was a joke saying that teams had to drive to Hatfield, Pretoria. (‘Drive to the Engen in Hatfield. Just kidding.’) And five teams did. And then of course, we spilled the contents of our coolerbox bevvies onto our laps (“No poening way. I just spilt beer on my poen.” That sort of thing.)

Highlights of the day (including all sentences with the word poen in it), were:
- “Quick! Open the gate, we’re in a race! Do it for a mate.” “Hold this please. Do it for a mate.” “Have a drink. Do it for a mate.” I think I’ve driven across the ‘do it for a mate’ idea.
- M putting on her emergency lights on the highway so that people would get out of the way when she drove in the fast lane at 160km/h, and something close to that speed down Coleraine Road.
- The Ant writing Nik Nak Poen on her arm. We heard a theory a couple of months ago that has stuck in the recesses of our collective cerebellums. Apparently Nik Naks make your poen smell. (So if you’re overcome with paranoia, opt for Lays Lightly Salted. Use it, don’t use it.)
- Running up and down Olifants (?) Road taking pictures of ourselves in front of random pool pump, home décor, Castle signs.
- Forcing The Gilb to stay in the car and work out the sudoku puzzle for us, while we had a picture humping the Madiba statue’s leg at Nelson Mandela Square. (You can’t hump the ex-president’s leg!”)
- Accosting the guy at the Internet café to hurry the hell up when we had to Google a clue and print it out.
- Everytime Gilb tried to open his mouth, he was met with: “Focus on the sodoku! Bloody hell focus!”
(Gilb: “Please stop spitting on me.”)
- Clues included stopping to buy a litre of petrol (R6,97), reading the sex column in the classifieds, as well as having to listen to 94.7fm at a certain time for another clue. It was very well organised.

It was good [sometimes] clean fun. We won a case of beer and a set of…steak knives. The Gilb was delighted. Steak and beer delighted.

Then, I was silly, and made myself go to a party with a whole lot of mates. To see Goldfish again. My loser’s complex had manifested into something epic by this stage, so I really should’ve stayed at home and made out with Niles my teddy bear instead. I freaked out on entering the establishment, and after a glass of wine, went and sat on the pavement outside while some dude insisted I go visit the same vending machine he just had.
Man: I’m telling you lady, that vending machine at the Shell sells great Smarties.
Peas: ….OK. Different Smarties that I may find at, say, Pick ‘n Pay?
Man: Correct.
Peas: You on drugs?
Man: Yes.
Peas: Fair enough.

I sat and contemplated life on the side of Benmore Street, only to end up attracting a drunk, homeless man to my One Man Pity Party, which I was having none of. Ex S drove there especially to rescue me and took my sorry ass home. I was so thankful, I could’ve eaten my own arm in gratitude.

Sunday was spent with my folks. My step-dad is hilarious. They obviously haven’t entertained in a while, and apparently before my anticipated breakfast arrival, the man rose from bed at sparrow’s fart and cleaned the house from top to bottom and put flowers and tablecloths all over existing pieces of furniture. Mum: “He’s been impossible all morning. Dusting the shutters, throwing his shoes into corners where you can’t see them, and trying to change the lounge furniture around for your arrival.” He’s such a doll. Bless his little tighty whities.

Last night I had some Earl Grey with Moogs, and met up with some mates of mine who I haven't seen in a while. Twas chilled.

Oh and, I was in the newspaper. Well, my blog and that I am a crazy bitch, was in a newspaper. After some serious thought, I realised this is an opinion of a journalist. Just like this blog is an opinion. I knew this was coming. And simultaneously, I grew some staunch balls of steel over the weekend. Which should keep me in good stead next time someone sees my genitalia. If steel balls are their thing, of course.

59 comments:

Billy said...

Morning Sweets,
What paper were you in?

Peas on Toast said...

Bill - Business Day's 'The Weekender.'

Nessers - true. But it didn't exactly give me that warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nessers - publicity is publicity.
What an outrageous weekend...did you manage to get the phone number of the guy you chatted to forever?

Anonymous said...

keep the clipping!
now about that column idea we discussed a while back.....

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - Hee hee, no I didn't get his number. We were about to have a drink and I realised my wallet had walked, so I basically said 'chow bye' and ran around looking for it.

Daytripper - :)

muddlepuddle said...

Business day??

Who was the bastard journo behind it?

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - hey doll face! It was in The Weekender. The journalist is a friend of Small Bums. So yah. Good times. ;)

Anonymous said...

Very funny update Peas, laughed out loud at this:

Peas: You on drugs?
Man: Yes.
Peas: Fair enough.

Sounds like a rip-roaring weekend. What are the details on this Birthday Race? Sounds like a cool event, is there a website or something?

Anonymous said...

you know, it never ceases to amaze me how journo's will crow about editorial freedom and having to stick to their mags brief when as a publicist I pitch stories to them, but let something that THEY have an interst in, or an axe to grind about, come along and all that goes out the window! What a tosser. Having said that, it will def push up your traffic, so who gives a damn what the fool thinks? He just did you a huge favour the idiot!

Peas on Toast said...

Capdog - :)
Yes the race was so much fun. It was actually organised by a guy whose birthday it was, so there isn't a website. But he did mention something about having another one, so you never know, it may turn into a regular thing!

Daytripper - it's odd hey. I've never been on the receiving end of a journo, although my work is published all the time. (Food and beverage, however means I can't portray any personal vendettas, let's face it). At the same time, I know I got what I deserved. If I can spill out my crap on the 'net, then I realise I have to be able to take it. But what kills me is this lady journo has no idea who I am. She's never met me, and she certainly doesn't know how I operate in a non-cyber world. But I suppose that's life.
The article, for those intrested, is also on the Business Day website I believe. My folks read it and also said I deserved it, yet, one can tell it was a personal sting towards me.

Anonymous said...

Just read the article, I don't think it was too bad. Could've been worse I suppose.

Plus, the journalist didn't mention that you don't put real names down. That's quite important.

Peas on Toast said...

Cap - you know, had I got the same criticism from someone objective, who didn't know me or other parties concerned, I really wouldn't have given a shit. But I suppose I know where this is coming from. But at the end of the day, I've taken it, learnt from it and am moving on.

Anonymous said...

Trying to find the article - help?

Peas on Toast said...

Shite I don't know the exact link Jam. I think you'll probably find it on business day website somehwre, if you can click on a 'the weekender' link or something.

Anonymous said...

Okay, found it. Here's my opinion. No, you don't use real names. You have always been careful. I think your personal life is totally yours to do with what you want. If Small Bum found your site, he could merely have switched it off, like a tv. Everyone is an adult here and knows that there are two sides to every story. Clearly this journalist has no interest in your side either. You merely put your side forward, and were also sure to let your readers know that this is what you were doing. We all understand that. Also - is SB so weak and small that he cannot actually face some criticism? If he is so sure of his motives, why is he feeling so insecure, and so petty as to spread your story around like this? I think the female journalist in question should perhaps have done her research a little better.

Anonymous said...

But hey, this is just my personal opinion and we're all allowed to have them....

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - thanks my dear. It's amazing really, had anybody told me this would've happened six months ago, I would've laughed out loud. :)
Thank you. Interestingly, my long-term ex feels exactly the same as you. He has also been at the brunt of my anger here before, and he's been mature and objective enough to let it slide. Wierd huh? It's helluva supportive, and thinks all of this is just pants really. :)

Peanut - hello sweet thing. I don't have th link - can anybody help Peanut out, Capdog, Jam?

Anonymous said...

http://www.businessday.co.za/articles/weekender.aspx?ID=BD4A247600

Anonymous said...

Hey Peas,

I was wondering why you sounded a bit down... I just read the article on their web site... that journalist is a real Beech!

There are people who have done a lot worse. (like revealing a persons HIV status in a book they wrote) She should rather concentrate on the things she mentioned like child pornography and Carte Blanche type stories... not a harmless blog.

I still love to read your blog, and all the crazy things you do. Keep your stories coming!!

PS: Quoted from her article ’’ Without an audience, my friend’s ex-girlfriend would not be an award-winning blogger.’’ She is just jealous that you are a much better writer / journalist that what she is and that you have fans. (not an audience) Or that your life is so interesting.

I think this is the link
http://www.businessday.co.za/articles/weekender.aspx?ID=BD4A247600

Anonymous said...

Will always remember C's calves!!!

kyknoord said...

Opinions are like backsides: everyone has one, but some are just more attractive than others.

Third World Ant said...

Jam, I couldn't agree more. Some points that struck me as odd and ironic from her article:

1 - if SB's so embarrassed by the publicity he's received on this blog, why would he tell someone who obviously isn't that close to him (she didn't even know Peas and SB weren't still together after more than 3 months) that his ex writes about him on a blog? That brings yet another reader to the party.

2 - if she's not really that much of a friend to him, is she really trying to 'protect' her friend, or is it more about stirring some media controversy? Not such an altruistic motive, I'm willing to bet.

3 - if she is indeed a friend who is truly concerned about all the (not-really-that-bad) publicity SB is getting on the Internet, why write an article that will increase the traffic to this site and have even more people reading about her friend?

4 - we can all see the obvious irony in Berchtold's "revenge via media" (as one of Peas' friends so eloquently put it) move. She's doing the very thing she accuses Peas of.

Clearly, the lass has trouble thinking her thoughts through.

Ag well, Peas - don't waste a moment's more thought on this, at least your motives are honest and plainly visible. Revenge is a dish best served to the right person, and I think Berchtold got her victim all wrong.

Anonymous said...

Well put Ant!
Would be nice is the journo could give some feedback on this discussion though!

Anonymous said...

pea..M here.. infact it was only 130km/h on the highway and only about 100km/h on Coleraine... i think you thought it was faster because you were looking at the Manic Mango on your white- well not so white skirt love!!! thanks for a awesome day: dude never had that much fun ever!!

muddlepuddle said...

Good grief peasypoo - well if nothing else the man clearly has a bunch of royal asswipe although loyal friends at that.

They clearly are unawares that you have an entire world of fans that got yo' back!

You see I say there are Rhodians and then there are Rhodents. Fucking rhodent vermin - you're a freaking embarrassment to the rest of us!

Anywhoosiebees you're weekend sounds like a blast Peasypoo - I am going to start living my dream jols through you!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Peanut and Duke. :)

And thanks Anon. The thing is, I don't want to unnecessarily hurt people. It sounds like I'm talking crap, but when I bitch and moan, it's mainly to get shit off my chest, not to start a full-on media war. I suppose much has been learnt from all of this. ;)

JD - C has calves?

Kyknoord - on backsides, someone told me that I have nice one this weekend. I dug that. A lot. :)

Ant - your points are so relevant my little poenniepie. And you're right, I'm not going to take this any further or bother about it. What's done is done, eh?

Jam - wonder is she'll write another article?

M - hello my little poen! I was poening shitting myself - but then I had a drink and all calmed down. :) You drive like Schumi my dear, you should be proud! :)
Then I dropped the bevvie on my poening skirt, and then it looked like I'd poening peed myself...

Muddle - I indeed had a blast at this race, it was a helluva lot of fun and a good distraction! :)

Third World Ant said...

M - I saw the speedo hit 120 kph on Coleraine with my own eyes! And I've never seen so many beemers get out of another car's way... in the fast lane on the highway, nogal! Don't deny it now, missus - you've got 4 witnesses to the contrary :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ant and M - it was hilarious. That Lexus got us into the prize running, what a hoot.

Especially when that oke in the traffic said: "There's something sticking out your window."
Gilb: It's meant to be there.

:)

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I read the article on The Weekender and had no idea it was about your blog.
She doesn't actually mention any names at all, so its not really publicity for you.
Maybe, she didn't intend to be vindictive at all.
But instead is using a story she heard to illustrate an issue. I think that's good storytelling because it gives the story colour.
I was just wondering - your blog is only really from the past month. Where are your archives from the past 18 months? And how long did you and your ex go out for?

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Anon.
No she didn't mention names or my blog address - however there was a pic of my blog on the page. With 'Peas on Toast' clearly visible. I don't hate her, how could I? I don't know her. And you get what you give, so I completely acknowledge that.
Anyway. My archives I took off, because i feel what's past is past and what's done is done.
I went out with this guy for about 4/5 months.

Peas on Toast said...

Jocelyn
You're right, and I do agree with you 100%. His mates found this blog first, even though he knew I wrote one (I did share this with him), but I think his mates finding it was shitty, because there's alot that comes with it. But I suppose this happens.

I'm not too phased. And as I said, at the end of the day, SB and I have buried the hatchet (two days before this came out, funnily enough), and I understand where it all comes from.

Anonymous said...

Hi Peas

Just read the piece in the Weekender. The journalist does have a point. I am sure you are not a vindictive person and probably regret writing about your ex-boyfriend. Take what you can from the article. In future when writing something on your blog ask yourself how it will affect the person you are writing about. I think the poor guy was probably devastated by what you had to say. Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine if someone had written about you in the same fashion on a blog. You would also have felt gutted. By all means rip people off but never get personal because you can destroy someone's self esteem. You don't want that karma. Also this kind of thing will scare guys off and some really nice ones at that and I am sure you want to meet nice guys. Apart from that it is an interesting blog.

Anonymous said...

I see that already assumptions have been made about the article - indicating that perhaps Peas was vindictive. She never was. She never said something that was overtly hurtful. In fact it seemed that the person most hurt in the breakup was PEAS.

Peas on Toast said...

Jocelyn - thanks doll face. :)

Jam - I love that you've been around Jam since I hooked up with SB and then saw how sad and devastated I was from the beginning. Your suuport and advice has been incredible, and I am so grateful for that. It hurt like hell. And now that I can see through the haze, I know that I can move forward, as can SB.

Anon - I agree with some things you say, for sure. I don't feel I was nasty to SB, or dishonest however. I was angry and hurt and all that, and I vented and bitched. And that's why I said I got what I gave out. It's cool. I've learnt something from this. As for scaring nice guys away, I'm hoping the one's I meet in the future will love me for who I am, not what I've said and done in the past.

Anonymous said...

Like you, the journo had an opinion, that she wished to express, not a bad thing?
If you can dish it out, you must be able to take it?

You said you were going to stop writing about Small Bum, but yet, you dont. I dont understand why you cant get over the dude, he is clearly over you.
Spotted him with a chick the other day.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ouch minty peas - nothing like being a bitch!

Who exactly ends an article in a respected newspaper with, "is just not cool." Sounds like the end of a blog rather.

What Peas exposed on her blog are the normal thoughts and feelings many girls go through after a break-up. Her blog helps many of us realise we are all in this madness of life together.

If she had started the blog immediately after the break up AND had solely bad mouthed the guy AND gone out of her way to ensure others read it, THAT would be vindictive.

What does appear to be vindictive is people who come onto a blog only to bad mouth the authoress, rather than just being involved in banter and intelligent commenting.

And Peas, if guys are only willing to be with us if our pasts are keen, at least you have a fellow spinster here!

Good luck with this silliness.

Champagne Heathen said...

Typo: Pasts being "clean" rather than "keen".

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Champers. ;) x

Anonymous said...

hmm, sounds like the squirrel run.

Revolving Credit said...

Can everybody just keep it down a bit - I drank too much last night (don't drink tequila on Sunday night) and now regret it.

However, let me reiterate a statement I have previously made:
Peas my sweet, this is your blog and no-one elses. This is your medium of expression and you get to say whatever you want, however you want. \
This is after all 'Mushy Peas on Toast', not 'Mushy Bum on Toast'. Nobody else needs to be here besides you. While you have addressed difficult situations in your life via this forum, you have maintained the anonimity of all role players. Though you have expressed your feelings, no-one has been slandered, even though some of us may have attempted to guide the conversations down this route.

I do think that if dear miss Katherine Bitchtold had done her homework, as any good journalist should, and actually read/partook in the blog I think that she would have noted that fact that anonimity is key.

Personally I think she wrote it just to get into his bum..err..I mean pants.

Anonymous said...

Hey Peas,

First for everything isn't there! Came across the Weekender article myself and wanted your fans (or detractors for that matter) to hear my take on it.

We all have opinions and some degree of resentment towards partners whenever relationships come to an end. Expressing these feelings can take many forms. Chatting to some mates over a few drinks, writing letters of pain and anger to the ex in question, adding another few pages to ones personal diary, or including a post on a blog. Peas went with the blog.

Subjectivity is a part of writing and it is never easy to read about an ex’s opinion on your failed relationship. I hated seeing my life twisted around in a way that made me look like Mr Hyde. I was Dr Jekyll. I wanted the world to know it. I tried to communicate my concerns to Peas, but her attitude though irritating, was of sound logic. I did not have to read the blog or subject myself to a form of sadomasochistic torture in doing so. No one knew who she was. My name was never mentioned. Only through time did mutual friends become aware of her posts. In so doing, her, mine and a few other identities became apparent. It was unfortunate the secrecy of the blog did not prevail as I can see nothing wrong with Peas expressing her subjective feelings and daily events via the medium of the internet.

Peas told me the blog was her catharsis. Her electronic shrink. It seems she has developed a large following and a close group of commentators that are able to add significant value, advice and humour to her roller-coaster life. Why should I take that away from her? On the grounds I didn’t like seeing myself through her words? I think not.

Keep writing Peas. It seems the world would be a darker place (albeit more productive!) without your daily dose of drama!

Anonymous said...

I think I just got the whole "team poen". Is it a play on words, meant to sound like "tampon"?

I know what a Poen is obviously.

Anonymous said...

It is a bit of a difficult situation as - I am not too sure how many people 'stumbled' across your blog, probably by word of mouth and that word of mouth is also through a network of friends. Therefore there are people out there who know exactly who you are and who you are referring to and the draw of your blog becomes just that (it is not often one gets such uncensored insight into someone’s life).

As Revolving Credit rightly points out it is your blog, your thoughts, feelings and medium of expression. You have followed protocol and not ‘outed’ anyone but this, unfortunately, doesn’t prevent people from recognising themselves. This may be fun, if it is a passing reference, or if it is one of your cronies but I am sure is really rather devastating to see a less than pretty picture of yourself. No one really wants to be disliked or have their faults pointed out.

I have also noticed a bit of a trend in the ‘comments’ section of your blog whereupon people are now, mostly under the guise of anonymity, attacking various aspects of your blog with serious vindictiveness. The medium for your expression has unwittingly given other people a means of gleeful malice. When else are you able to be a complete and utter bitch without consequences. It could actually be quite a lot of fun!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev, Ex S, you guys rock. All of this has been blown completely out of control, and I'm bored. I'm sure you're all bored of it too. Thanks for being so supportive, you're the best.

Capdog - Poen=punani. We're siff chicks, see :)

Subterfuge - points all taken, and thank you.

:)

Antoine said...

I do chuckle: Often:

We write to share information. What information we share is our choice. We can be bland or we can share our most intimate moments. We can Censor our blogs or we can let it all hang out.

Nothing we do in our blogs has not been done for centuries. Instead of the spoken word, we use the written word, where what we say cannot be twisted with impunity by others. Blogs just enable us to reach a wider audience.

Girlwithaonetrackedmind has had her blog going for ages. Humour and very much like Mushy in terms of content. She got a book deal - six figures - Pounds:

She maintained her anonomity for all of three days after the book release. Fall out is large.

We all make choices. Maybe the outcome is not clear when we make them, but we live by what we say and write. If we are not prepared to do that - then our choice will be not to write.

Keep it up Peas - your blog is a GOOD read, and that's what makes it a great blog.

As they say in the classics "Publish and be damned!!"

Anonymous said...

Sif chicks? You sound more like down-to-earth chicks which is a good one.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks chaps.

Revolving Credit said...

So back to the post - what happened to your electric window and why'd it make you change cars? Like couldn't you just drive with the window closed??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev, well the bloody thing decided to to just chill in my door, so it was open. The whole way open, meaning I couldnt just park anywhere and leave it, as the entire car would probably be zyphed before I got back.
Bugger. But we borrowed M's mum's Lexus. It was so much better anyway!

Anonymous said...

Hi Ex S

I think you rock and I just wanted you to know there are a lot of girls out here who think you had a very raw deal. I think you have taken all of this very well. Just to let you know we won't be swayed by some blog... We'll meet you and decide for ourselves. ;)

Anonymous said...

"... Internet banking fraud, child pornography, organ trafficking.." and PEAS! haha.

I was away for a while and actually missed peas on toast with my morning coffee. All caught up now and happy to be back

Revolving Credit said...

So did ya get out the shaving cream and pimp the Lexas for the race?

Pimp my Poen...thats like putting some Bling on your Ring....HAHAHAHAAH...LMAO

Peas on Toast said...

Lol! No we didn't have time - we literally fled from Ludwig, reversed out of the garage and, wheels a-spinning, headed onto our next clue. :)

Anonymous said...

How on earth does anyone get any work done when watching Peas' blog unfold. I have just realised that it is lunch time and I have done NOTHING useful. Perhaps you are all better at multitasking.

Anonymous said...

saw a coment that said something like "maybe think about the other person before bloggin" that defeats the purpose doesn't it? almost everyone close to you knows about your blog so its not like they're going in blind. SB knew about it and there was no noise about his internet notoriety while things were sweet. i say, screw it. go your own way. (although, given recent events, my advice might not be the best...)

Bugwan said...

Word. I have just been alerted of this blog entry about the party so thought it would be amusing to read the war stories from the day. Team Poen thanks for the laughs on the day and well done on 4th. Bleak the Amazing Race has been overshadowed by the Amazing Business Day article.

My view:
Yawn! She is forcing an inattentive audience to read her rants and her opinion is a FARKING boring one! I COULD NOT get myself to read all her dribble! At least your rants got some attention Peas. I had a horrible experience of bad publicity for the company I had in the Cape last year. It's so easy to take it personally. Don't. Look at it this way. Of all the things that have happened in the world over the last 7 days, this Poen decided to write about you! I say damn good work! I had about 0.025% chance of meeting you and found out about your blog through word of mouth and GOOD publicity! Good on ya’ Peas!

Oh, and don't mention it. I think you've wasted enough entries on random thanks! Keep up the good work, I might just become a local here!

Anonymous said...

I dont mean to be a bitch, just seem like you are an intelligent girl and shouldnt get yourself hung up over 1 guy when there are so many adoring fans out there.(Been a bit busy today, therefore the late post)

Dan Lurie said...

Sounds awesome. i love treasure/adventure races, especially when i'm on the team that throws clues in the bin :)

Anonymous said...

Who arranged the amazing race? sounds awesome!