Wednesday, August 16, 2006

thoughts last night

I contemplated a couple of points last night while snacking on various foodstuffs from the fridge. And growing into the couch. And lapping up the solitude of my [clean] apartment.
I also sat staring at my shoes for two hours while pondering the following.

1) It must be shit being a shoe.
They have to walk over floors like the Colony Arms, which is smattered in bits of vomit, cane, cream soda and, probably, microscopic flakes of dandruff. They have to stub out cigarettes, bear my 55kg weight, often on a heel the size of a pin-point, and sometimes, after a hard night clubbing, they’ll get slept in.

2) It must also be shit being eaten by a giant dog.
I’ve never heard this happening to anyone, but it still must be shit.

3) Putting half a block of cheese into a Cuppa Soup is not weird.
When I lived in the States, they gave me dodgy looks when I put various bits of crap in my soup, like cabbage, cheese, onion and tomato. Soup is just soup without the extras.

4) Skiing is incredible.
It’s high time I saved up for some all night clubbing, all day sloping at Val d’Isere.

My last night thoughts were interrupted by The Ant’s boss popping round for a late night cuppa tea, well actually a late night coupla scotches with us fabulous zit-ridden, pyjama-laden ladies. Pulled up on the pavement in his yellow Lamborghini, paced around the apartment in an Armani suit, checked out our toilet and the gangster pictures plastering the door, not to mention the poster of the naked Greek pin-up man nibbling on grapes thrust above his face. In his suit, he sang along to the Southpark soundtrack, which he wholly enjoyed.

Michael Bolton does an incredible rendition of Nessun Dorma. You laugh, but I'm being dead fucking serious right now. I listened to him in the morning mayhem of Oxford Road's traffic-lights-not-working problem, Gautrain construction and what not, and instantly felt calm and light. That Mike Bolton. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, the man just needs some good PR and a new haircut. He's really quite nice.


Jam said...

As a shoe, having to endure a smelly foot in you all day must suck too.
And it really depends what kind of giant dog is trying to eat you as to how pleasant it is / not. If it just swallows you - perhaps not so bad. But if it chews on you - much nastier.
Sorry to say this, but I think Michael Bolton may need more than just good PR...

kyknoord said...

I would imagine being eaten by a giant dog must be pretty much as miserable as being eaten by a giant anything, with the added bonus of dog-breath thrown into the mix. I once dreamed I was eaten by a giant marshmallow. Apparently I have issues.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - PR and an identity change? :)
Yes and perhaps if the canine swallows you whole, it could be ok....

Kyk - You know, I'd love to be eaten by a giant marshmellow. I haven't consumed any drugs, promise. :)

other-duke said...

speaking of Lamborghinis, check this out:,,1369-1372_1981444,00.html

i saw this car out in long street the night before this happened, interesting that it was 'abandoned', he must have been very drunk. peruse thru the photo gallery. OUCH!!

Revolving Credit said...

Please clarify your definition of 'being eaten by a giant dog'

Sounds to me like your took the hairy guy from the Rapoendium Beer Hall home with you.

C said...

Just realised we can called you psquared...poenie peas...hee hee/ he he! What were you doinghaving tea (?!) with a guy in an Armani suite?

Somali said...

Hey Peas,

Very interesting what you think about. But for me just the thought of anything munching away at me... scares the living hell out of me. Especially after receiving an e-mail about a shark attack, and reading about a shark attack some where in Cape Town in the News paper yesterday morning!! Guess what I will be dreaming about tonight… if it’s not your dog, then it will be Kyk's marshmallow!

I had a look at the photos on the link provided by Other Duke - I agree OUCH!! And yes I would also have run away from the scene without looking back.

Phil said...

Exactly which part of you would you like to have eaten by a giant marshmellow Peas? Hmmmm.

As for being eaten by a giant dog I agree that being eaten alive by ANYTHING cannot be much fun. I suspect though a giant dog would be a quicker death than say Piranah fish etc.

Phil said...

And as for that LAMBO. Ouch ouch ouch.

Peas on Toast said...

Other-duke - yeeouch ouch ouch!

Rev - I would take home a hairy man anyday Rev, but I stop when he thinks an espetada is Franco-cuisine. :)

C - it was so funny. Ant's boss just pitched up to have some tea/scotch with us. I was in my jamies looking super glorified hot, and he was checking out our pad in his work attire. Was pretty funny. I can't imagine my boss just pulling in for some tea. - PSquared. :)

Somali - yes, getting chowed alive by anything with teeth has gotta be a bitch. And sharks, let's not even go there, terrified!

Phil - if a giant marshmellow wanted to niblle of my gaschmutzen, I wouldn't say no. *blush*

Peas on Toast said...

I meant 'nibble on my geschmutzen.' *Double blush.*

JamesW said...

hmmm, I sometimes sit and try ponder ponderous thoughts too. I usually hit a blank wall, where it feels like theres absolutely nothing in my head. But sometimes i get a brainwave, one of my last brainwaves, was why they dont put impeller blades on wheels to help cool disc brakes on high preformance vehicles. I got really excited until i found out they already do that. One of these days i'm going to have an original thought, Damnit!!!

Peas on Toast said...

James - on that my dear, on you being an engineer, please send me that email conversation we had about 3 years ago. About engines and acid and shit. It was mindblowing. Shot dollface. x

Suavé said...

Hey Peasypoo!
Anyway, it's weird that you mention things eating you. I once had a dream that a Hamburger was eating ME! LOL!

And you put a block of cheese in your soup? Gedaphuckoudahear! I put all sorts of shit in mine too and people always look at me all funny like. We arent the weird ones, they just a bit behind. Weirdos...HA!

JamesW said...

Oh alright. As long as my name is omitted. I'll track it down tonight and have it to you by tomorrow

Peas on Toast said...

Suavie! My long lost mate, how are you my dear!
So glad you also put different shit in your soup. Yes we are strange, and I'd hate to think for a minute that we're normal. It makes me shudder. :)

James - Of course I'll omit your name you silly boy! :) Cool, yu can send it to this email address or my work one, either or. Thanks guy.

Suavé said...

Yup, I've been good my lovely! Just been going through the grind that's all. And yeah I second that, normal is something that maketh no sense to me. Not in my vocabulary. Mmmmhh...soup. Now you making me hungry!

Peas on Toast said...

Well I hope the grind hasn't been too taxing. I'm off to get some KFC. I cannot sit here and pretend to enjoy the salad I should order rather, because all I want is crispy, greasy chicken.
Now. Right now. OK I'm going.

Simpy the Gimpy said...

Michael Bolton isn't bad at all. I would refer you to his version of Lean on Me, which makes me want to sing along, which is a good thing.

Peas on Toast said...

Simpy the Gimpy - I must be honest m'dear, Lean on Me isn'r on my top ten Mikie Bolton list. However, it's gotta be said that "How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends" and "Time, Love and Tenderness" as well as the very singalongie "Said I Loved You But I Lied...." gets me all choked up, in a good way mind. :)

PS: Blind one, I know.