Wednesday, September 20, 2006

alcoanalysis

Was thinking a lot about alcohol last night.
You know, Mother’s Milk. Horndog Juice, the nectar that blends previously divided nations, Poison.

As a, fuck. God this is hard to write – as a 26-year old, I should know the effects of alcohol. I’ve sure had oodles of practice. And I do know the effects. But one never learns.
I digress. I am perfectly not-hungover right now. But one should know the effects of what they can drink and what they can’t. Know thy enemy I say. Be aware.

1) Tequila makes one horny. Give me three tequilas and I’m ready to shtoink just about anything. Dangerous.

2) Cane makes me aggro and/or high maintenance. I don’t drink cane anymore. Not even at the The Colony Arms. Example:
Stranger: Hi Peas, how you doing?
Peas: What do you mean by that? I don’t like your tone, china.
Stranger: Was just saying hi. Jeez.
Peas: Like whatever.

3) Vodka makes everything right. Except Fitzy’s, which have an industrial amount on vodka therein. Choose vodka in an emergency. It doesn’t make one anything but happy, giggly drunk and falsely athletic.

4) Yaygiebombs. Incoherent, disorientated, horny, a feeling of grandiose and superiority, sessions of memory loss strung together with vivid table-top ass-shaking images. Wonderful stuff. Until the first mock charge the next morning.

But one needs to consider the possibilities of one’s behaviour, especially when the opposite sex is treblefold in the room with one. I get extremely touchy-feely, unbeknownst to me, which is quite blind. I think I become more admin than necessary when scutters.

This matters not at this moment, since at present, I really don’t give a royal flying fudge whether the opposite sex is opposed to my behaviour or not. This is liberating in itself, you know, getting broken and laughing off the fact I squeeze random people’s bottoms, hold their hands, feel their chest hair, occasionally lunge. (Although I haven’t officially lunged anybody that I can remember. Oath on a stack of Bibles.)

I think I ate too much chocolate mousse last night. I made one on returning home from the office. Happily pored over measuring jugs and whisked like a bitch on heat, mind you. I never bake. And ok admittedly, it was one of those ‘pour milk and stir’ efforts. But I feel a little moussed-out.

PS: The newzbubbles to the right. Vincent Maher patented those just for me, in the pink. Most people have the blue, but mine are Peas on Toast pink. You need to download Flash 9 in order to use them to the full. This shit is fresh out of the box.

53 comments:

Pete said...

Oh fuck, i thought the Colon was my dirty little secret.. How can a drink that good (youknowwhat) make a group of people do things that bad?

I know what it's going to do, and I promise myself, 'Myself, no John Deeres for you tonight!'

and after 5 seconds it all goes to shit and I want to balance a jug on my head..

Jam said...

Tequila - very dangerous stuff indeed. I simply don't touch it because after three, I black out and proceed to touch everything around me.
Whiskey - leaves a silly smile on your face for the whole night.
G & T - did someone say maudlin?

Anonymous said...

I want to see a picture of you pea`s. Why do you hide your face from us?

kyknoord said...

Extremely cool. Pink is the new black.

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - John Deeres have been the end of me on many a night. Blanacing the jug on your head, I like that. ;) And the Colon is everybody's dirty little secret m'dear. :)

Jam - I see you know the effects too dollface, sensible indeed. What's with tequila being universally touchy-feely?

Anon - I like to retain an air of mystery. Also hide the fact I'm ten tonnes, have acne, that sort of thing. ;)
Ha ha, just kidding. The Rhodes people in GTown reckon 'I'm no grommit'. I liked that. :)

Kyk - They're cool hey? Dig it.

Revolving Credit said...

It's probably called John Deere cause after you consume copious amounts, misbehave and trash your name, you end up getting a Dear John letter, or these days a Dear John email or sms!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - that and because cane and cream soda is that wonderful tractor shade of green. *shudder*

Antoine said...

Have 3 Tequila's "on me"

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine you hot little hunk of spunk. :)

Daedalus said...

Peas, Jam,

Ya gals up for some mano-a-mano’s?

Wezzo said...

Who ever invented Jagerbombs needs a shiny medal, or an axe through the head. All depending on the time o' day.

Those fancy little news bubbles all you Grahamstown Blogging Festival going cool kids have these days are making me a little jealous. I have to have one, in any colour as long as its devil red and black. Oh and thanks for the invite who ever was in charge, yes I know you reading this. Screw Web 2.0, I could have done a talk on 'how scantily clad ladies will up your blog hits in no time'. Your loss...

Oh and Peas, had to tell you. How you have the energy at 26 to party like a 1st year is beyond me, If I try I could only fit in getting wasted 3 times a week. You seem to do it with reckless abandon daily.

Ok that’s my first and last comment for the next few weeks, I cant keep up with this crazy ass real time commenting...

Daedalus said...

Bwhahaha!
Trust Wez to crack me up!

Bored?
Why not visit Ertie-Blog?
Asynchronous blogging...
gone Synchronous!

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - mano-a-mano's? hand-on-hand? As in soak me senseless? ;)

Wezz - hello my chine. I must say The Chumpstylers blog came up a lot at the conference. And the answers around the buzz were unanimous: tits and ass get you hits. Similarly, sex always sells. You guys have it down tap with hilarious editorial thrown in between. That's why you have a fan in me dollface.

As for the newzbubbles, check out Vincent's blog and ask him for some of those bubbles. They're taking the blog and net world generally by storm. And for the first time ever, I have something on my template that people want - a miracle :)

M'dear I don't know how I still party like a first year - I still reckon I'm 18 at heart I suppose. State of mind I say. Cliche of 'age is just a number' really DOES apply to me.
:)

Daedalus said...

Mano-a-Mano: Tequila, salt and lemmon.

3 rounds, on me. ;)

What will *Soaking* have to do with it? Hehe… *EG*

other-duke said...

I shudder to think what happens if you have 4 Tequilas...

Not sure what's suppoosed to happen if i click a bubble, but i'm getting a newzbubble website with nothing on it.

Jam said...

Oh dear. We just got offered three rounds of tequila. I am investing in a chastity belt and a pair of mittens for the occasion.

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - I meant slap. Oh dear. :)

O-D: You need to download Flash 9.

Four tequilas and luckily I'm comatose on the floor.

Champagne Heathen said...

Hmmm...I've never had a problem with the alcohol=behaviour things. Like gin making you cry. Or brandy making you feel like a character from Tekkin 3 (sp?). They all just make me act like bouncing fool in general. Though rum does make me smell the next day. And Jagerbombs just make me kotch.

Can I get in on these tequila rounds?

Daedalus said...

Jam,
Chastity belt!? Bwhahaha!
Should know that I am far more devious than a round (or 3) of Tequilas. >;)

Peas
[insert fake puzzled frown here]...
I am always a perfect gentleman >:)

Peas on Toast said...

champers - albsolutely. although I'm so horned up at the moment (must be spring?) I may not even need those tequilas.

Daedalus - I'm certain you're the perfect gentleman m'dear.

Revolving Credit said...

Oh my sack, you've done it 2 days running.
Yesterday was Schnitzel and now its Daedalus:
'hand-on-hand? As in soak me senseless?'

Best you stay away from the Tequila-JagerJohns!!

They seem to stimulate close-contact sexual amnesia.

other-duke said...

Arrr! i see, not all of them return results. i just happened to be clicking those that didn't every single time.

I want bubblez! Gotta get me some bubblez

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - sherbert I'm embarrassed for my lewd behaviour at present, in words anyway. Can you tell I'm hornier than 40-year old virgin?? *blush*

OD - Yip, it's still in patent stage, some results, like 'poen' won't come up. :)

Vincent - you there? Everyone wants you bubbles!

Jam said...

Spring doth maketh a girl horny.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - after feeling asexual for four months, not interested in anything, I'm suddenly feeling most open-minded about members of the male species. It's wonderful :) Must be Spring!

Daedalus said...

Ak... run!

Nic said...

Peas, Im an Ex-Rhodent and friends with the Carly and Groogle's of the Gtown. Vincent put me on to the bubbles too. I am SUPER jealous that you got your customised colour!!!

Very impressive, the skills of a women on tequila!! :)

Anyways, i love your blog, been watching it for a while now. Keep on posting!

Nic

Bratwurst said...

"Also hide the fact I'm ten tonnes, have acne, that sort of thing. ;)"

I'm sure there is a pic of that somewhere?

Jam said...

Trust me, Peas is none of those things.

Bratwurst said...

Really?

Hmmm, I wonder... ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Nic! Yip I'm a lucky bitch for getting mine customised. That Vince, he's great. :)

Bratwurst/Pflaumie.Schnitzel/Kraut/The Kraut - you still haven't answered everyone's questions regarding the size of your totty.

he he he :)

Jam - thanks my darling. Wanna be my publicist? :)

Bratwurst said...

We are renowend for our saussages and not for schnitzel! ;) so there we go! BAAAAA!

bratwurst said...

hehe, I don't wanna get mushed up by peas so I better spill the beans.

Can only agree with Jam on his last comment :P

Peas = no grommit, even with beergoggles :P

Peas on Toast said...

Kraut - you sure? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like a challenge.

Peas will post an acne elephant pic if ApfelSchnitzelWurts posts a pic of his frankfurter.

Peas, get out your measuring tape.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh bless, thanks Kraut. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - what a superb idea! (As usual).

Up for the challenge Kraut? I'll post a pic of myself trying to put pants on if you post a pic of your wienerschnitzel.

Jam said...

Sure Peas. Anything to get you laid...
;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam you're such a mate. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Kraut's spokesperson: The Kraut says he's too shy to post pictures up of his geschmutzen. You just going to have to take his word for his great bigness.

;)

Revolving Credit said...

...(no,no,no..the evil thoughts are winning..I can't fight back..)

Was that publicist or pubelicist??
*anything to get you laid?*

Jam said...

Down Revo, down.

Revolving Credit said...

(OK, composure has returned.)

Apfelschnitzenwurst:
Are you managing to keep pace with the hyper-blogging ie. more that 1 comment per hour?

Its a form of Bloggenger - 1/2 Blog + 1/2 Messenger.

The high no. of hits and comments aren't caused by WEB 3 or any other technical innovation, but purely throught personal interaction.
Search engines, clouds, bubbles and the rest just result in an initial hit. The personal interaction results in frequest returns. Not sure what you discussed at the DCI, but how heavily was the human interaction side emphasized?

(see I can say something without descending into the gutter)

Champagne Heathen said...

It didn't make an ounce of sense to me. Please can you resume gutter talk.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs I'm with you. Our little Rev manages to do both, however, equally articulately.

The Kraut is driving somewhere at the moment. Probably to get some much-needed air. :)

Peas on Toast said...

PS: Rev, on a serious note, during my speed talk session, I spoke about the community of blogging. And how it becomes a virtual chat room, a support system and such, especially for my blog. The community aspect of blogging in incredible.

Pete said...

True, unless it disolves into a teasing match:)

Pete said...

= the problem with iBlog, we're a bit incestous:)

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - what a cute story! Bless. ;)

I don't mind getting teased. Pflaumie/Kraut might though. :)

Pete said...

With a sausage that size?

C said...

All I feel like doing is going and smashing a serious amount of tequila right now...or maybe vino, no gin, over tears!!!! And men! brong on booze! ha ha ha, I am pathetic!

Peas on Toast said...

C - my darling poen. Booze and men=bad combination. Let's do it. Drown our sorrows in tequila dollface. That way we can forget about men altogether. Keen?

Daedalus said...

Ertjie!

Things really went South in here since last check ...

Forget about men? ak!

I can be a publicist... :o