Thursday, January 25, 2007

A car for Ant

The curiosity got the better of our queen last night and we went to the see that film. Splendid.
Then The Ant mentioned she was looking at getting a new car.

The Ant: An Alfa definitely.
Peas: Pants. Did you see my last car? The Ityes – like the French, I am the first to admit – cannot make cars.
The Ant: What??? You drove an Uno.
Peas: That aside, I was told I should be wearing a helmut when I got behind the wheel. I really think you should get a New Beetle.
The Ant: WHAT??? That’s absurd. Have you been smoking crack? Just last week your windows were fucked!
Peas: I know I’ve done a fair bit of bitching and moaning about Ludwig, but he really really is, still my baby. The windows experience only brought us closer. We bonded.
The Ant: Two New Beetles parked next to each other in our communal parkade would be so cheesy. No. Absolutely not.
Peas: He’s a cute car, c’mon admit it. He roars with that 2 litre engine.
The Ant: The Beetle is not exactly the most aerodynamic vehicle. A Beetle, as a high performance machine?? You’re hammered, aren’t you?
Peas: No. Look! He’s a gadget car. Built-in sunglasses holder on the ceiling, seat heaters! With variegating heat – look! See?
The Ant:…yeah that is kinda cool.
Peas: Aircon, power steering and check out these ABS brakes! [I brake sharply for effect.]
The Ant: No. Too cheesy.
Peas: You could get one in red! With a soft top! With a 1.8 turbo engine! We can drag race in the streets! Although you’d kick my ass.
The Ant: My boss would laugh at me and I’d never hear the end of it. I want an Italian car.
Peas: Just think…two new Beetles…they’d fall in love!
The Ant: My car would be a boy.
Peas: That’s fine. Luddie is gay. You could call yours Heimlich, or…Jürgen.
The Ant: The ass of a Beetle sucks.
Peas: Beg pardon? His ass is beautiful.
The Ant: For ass, I’m considering the Renault Megane. Now that’s ass.
Peas: What! The Beyonce car? You’re dreaming.
The Ant: No way. An Alfa. Who I’ll name Franco, or Angelo or Flavio, or Luigi.
Peas: Spoil sport. But you do have a point. The windows will break after two years.
The Ant: An Alfa in fire engine red! God! I’m turning myself on!
Peas: Ven I talk to Ludvig, I talk to him in za Deutsche, vee talk za language of vörsprung durch technik…
The Ant [interrupting] ..I had this dream, involving a white Alfa Romeo Brera, with white interior – everything is white - and I step out in white…serious skidmarks… God, what a great dream.
Peas: That’s revolting.

PS: My office's internet connection is down. No email, no blogging. Fack.
PPS: Faaack!

20 comments:

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,
Get a Hot-Hatch, any model...

Urk said...

aaaahhh...how quickly you forget all the cursing about VWSA, and now you try lure the ant into the same trap. shame shame shame.1 question. the skidmarks. on the road or on your bloomers?

kyknoord said...

When I was in the army, we had a charming expression: "as jy dom is, moet jy kak". The I want an Alfa syndrome can often only be cured by actually owning one.

ChewTheCud said...

lol - what is it about girls and cars? Italian engineering? ok its better than french engineering - but the japs and the germans have it ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

I know that I am slow today, and also own a cheapass (GORGEOUS!) car with NO features, but what is "variegating heat"????

Chews, watch what you say about the french!

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

STEP AWAY FROM THE ITALIAN AND FRENCH ENGINEERING!
Yes the Japs and Germans have it right Im afraid. Now Im thinking Black Runx, its hot and well I love mine!!!

Insane Insomniac said...

i'm still a huge fan of teh mini cooper s cabriolet idea for Ant. But the toyota runx ain't so bad either. Actually, toyota is a great car!
Not too sure about the newer models coming out.

muddlepuddle said...

I just recently acquired the mini cooper s - god its hot. Not the convertible though because I don't actually like the soft top.
God its fast.

I once almost bought a Alfa147 but Claudio the sales assistant whom I'm pretty sure was Italian, told me under his breath that it's the worst car ever made and they have endless problemos with it.
So I dunno Ant if it's worth the risk!

What about a Vespa? I am culturally backward which is not my fault as I hail from the east rand, but the vespa seems quite Itye/European yeah?

Urk said...

im with you on that one muddle. cooper s's are the shizzle. peace out.

ChewTheCud said...

tell her to get a beach buggy! she knows the one ;)

Sarah said...

A friend just bought a second hand Alfa after EVERYONE told him not to. Then after one month the cam belt snaps. (I'm a girl - no clue what that is). Six grand of damage and the dealer will cover only half. Alfa's new - maybe. Alfa's second-hand - probably will make you a sad panda...

And I would trade no internet today for aircon. It's 35 degrees in the office here in Cape Town and outside it's sweltering.

Billy said...

Ant: Buy a Tata hatch rather than the Alfa, its not as cool but it wont give you as much shit!

You cant go wrong with a Audi A3 / BMW 1 (BMW may cause you to become inconciderate and a bit of a tosser though) if you need the image bit but a Alfa is a dodgy buy, even though i believe they are easily the best looking!

Anonymous said...

Hello peeps. I must say I'm totally astounded that everyone is baying for the Mini. With such response, I'd really expect to be seeing more of them on the road. Why aren't there more? Perhaps because the car, as pretty as it is, is a tad overpriced...

And please! Let's leave any Italian engineering comments out of this one, mkay? My poor ego can't take it :)

Muddle, I'm going to hunt Claudio down and shoot him in the knee caps for his treachery! (although I'm glad you didn't have to experience the troubles for yourself)

Third World Ant said...

ps: anonymous was me, damn blogger's being attrocious today.

Peas is driving me bloody mad calling me every hour to check comments on her blog for her. She says hi, she misses the blogosphere, and is tearing her hair out because the phone lines were stolen from her office.

Anonymous said...

There is another option. If you are going to spend that kind of money on a car, it might as well be super sexy, and reliable. The VW golf 5. Now there is quality and sophistication if i have ever seen it.

Urk said...

antie - you just answered your question.they are overpriced for that reason. so that only those who really REALLY want (need?!) one will buy one and they remain exclusive. its inconvenient (4 seater my ass) but you just fall in love wif the ting, you know. those who own them are nutters about them. how many bmw 1 series / toyota run x /audi /you name it breakfast runs have you heard of?

Inyoka said...

One of the big issues involved in buying a new car is the green issue. OK - maybe not in SA where no one cares a damn(judging by the death traps and smoke belchers that rattle around on the national roads), but probably quite soon. Believe me, green taxes are a tax man's dream and Trevor will catch on soon (politicians exempted of course).

This notwithstanding - do you care about global warming? Climate change? Your carbon footprint? Droughts and desertification of the Transvaal as an inheritance for your grandchildren?

Electrics and hybrids are in, or cars with very low emissions.

Take the Smart option. Much cheaper to run and environmentally friendly.

Urk said...

greenhouse, schmeenhouse.thats why we have fossil fuels, no? drive a fuel guzzler while you still can. you will fall asleep behind the wheel of a (not so) smart.

other-duke said...

you're forgetting the flower holder... makes the car go faster.

As for the Megane, don't you mean J-Lo? Beyonce doesn't have nearly as much junk in her trunk.

Stop fucking around.. get a Golf 5 GTI

Hot Pink Flush said...

Hey Peas! Have written a post in honour of the Car Search!