The curiosity got the better of our queen last night and we went to the see that film. Splendid.
Then The Ant mentioned she was looking at getting a new car.
The Ant: An Alfa definitely.
Peas: Pants. Did you see my last car? The Ityes – like the French, I am the first to admit – cannot make cars.
The Ant: What??? You drove an Uno.
Peas: That aside, I was told I should be wearing a helmut when I got behind the wheel. I really think you should get a New Beetle.
The Ant: WHAT??? That’s absurd. Have you been smoking crack? Just last week your windows were fucked!
Peas: I know I’ve done a fair bit of bitching and moaning about Ludwig, but he really really is, still my baby. The windows experience only brought us closer. We bonded.
The Ant: Two New Beetles parked next to each other in our communal parkade would be so cheesy. No. Absolutely not.
Peas: He’s a cute car, c’mon admit it. He roars with that 2 litre engine.
The Ant: The Beetle is not exactly the most aerodynamic vehicle. A Beetle, as a high performance machine?? You’re hammered, aren’t you?
Peas: No. Look! He’s a gadget car. Built-in sunglasses holder on the ceiling, seat heaters! With variegating heat – look! See?
The Ant:…yeah that is kinda cool.
Peas: Aircon, power steering and check out these ABS brakes! [I brake sharply for effect.]
The Ant: No. Too cheesy.
Peas: You could get one in red! With a soft top! With a 1.8 turbo engine! We can drag race in the streets! Although you’d kick my ass.
The Ant: My boss would laugh at me and I’d never hear the end of it. I want an Italian car.
Peas: Just think…two new Beetles…they’d fall in love!
The Ant: My car would be a boy.
Peas: That’s fine. Luddie is gay. You could call yours Heimlich, or…Jürgen.
The Ant: The ass of a Beetle sucks.
Peas: Beg pardon? His ass is beautiful.
The Ant: For ass, I’m considering the Renault Megane. Now that’s ass.
Peas: What! The Beyonce car? You’re dreaming.
The Ant: No way. An Alfa. Who I’ll name Franco, or Angelo or Flavio, or Luigi.
Peas: Spoil sport. But you do have a point. The windows will break after two years.
The Ant: An Alfa in fire engine red! God! I’m turning myself on!
Peas: Ven I talk to Ludvig, I talk to him in za Deutsche, vee talk za language of vörsprung durch technik…
The Ant [interrupting] ..I had this dream, involving a white Alfa Romeo Brera, with white interior – everything is white - and I step out in white…serious skidmarks… God, what a great dream.
Peas: That’s revolting.
PS: My office's internet connection is down. No email, no blogging. Fack.