Thursday, January 18, 2007

the simple split

There are two kinds of people in this world.
The nice and the nasty.

Classic example of the nasty: The editor (who is out to destroy me), has gone and adopted a cat. This should be a charitable gesture if it didn't mean everyone else has to look after it.
I don't like cats. And cats don't like me. Please, God, explain why I am the person who has to dash off to Engen Hillbrow during lunch to buy it fucking Whiskas Choona Chunks? Am I now adding cat food as a prime criterion in my monthly expenditure? It would appear so.

I don't look at this cat, and it runs away when it sees me, so this is the most usless pet I have ever had to nourish in my entire life. Plus I already have a pet.

Classic example of the nice: The tin of Whiskas Choona Chunks, which I have gone into Hillbrow for, as there are no other convenience stores selling this particular brand of cat food - is R12.99. I have Ten Ront on me.
An angel appears from the heavens (actually he appears from a white Toyota Corolla), steps through the automatic doors and hands me three extra rand.
"No no," I protest, "I will just whack it onto my card."
'I insist' he says. Smiles at me, I smile back and I pay for the Choona Chunks.

What a nice man, what a gesture! In a world filled with greed and neglectful cat owners that make their deputy editors run off to buy food.
There is still kindness in this cruel place afterall.
I smiled braadly at him, wave and then...caught a glimpse of my teeth in the rearview mirror.

Beautiful really. If a piece of yellow Dorito caught between one's incisors is your thing.

28 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

Have I got this right?

'Some stranger in Hillbrow gives you 3 rand to help nourish your pussy, as you editor is too busy to play with it'

Did this occur near any well frequented street corners???

Peas on Toast said...

It did in fact. On the corner of Louis Botha and Twist, if I recall correctly.

You have it right, except one minor thing..."3 rand to help nourish HER pussy"

Let's not forget whose is whose here. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Your editor is a woman???

Elle said...

Some guy offered to pay for mags I bought once, which came up to R78! I said no though, I had money... I think he was trying to pick me up!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - she is a she-person.

Elle - Mate he was definitely thinking beyond doondie lines there my girl. ;)

Elle said...

LOL!!! he just wouldn't let up though.. i am like dude it's fine.. i have cash, daddy gave me lots of cash... Whatever happened to picking people up from bars!!! couple of pina coladas...

Daedalus said...

Hillbrow, pussy and editor all in one post .. wtf?

elle's comment confused the shit out of me being a guy who recently bough mags (the type you have on cars see).... just though to myself ... wtf? mag for R78? eich ..

Daedalus said...

i c i miss a t ak

Dick said...

Hey Peas,
Since you are buying the felion food, its just a matter of time until you are the highest priority person in its little life. Good thing you boss hasn't asked you to take it home.. I hate cats, and I think Chad would too.. and Umm whats the deal with the little pussy chirps? ;)

Daedalus said...

Time to go home ... the letters they all seem the saaaaaame to me...

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng t mi cpny

Peas on Toast said...

Elle - now if it's drinks, then you've got something... ;)

D-Guy - Yeah, cheap for a couple of high-flying super blingy mags eh?

Dick - Rev started the pussy chirps. Don't worry, you and Chad are still my priority - that darn cat isn't coming home with me! :)

Elle said...

LOL!! okay sorting out the confusion.. Magazines!!! it's been a long day and with all the smsing mags is easier to type! :)

Revolving Credit said...

D my boy, @ R78 I think she's refering to magazines : Cosmo, Vanity Fair, Get Away, Playbloy...that type of stuff.

PS. What how much package we talking about for the progamming job at your company? Do the benefits include free mags??

Daedalus said...

Haha Revo ... just joking ... we do not have vacancies - they pay kak though ... I work for a bank ya know

Gypsy said...

HAHAHAHHAHA.... poor peas.. having to deal with cats!

Elle- R78 for Mags, sorry, Magazines.. you are slacking.

I want a job.. someone give me a job

Revolving Credit said...

Programmer at a bank...mmm....let me think.

'Sorry guys we're just testing the upgraded EFT protocol set, here's the new test account we've setup in the Cayman Islands, just for testing purposes, you know ...nudge,nudge, wink,wink!'

Gypsy said...

Rev- LOL

Elle said...

Rev - thank you! :)

gypsy - slacking? I think not! that was my second run that month!

kyknoord said...

I sometimes plunk down my hard-earned cash to speed things up at the checkout - e.g. when the senile old bat in front of me starts rooting through her bag in search of the missing ten cent piece that she probably swallowed earlier thinking it was a laxative.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - I also have serious issues with impatience that fall just beyond swinging baseball bats and going all Pyscho on the old garnny's ass when she takes like FOREVER to write a cheque for a R8.99 Liqui-Fruit or whatever.

Urk said...

"whilst the senior citizen was taking too long to pay at the checkout counter, the Psycho's blood began to boil. To make matters worse, her Loreal Feria blue wash had been applied unevenly. Furthermore, she had not ironed her pink and white and blue floral print dress this morning and she had matched it with red crocs....."

other-duke said...

That guy has probably has a fantasy for years of helping out a damsel in distress and getting laid in the back seat of his car for his chivalry (which would technically make you a R3 hooker).

He's either blogging right now about how you crushed his dreams or is thankful that he escaped after seeing your smile of the month :)

Peas on Toast said...

OD - ha ha ha! It was also mapped out perfectly - he'd found his R3 hooker, it was all set...and then she smiled her Dorito smile...and the deal was off.
;)

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