Monday, January 29, 2007

very disappointing

Well this makes a change. First I have Internet connection.
Secondly, I can’t hold my alcohol anymore.
No, you don’t understand. Last year I was downing ten Jaegermeisters, five long drinks and other fluidy detritus in one night sitting, and I wouldn’t even stumble [much] around. At the worst, I’d spill something, sing into a microphone in public and suck the face of a bottom feeder at the Mandog.

The gift that keeps on giggling. Right? Wrong. Two drinks later, not only am I properly wasted, but I’m also properly ill.
I’ve had roughly a month’s break from the Juice From Heaven, [didn’t Jesus turn water into wine?]
I’ve developed a, quite frankly, annoying alcohol intolerance. Just like that.
Friday I had maybe three, four drinks. Including the glass of La Motte I had at home after a brief catch up at Turtle Freak with everyone.

Not a fucking chance was I going out. I went home to scrapbook.
Which is good, really, since I came home and promptly parked a tiger.
(Say what?)

I had such high booze tolerance last year, the concept of chundering aprés le bender didn’t so much as cross my mind, even if I crashed into the coffee table and left the fridge door open after smashing leftover lasagne in complete inebriation. It’s just not my style, I haven’t cotched in years.
There I was, scrapbooking like a demon, stretched out on the lounge carpet in just my doondies and gold stilettos, wielding a Pritt stick. (One needs to break in shoes before one swans around in them).

I suddenly felt really really kak, what with the involuntary contorting of my oesophageal cardiac sphincter reflexing itself like how Sylvester Stallone contracts his guns in Rambo 3. It was a cultured vomay – very short, not particularly projectile-like and generally not too hectic, but nevertheless, bottom line is: I’m scrapbooking and parking tigers after 4 drinks. My party days have clearly retired on me until further notice.

I decided to do a wee bit of blogging in this state ad blottotum. The room was spinning, I was listening to Punjabi MC – loud - as The Ant and The Gilb were frenetically busying themselves nekkid behind closed doors. Please bear in mind the misjudgement. Below is my post before-chunder, which I have added here simply because it’s completely incomprehensible (I’ve [sicced] everything.):

So like I rtealised [sic] that officially tunerned [sic] into an old fart on Friay [sic] night.
I pribablu[sic] have to edic [sic] this three thijme,[sic]because, although I’m an Officla [sic]Old Loser, I still had apaerty [sic] all by myself. ) There you go. because reallt[sic]. I obviously hada [sic] some kind of aprty [sic] touter [sic] seuake.[sic].

Fuck I love scarp [sic] booking. And if there was a fire in our apartmernt[sic] right mow [sic], God forbid, the first thing I’s [sic] grab would be my photo a;lbum.s [sic] and scapbooks [sic]. And Chad my [sic] vermin, of cousrese. [sic] Also new ghold [sic] spike heels.
I sulaly [sic] get phtos [sic] developed once every sic [sic] months and put into book. Most pics are chaotic partyeies [sic] and of general clowning around, but, quitevfranlkly [sic], they’re classic. .
I want make important cnogical [sic] evenst [sic] eith [sic] regards to classix [sic] timelinjes [sic] of my life.
When did I not attend parties, drink a shitload, generally misbehave in 2006? Crazy crazy Carzyi [sic] fucking year.
Concludng, [sic] I feel sick now cos I am half-teetotoling [sic] this year and carp [sic] an instru7mnet [sic] in your orn [sic] stomach, in other words -0 you don’[sic]. (What the fuck? – Ed)
Think I nerd [sic] to chunda.

A heartfelt, poignant, if not enlightening literary piece of pigeon guano, that.
I can’t hold my booze anymore, yo.


Revolving Credit said...

Thus goos to shoe that scrapebookin can b3d angerus for yuir healh!!\
Witch way was the srapboop spindling???

fly said...

Try a banging headache on friday night after 1..yes 1 Vodka and Lime (and it was mixed with soda !!!)..

I was eyes were skew (I love that word) and I had the settling in of a major headache....wake up at 1 in the morning (after going to bed at 10) feeling hideous...and I didnt even go out....where's the justice in that.. ??? does go, you just have your moments I guess...there was a stage in my life where I would get sick after every drinking session...those 2 years really sucked...I didnt stop drinking tho...hehehe

Revolving Credit said...

Fly - Exactly how big was this 1 Vodka & Lime. 1 tot or 1 jug??

Peas on Toast said...

Hi chaps!

Can't believe I'm finally back onto the intenet! *excitement previals*
I've been one bored, lonely, frustrated chicken over the last few days believe you me!

Rev - cfoudn'y tell.

Fly - hectic china - seriously how big was thr glass? I hear you was like I was 16 all over again. I'm a lightweight these days...

fida said...

u still didnt say.........where u bought the shoes and bag from?????


Insane Insomniac said...

See Peas, drinking is like any other excercise. When you stop training, you lose stamina and then you see your arse.
Happened to me when I first moved here (granted, 3 beers and I've always been anyone's)
Practice, practice, practice.
Or it could have been a case of el cheapo booze hitting you hard.

kabintsimbi said...

oh dear god! You do you stare at the screen when you're so drunk?!? Baffels eyes go squint!

I also had a 'small' puke over the're not the only one out there! I found myself lugging a nice bottle of Boschendal around the J&B Met after party & hiding the contents of the bottle behind 'suddenly appearing' trucks next to the dancefloor. What a night! Far too much fun!

Who cares anyway what you do when you're least you had fun doing it...& you were in killer new heels! What a way to party on your own! Nuff said!

Jam said...

Funny that. I seem to have a four glass tolerance too. And I chundered last week as well. Aaargh.

Inyoka said...

SCRAPBOOKING??? In the age of web2 and Flickr?

Scrapbooking is what my wife does! She can't hold her booze either.


fly said...

Scrapbooking....i've always found it quite a bizarre thing to do, and what do you scrapbook Pea's ??? I have a friend that just scrapbooks things her friends give her...and thats anything...wierd...but i digress... :o)

How big was the glass ??? was a double with a shot of lime and usual... ?!

Maybe its just that time of the year...that and I havent been out since NYE....maybe its time to change that.. :o)

Urk said...

vomiting without much alcoholic provocation could possibly be attributed to Panjabi MC. Many a mere mortal has spilled his/her guts after listneing to the incessant *noise*

Peas on Toast said...

Fida - sorry my love, the shoes and bag from lovely old Shoe City (stocks YDE shoes, but at half the price) and the bag Pink Parsley. :)

Insane - I'm insanely out of practice - who woulda thought eh? ;)

Kab - Good on you dollface! I'm glad I'm not the only chick out there having a cultured vomay! :) This goes for Jam too...:) You guys rock.

Jam - ...and you have a complete excuse to do this my darling. I just hope you're holding up generally. xx

Inyoka - Your wife is an awesome lady. :)

Fly - I am a hoarder, so I scrapbook photos with tickets, letters, pictures I draw (eeeek) and other paraphernalia I collect...;)

Urk - I'm blaming the whole episode on Punjabi. ;)

Inyoka said...


I cannot dispute that!