Monday, January 29, 2007

very disappointing

Well this makes a change. First I have Internet connection.
Secondly, I can’t hold my alcohol anymore.
No, you don’t understand. Last year I was downing ten Jaegermeisters, five long drinks and other fluidy detritus in one night sitting, and I wouldn’t even stumble [much] around. At the worst, I’d spill something, sing into a microphone in public and suck the face of a bottom feeder at the Mandog.

The gift that keeps on giggling. Right? Wrong. Two drinks later, not only am I properly wasted, but I’m also properly ill.
I’ve had roughly a month’s break from the Juice From Heaven, [didn’t Jesus turn water into wine?]
I’ve developed a, quite frankly, annoying alcohol intolerance. Just like that.
Friday I had maybe three, four drinks. Including the glass of La Motte I had at home after a brief catch up at Turtle Freak with everyone.

Not a fucking chance was I going out. I went home to scrapbook.
Which is good, really, since I came home and promptly parked a tiger.
(Say what?)

I had such high booze tolerance last year, the concept of chundering aprés le bender didn’t so much as cross my mind, even if I crashed into the coffee table and left the fridge door open after smashing leftover lasagne in complete inebriation. It’s just not my style, I haven’t cotched in years.
There I was, scrapbooking like a demon, stretched out on the lounge carpet in just my doondies and gold stilettos, wielding a Pritt stick. (One needs to break in shoes before one swans around in them).

I suddenly felt really really kak, what with the involuntary contorting of my oesophageal cardiac sphincter reflexing itself like how Sylvester Stallone contracts his guns in Rambo 3. It was a cultured vomay – very short, not particularly projectile-like and generally not too hectic, but nevertheless, bottom line is: I’m scrapbooking and parking tigers after 4 drinks. My party days have clearly retired on me until further notice.

I decided to do a wee bit of blogging in this state ad blottotum. The room was spinning, I was listening to Punjabi MC – loud - as The Ant and The Gilb were frenetically busying themselves nekkid behind closed doors. Please bear in mind the misjudgement. Below is my post before-chunder, which I have added here simply because it’s completely incomprehensible (I’ve [sicced] everything.):

So like I rtealised [sic] that officially tunerned [sic] into an old fart on Friay [sic] night.
I pribablu[sic] have to edic [sic] this three thijme,[sic]because, although I’m an Officla [sic]Old Loser, I still had apaerty [sic] all by myself. ) There you go. because reallt[sic]. I obviously hada [sic] some kind of aprty [sic] touter [sic] seuake.[sic].

Fuck I love scarp [sic] booking. And if there was a fire in our apartmernt[sic] right mow [sic], God forbid, the first thing I’s [sic] grab would be my photo a;lbum.s [sic] and scapbooks [sic]. And Chad my [sic] vermin, of cousrese. [sic] Also new ghold [sic] spike heels.
I sulaly [sic] get phtos [sic] developed once every sic [sic] months and put into book. Most pics are chaotic partyeies [sic] and of general clowning around, but, quitevfranlkly [sic], they’re classic. .
I want make important cnogical [sic] evenst [sic] eith [sic] regards to classix [sic] timelinjes [sic] of my life.
When did I not attend parties, drink a shitload, generally misbehave in 2006? Crazy crazy Carzyi [sic] fucking year.
Concludng, [sic] I feel sick now cos I am half-teetotoling [sic] this year and carp [sic] an instru7mnet [sic] in your orn [sic] stomach, in other words -0 you don’[sic]. (What the fuck? – Ed)
Think I nerd [sic] to chunda.

A heartfelt, poignant, if not enlightening literary piece of pigeon guano, that.
I can’t hold my booze anymore, yo.

13 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

Thus goos to shoe that scrapebookin can b3d angerus for yuir healh!!\
Witch way was the srapboop spindling???

fly said...

Try a banging headache on friday night after 1..yes 1 Vodka and Lime (and it was mixed with soda !!!)..

I was bombed...my eyes were skew (I love that word) and I had the settling in of a major headache....wake up at 1 in the morning (after going to bed at 10) feeling hideous...and I didnt even go out....where's the justice in that.. ???

Anyways...it does go, you just have your moments I guess...there was a stage in my life where I would get sick after every drinking session...those 2 years really sucked...I didnt stop drinking tho...hehehe

Revolving Credit said...

Fly - Exactly how big was this 1 Vodka & Lime. 1 tot or 1 jug??

Peas on Toast said...

Hi chaps!

Can't believe I'm finally back onto the intenet! *excitement previals*
I've been one bored, lonely, frustrated chicken over the last few days believe you me!

Rev - cfoudn'y tell.

Fly - hectic china - seriously how big was thr glass? I hear you though..it was like I was 16 all over again. I'm a lightweight these days...

fida said...

u still didnt say.........where u bought the shoes and bag from?????

fida

puresoul786@yahoo.com

Insane Insomniac said...

See Peas, drinking is like any other excercise. When you stop training, you lose stamina and then you see your arse.
Happened to me when I first moved here (granted, 3 beers and I've always been anyone's)
Practice, practice, practice.
Or it could have been a case of el cheapo booze hitting you hard.

kabintsimbi said...

oh dear god! You go...how do you stare at the screen when you're so drunk?!? Baffels me...my eyes go squint!

I also had a 'small' puke over the weekend...you're not the only one out there! I found myself lugging a nice bottle of Boschendal around the J&B Met after party & hiding the contents of the bottle behind 'suddenly appearing' trucks next to the dancefloor. What a night! Far too much fun!

Who cares anyway what you do when you're pissed...at least you had fun doing it...& you were in killer new heels! What a way to party on your own! Nuff said!

Jam said...

Funny that. I seem to have a four glass tolerance too. And I chundered last week as well. Aaargh.

Inyoka said...

SCRAPBOOKING??? In the age of web2 and Flickr?

Scrapbooking is what my wife does! She can't hold her booze either.

;-)

fly said...

Scrapbooking....i've always found it quite a bizarre thing to do, and what do you scrapbook Pea's ??? I have a friend that just scrapbooks things her friends give her...and thats anything...wierd...but i digress... :o)

How big was the glass ???
....it was a double with a shot of lime and soda....my usual... ?!

Maybe its just that time of the year...that and I havent been out since NYE....maybe its time to change that.. :o)

Urk said...

vomiting without much alcoholic provocation could possibly be attributed to Panjabi MC. Many a mere mortal has spilled his/her guts after listneing to the incessant *noise*

Peas on Toast said...

Fida - sorry my love, the shoes and bag from lovely old Shoe City (stocks YDE shoes, but at half the price) and the bag Pink Parsley. :)

Insane - I'm insanely out of practice - who woulda thought eh? ;)

Kab - Good on you dollface! I'm glad I'm not the only chick out there having a cultured vomay! :) This goes for Jam too...:) You guys rock.

Jam - ...and you have a complete excuse to do this my darling. I just hope you're holding up generally. xx

Inyoka - Your wife is an awesome lady. :)

Fly - I am a hoarder, so I scrapbook photos with tickets, letters, pictures I draw (eeeek) and other paraphernalia I collect...;)

Urk - I'm blaming the whole episode on Punjabi. ;)

Inyoka said...

Peas....

I cannot dispute that!

;-)