Friday, February 02, 2007

Dear the Home & Away sound engineers

How is Australia today? Well that’s nice.
I’ll just get to the point. Small talk in emails probably contributes about 20% in total server blockage, so I’ll keep this short.

I love you guys. Without my daily dosage of H & A, I’d probably kick the bucket good and proper. Thing is, and here’s my little snitch – you know the opening segment of the show, where the imagery sets the scene for us: cut outs of all the characters doing stupid things like knocking the ice cream off each other’s ice cream cones, or the chicks jumping onto the boys surfboards, or Colleen watering her flowerpots with a big, stupid grin on her face? Then the gentle and serene blue hue in the background accompanied by the crescendo of waves? I like this. This is not of immediate concern to me. Today.

I started watching Home & Away when I was 14 years old whilst bored shitless during my Christmas holidays, but what caught me right from the beginning was the very-catchy tune you guys created for the show. The Bold & The Beautiful’s tune is not nearly as great, which is probably why I stopped watching it. (That and Brooke has no one else left to fuck have sex with, pardon me.)
The tune rounds off my shitty day at the office oh-so tenderly, with lyrics extending to:

Baby we belong together
You and I forever and ever
No matter where you are
You’re my shining star

Hold me in your arms
Don’t let me go
I want to stay forever
Closer each day….
Home & Away….

That sort of thing. Your lyricist possibly needs his/her head checked, because the words make no sense whatsoeverwith regards to a soap opera community living on the Australian coastline and screwing everybody, but the tune..! The tune! This is what kept me going back for more. Thereafter I was mesmerised by the sub-plots, and the rest is history.
So in a nutshell (no really): that TUNE is the best marketing ploy ever. Wooing your viewers in, I like it guys.
I mean, I even downloaded the song in its entirety off iMesh that one time.

So, why then have you gone and halved the tune?
Now you only get the usual montage of characters doing frivolous activities, with just a whimsical and solitary “Home and Away…” done by fret guitar – not the whole shebang with the guy singing!
This isn’t cool. Only at the end, when the credits are rolling do I get like, one, verse.

Please bring it back. If not for marketing purposes, for me. I am like your number one only fan. At least in my country.

Thanking you in advance, and considering it done by next week,

Peas On Toast

PS: Great job on the plotline of late by the way – the whole Amanda-stealing-her-daughter’s-boyfriend thing is unstoppable!


Crusoe said...

Who here has a gun? For the sake of all that is good and clever and inspiring, please can either Peas or her TV be put out of their misery!

Home & Away - WTF??? :)

Peas on Toast said...

Crusoe, Crusoe, CRusoe. Enlightnement is merely a switch and a channel shuffle away my friend.

Channel 84 at 7:00pm. Cos I know you wanna. ;)

kabintsimbi said...

Fing Aussies...bunch of wankers themselves really! How dare they cut the wankers!

Have you ever watched McLeod's Daughters? On the Hallmark channel (ignore the channel, it's shit) but MD has got to be the best programme ever created. On at half six every night, I think! And I know their tune too...they also cut it recently...wankers! What the hell for! Why?


Hey Peas, where is Smoking Legs?

Elle said...

Home & Away - WTF??? indeed!!! isn't that like Bold meets Days and somewhere in-between the Young and the Restless show up?

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - I heard about McLeod's Daughters - God I love Aussie trash! :) Will make a point of watching it.
Smoking Legs started a new job today.

Elle - yip, all that and a bag of chips! Just all with Ausiie accents. Magic!

Crusoe said...

Thanks - I will now make sure that I never make the mistake of flicking through channel 84 anytime even close to 7pm!

The closest thing to a soapie I will watch is OCC :)

Peas on Toast said...

The OC, pssht. So July 2006 Crusoe. :)
Laguna Beach, now you're talking. It's a reality OC. Also found on Channel 84.
Go TV, anyway you look, can't be mocked. ;)

PS: You said OCC, I assume you meant Orange County?

Revolving Credit said...


You see, this is the type of mind numbing addiction to utter rubbish that results from the lack on a decent(any) porn channel being broadcast within the country.

You're more likely to find me joining a quilting coven or partaking in the fine art of penis-tractor-pulling than attempting a daily audio visually rendered auto-lobotomy.

Just stick your head in the microwave for about 45 seconds to induce the same effects. That way you'll save about 1 hour each day.


Peas on Toast said...

That's where you're wrong Rev.
It's only half an hour.

kabintsimbi said...

You won't regret it...I promise! And check out how hot the guys are...I mean, what the hell I'm still doing here I don't know...cos damn! It's earth-shattering stuff!

Revolving Credit said...

OK, so just microwave at 800W for 20 seconds.
If unsure, just check the heating instructions on the back of your head.

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - I'm keen as mustard dollface. :)

Rev - I think I'd really just prefer to watch Home & Away, guy. ;)

Tamaryn said...

There's a trick I use, when I'm battling to fall asleep (being a slight insomniac) that involves Brooke and the Bold and the Beautiful, it's very simple, and usually works in approximately seven minutes.

It's like counting sheep, but with a slight, sick, incestual twist.

1. Count and name the number of people Brooke has slept with.
2. Link each person she's slept with up with various other characters they've slept with.
3. Count how many times there's been cross-relations, and climbing of each other's family trees.

It's way more effective than counting like a charm...

I haven't cottoned onto H&A, but will give it a try sometime...

Peas on Toast said...

Tamaryn you little gem! I love it, just reading that makes me want to go to bed. I'm having trouble sleeping at the moment anyway, so this is brilliant - thanks!

muddlepuddle said...

I just luff you.
You are just so funneee.
I think I could wax my own lyrical song to you (it might resemble something Phil Collins did way back) but it would go something like:

Oh my Peasypoo
When I'm down and blue
I just read up on you
*you're getting the tune I can tell*
Then I'm yellow instead of blue
When I'm reading up on you
*yup you got it everyone clap your hands*

Peas on Toast said...

Ah for me?? Muddle that is too sweet.
And I luff you right back. Perhaps even more. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Be Proudly South African. Watch Isidingo!!!

{Quick Ad break there}

Peas on Toast said...

But what about the Ozzies??I think they're super fair dunkum. :)

I tried Isidingo (my mum's a fan, and so if I'm there while she's watching, I'm forced to shut up and join in...)
but it just wasn't as good as Home & Astray.

Champagne Heathen said...

Yeah, I have to admit, no one really sleeps around too much on Isidingo. They try to make it too realistic so those characters don't get any either.

But now, during my trip to Lesotho this week I realise BASOTHO soaps are the shit! Lots of screaming & dramatic violin music and people killing their lover's son. ...I had a long wait in the Mashoeshoe airport.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - LOL!

ChewTheCud said...

soapies? excuse me while i vomit. australian TV? double vomit.
australian soapies? ok - i'm running out of vomit here.

storm said...

peas, you've been writting an aweful lot of letters lately? i'm just wondering if it's got something to do with your current emotional state? or maybe letters are the reason you've been so uhm..down?

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - You don't know what you missing out on, son. Chunder-free as well.

Storm - everything to do with the emotional state....sigh.

Revolving Credit said...

"Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive Proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space.
However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a Microwave in the building"

See, even Aussie scientist thought soap actors were aliens after microwaving their heads.

huniii said...

dear south africa
australia is doing fine, bit rainy.... ill spare you the weather coz no-one really cares.
Im glad your still a way behind us (as shown by the storyline you quoted) and ill be really nice and not give any plot spoilers (because noone can guess where a home and away plot is going, can they?)
This season return has been met with much discussionin Oz re the song. We now have a new guy singing. You will be pleased to know he sings it all.

you will not be pleased to hear him do it though.

it would be much more fun to listen to a cat having its tail repeatedly run over.

im sorry peas - it only gets worse from here...

storm said...

huniii!!! did you hafta tell her that!!!!!! couldn't you have lied? just for now and say the original song's coming back? the poor dude is already down and didn't hafta pour petrol all over her and set it alight:-(

Lollipop said... may very well be the only fan of Home & Away in S A but I know for a fact my older sister was a huge fan! Dont believe a word she says she knew every character, every plot and the theme song off by heart.

Peas on Toast said...

Hunii - oh no, must he be shot? I know people!

THanks guys. :) YOu've lightened up my day. xxx

huniii said...

Oh yes peas! please!

if not for the sake of us poor aussie residents, then for the sake of Home & Away viewers the world over!

Anonymous said...

your all fucking wankers i come from australia and to you i say
fuck your blog who cares about the tune, why watch the rest if you only want to hear the TUNE. Are u fucked in the head?

Good day to you sir.