Tuesday, February 13, 2007

hi my name is darryl, and this is my story.

Oh Jesus.
Are my father and I actually related?
I predict the milkman was a regular at the domicile à la conception.

He informed me today, in not so many words, that he has become Darryl Kerrigan from The Castle. The protagonist who likes to live in a house on the edge of an airport, because ‘there’s so much serenidy.’
When I was in Cape Town over the holidays, he threatened to buy a househut off the sandy, windswept airstrip where he flies his plane. And tried to sell me on the idea too.

Dad: Look, it even has a built-in kitchen.
Peas: Is that a fuselage hanging from the [dying] tree next to this house?
Dad: Course it is. This place has its charms, doesn’t it?
Peas: Do you know who Darryl Kerrigan is?
Dad: No, but if he lived next to his own aeroplane hanger, he was a wise man.
Peas: Why would you want to be here overnight? You’d be lonely, not to mention ostracised by the rest of society.
Dad: No way man. I’d step into my plane directly from the shower each morning.

[The wind rattles the rusty GPS pole attached whimsically to the club house roof…the air sock cracks in the sharp wind…and sand sprays up into my face….It’s a scene out of Bhagdad Café. Except without the café.]

Peas: Why can’t you be like a normal dad and buy timeshare in Knysna or the Wild Coast or…
Dad: Why would I want to live there?
Peas: I dunno…maybe cos it’s…nice?
Dad: I’d only live here on weekends. I’ll bring my girlfriend(s) here.
Peas: Good move. They’d LOVE this place.
Dad: Did I mention the kitchen?
Peas: I cannot believe this is happening. My favourite movie turning into a reality.
Dad: I’ll be a modern day Robert Redford!
Peas: Out of Africa, Dad, is set on an expansive estate at the foot of the Ngong Hills in Kenya, backed by an exquisite coffee farm and overhung by the mighty Rift Valley.
[pragmatic pause]

Peas: Please help me to help you to help me see why this would be a good investment.
Dad: I can see if anyone tries to steal my plane. Right from my bedroom window.
Peas: Because people steal planes.
Dad: Besides, Cyril needs a mate.
Peas: Who is Cyril please?
Dad: The old drunken guy that lives behind the club house.
Peas: Oh my God.

He phoned me with glee to say that he now the proud owner of the househut.
“I paid for this beauty cash! R35 000 only!”
R35 000. R35 000??
A wooden thing that comes with a free drunk guy. No garden and no fence. Just a fudging runway right before the front door.

My nightmare has turned into a reality.

I need to pace around the office for a moment.


Revolving Credit said...

Hmm..sounds like something you get when you merge an aerodrome and a trailerpark!

Was the drunken guypart of the deal??

Does he now own his very own dronkie and if so, will you be forced to take Cyril on the piss with you when you're in town.

Peas on Toast said...

I'm too traumatised to answer that right now.
It's like I'm living the movie.

I need to go cycle or something.

kabintsimbi said...

Oh sweet jesus...that sounds hilarious! I think if my dad flew planes, he would so want to be your dad's digsmate! Don't know what he would do with my mom, maybe the drunk dude could be her booze partner...she needs a new one!

On the plus side at least your dad sounds interesting!

Redlorry said...

Hey Peas Jus' make sure he stays away from Joustin' Sticks... :)

Favourite line from the movie "Tell 'im 'e's dreamin'"

Insano said...

HAHAAHHAHAAHHA. Peas, your dad is just too entertaining!
Bad idea? yes.
But you know what..give him a month in the place. He'll quickly sell it.

storm said...

at bloody last!!! dialup's such a beatch!!! errors and zero speed and all...oh sorry:-) hiya peas!! i'm writting to you from my cute little home town in the mountains:-) lots of fresh air, farm boys.....and the best part, it's safe to go ride your bike anytime anywhere here!!! plus you can go on walks etc without fearing a mugging...bliss:-) bet you're all jealous now!! only thing i don't like...no ADSL:-(

yep i say give your dad bout a month, and he'll be outa there...owning a drunk's no fun after the first week. then they turn into a drag:-)

Billy said...

Morning Peas.

Im with Pops on this one, the place sounds awesome. Being close to what you love!No traffic to deal with, except the odd single engine on approach.

Greg said...

Thats me! I live on a six lane highway within spitting distance of the airport in Sydney! If i owned a trolley i would walk home from the airport too.

godsgimp said...

Where can I get one. A drunk, I mean, Maybe not permenently, maybe you should be able to hire them for special events. Like those new fashionable 'eat like ya live in da ghetto' dinners. Or maybe you should be able to get them on pay-per-view..

kyknoord said...

Your dad has vision. Does he need a housemate?

Hot Pink Flush said...

In my newly optimistic mindspace, I'm going to put this out there. Maybe. Just maybe, fifteen years from now this turns into The Land To Own and the airport tries to buy it back for millions? Maybe Peas inherits and you're sitting on a gold mine?
I dunno.
Good luck with your pops, Peas.

godsgimp said...

Or maybe the drunk turns out to be a billionairre and gives his money to pops, and then you inherit..

Jam said...

Just think about how charming visits to your father will be in future. And how convenient.

Revolving Credit said...

Do you think that airport drunks/hobos use airport trolleys instead of shopping trolleys?

If that is the case, does that make them noveau tech dronkies??

Champagne Heathen said...

I reckon every house should come with a free drunk guy.

One house I stayed in at varsity came with not 1, but TWO drunken stoned bergies! They spent their time getting high in our bathroom, instead of apparently installing a shower. And they loved nothing more than a good digsparty, where they end up passing out centre stage. Good times.

godsgimp said...

Rev- Dude, the other day this bergie dude is at my window, palms open in the universally understood gesture, so i start searching my ashtray thing for change.. suddenly the tell tale nokia ringtone eminates from said bergie's pocket. At least he had the decency to look embarrassed and walk away..

ChewTheCud said...

Ah, your old man is living the dream!

And the drunk guy is the baggage handler. Come fly not-a-virgin-at-all-anymore airways ;P

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp - as opposed to giving him cash, next time just sms him some airtime.

Keep some cheap recharge vouchers in your car to tip the car guard????

Kevin Cadman said...

Haha, your dad sounds awesome.

Have you met any of his online dates yet? That would be interesting!

Daedalus said...

Out of date stereotyping perhaps?