Saturday, February 24, 2007

telling the difference

There are three types of women in this world. If you believe in stereotypes, then you’ll agree:
1) Nice girls
2) Not nice girls
And skank-whores.

People flippantly use the word ‘skank-whore’ to describe anything intrinsically connected to ‘sex’, ‘loose’ and nounage thereof.
However, one mustn’t undermine or disregard the term ‘skank-whore’ if one is to be taken seriously.

A skank-whore doesn’t study beauty therapy, a skank-whore, however inclined to stretch a single piece of cloth over her nethers, is actually one of the boys.

Man on the street doesn’t know this.

This is where everyone is genuinely surprised on finding out she’s actually given all the men within her proximity head.

Nice girls and not-so nice girls shouldn’t. find this threatening.
Skank-whores are easy to distinguish if one only has the relevant tools. Don’t be confused by distant and similar cousin, the skank-ho. This determinable species is far less manipulative, far less dangerous. In their natural habitat, they’ll be found in rayon and other unnatural fabrics, have had a humble edumacashun, and won’t hesitate to use their nails in combat, often with other skank-hos. They also don't need to be asked twice, and a plethora of head is at your mercy.

Nay, nay. Remember that there’s always a soupçon of challenge with the skank-whore when it comes to sexual favours. I say soupçon, it’s never completely out of the question.

Skank-whores are the one’s to be weary of, and they will make you weary. They’re smart and will use limited sexuality to get what they need through Machiavellian means.
Machiavelli’s philosophies surrounding his most popular transgression, The Prince, is easily recognised as one of the most self-pleasing immoral works of that time. He was a skank-whore himself, of course.

In a nutshell: he reckons the end justifies the means, one does whatever one needs to do for themselves, no matter the consequence. Do evil for the greater good. That’s skank-whore if I’ve ever read it.
I digress, The Prince should be renamed The Skank-Whore to accommodate recent times.

Some call him evil.

I’d disagree on the pretence of him being evil – for I have witnessed more evil things than Machiavelli myself – but in sum-up, skank-whores, unbenknownst to him, were the very thing he was writing about.

I know a couple of skank-whores. But, who cares? Believe it or not, that is not my point today.

The actual point is I have managed to use skank-whore and Machiavelli in one post. I even linked the two. Thanks Kyknoord for the challenge.
Could you send me a tequila now please?

44 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

Hurray for Skank-whore!

All the skank-whores in the house, raise your hands.

GoDsGiMp said...

And for your next trick..

The word malodorous and shagfest

GoDsGiMp said...

rev- you know those little tattoos on the small of chicks back..

..apologies to any who have them..

they called "skank stamps"

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp - Nothing quite like licking stamps, is there?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I can't say I'm a skank-whore. This year anyway.
;)

Godsgimp - I believe I should probably tag someone else, for fear of malodorous stench. Besides, all those involved in various shagfests should be able to come up with something quite witty. ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

Peas = Legend

On a side note, I feel I deserve congratulations this morning since I finally managed to get the f$%^%^ing 'comment' footer to work on my blog, after two weeks of trying to fix. If I could bend that far, I just might....

Rev- yeah always leave that taste on your tongue. I use a glass of water in which I dip my finger.

Kevin Cadman said...

Haha, you're another story Peas!

By the way, the link to Kyknoord's site is incorrect; you've got the 'wordpress' and 'kyknoord' parts mixed up.

But awesome; nice post :P

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgim - excellent! I tag you big guy. Malodorous and shagfest. Game on?

Kev - thanks my dear. I overslept this morning, worked way into the early hours last nigth and am buggered. Thank God The Ant woke me up. I'll fix it rightaway...

Antoine said...

*sigh*

Not even a challenge. You can use a Skank Whore anywhere and link a Shank Whore to anything.

Tut tut Rev - would have thought you could have come up with a harder one.

*wicked chuckle*

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - it was Kyk my dear. :)
Read his post though, I think the Machiavellian skank-whore vibe came from something he's just experienced - I can only guess.

Was fun though, and we can all do something more challenging like say...hmmm...turtlehead and tuna breath?

I tag you!

Third World Ant said...

Um, how about pornography and haiku?

You could write a lifetime of posts playing this game... see you later, skank-whore :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - somebody's done that already! (Check my blogroll).

Skank-whore yourself. ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

All right, challenge met kind of..

Garden clean up

forgottenmachine said...

If he doesn't send you a tequila, I will. Nicely done peas.

It's especially satisfying to see KN get one-upped........

Revolving Credit said...

OK, me next! Pick me, pick me!!

Peas, here's another one for you.

Peas on Toast said...

forgottenmachine - Bless Kykie. In the meantime he did a sterling job with 'Zena's Paradox' and 'Protologist' ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

Ahh heres a good one.

"Nicomachean" (as in nicomachean ethics) and "Bum funnel" (a beer funnel, but with bums, yuck!)

Urk said...

i assume you need tequila sent to you as you had to finish your last bottle to put that post toger. or absinthe?

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - ok any takers? I like it.

Urk - Nah, was uncharacteristically sober when I wrote that last night at midnight. A tequila would go down a treat though...

Insane Insomniac said...

You forgot about the tom-boy. The girl who is always mistaken for being one of the guys and has the sexual allure of a potatoe.

Skank whores are a dime a dozen.

Revolving Credit said...

I2 - So where do I deposit my dime?

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - Tom-boys can still be derived by either the Nice Girl or Not Nice Girl categories though. But whose counting? ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Which of the three gets ravished?!?! Cause then I'm becoming that one!

Meanwhile, dear Machiavelli's replacement is already being rivalled, in the form of dear George W Bush.

Johnny Quarterback said...

the difference between skank whores, nice girls and not so nice girls is really in the amount of dates you have to take them on before you get action.
skank whores - none and probably good head on meeting her for the first time
not so nice girls - 1 date
nice girls - 2 dates +...
nothing beats a fully qualified skank whore.

good post peas.

Champagne Heathen said...

Jonny Q - what about those girls who don't even require the 1st date?!?

Johnny Quarterback said...

CH, few and far between especially in jozi. I find women here want to be wined and dined before they put out (I guess there's nothing wrong with that but sometimes you just want to skip all the bullshit and get straight to the point). To be honest I think because joburg is such a small place it makes sense that you have to date a girl for a while to get the required action. REPUTATION is everything in this town.

maybe i'm just picking up the wrong girls.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - all the above gets ravished, but the skank whore does it to get something or manipulate somebody in the process.

Johnny Q - May I suggest the Manhattan Club mate? Your chances rise about 50% - wining and dining aside - to close the deal. On wining and dining, if you dig the girl that much you don't mind putting in the extra work, right? But if you just wanna get laid, head to Rivonia big guy.
Good luck!
x

Lollipop said...

your post has made me realise that my friend, whom we all called a skank whore, is in fact not one. I do not base this fact on the amount of sexual favours she handed out to Northmead, nay, Benoni, no, wait Gauteng,

but the fact that they got her no where and she really gained nothing except a reputation and an abortion.

hmmm...i guess she was just a plain ol' slut.

Johnny Quarterback said...

don't mind me. I'm just hungover and being cynical. I actually love the wining and dining. the chase is as fun as the catch. must try manhattens sometime though. I've heard so much about the place...

have you read The Prince? Machiavellian - gotta be up there as one of my 5 top english words.

Inyoka said...

Skank-whore... rolls nicely around the mouth and off the tongue.

Sounds just like my boss. My bank manager. My landlord, my mortgage lender... in fact just about everyone I come across in business (and especially owe money to), or higher up the corporate ladder than me.

I like all three types of women.

Skank-whore for mistress. The basic life view of a skank-whore will keep any affair alive, kicking and interesting. Nothing quite as challenging as keeping alive in a dangerous liaison. Remember that movie with she-of-the-no-knickers and the ice pick? (Shows where my attention was.)

Not nice lady - excellent secretary keeping unwanted visitors out.

Nice lady - wife, daughter, son's girlfriend.

Any points for using the words skank-whore and wife in the same post?

Peas on Toast said...

Lollipop - you would be right there my friend. If she was a skank-whore, she'd have a high paid job/have a husbank/nobody would've known about her extra-mural activities as such.

Johnny Q - I guarantee, there are a buncha women in that place that you WILL come right with - it's a matter of pick and choose dollface.

Inyoka - priorities, I like I like. Sadly skank-whores unless they want to get a husband, often prefer just giant wods of cash without the wedding band, if you catch my drift.

Champagne Heathen said...

Inyoka, wow, I never thought I'd hear that come out of you!
...and it has made me wonder if I know you?? Uuuuh, from a purely maybe once being your son's girlfriend/ your secretary sort of way.
...naa, just cause you said something just like a man I know.

kyknoord said...

Bravo! Encore! (or Ricoffee, at the very least). I'm sending the Tequila to Britney, though. She seems to need it more than you do.

Peas on Toast said...

Kykie - finally! Yay, the man of the moment arrives! *humbled hush.*

Fuck Britney. It's 3:00pm, my eyes are drooping, it's Friday afternoon - Cuervo Gold this way please! :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Pleeeease stop mentioning tequila! Man, it hasn't even been a week & I am in pain. ALL I have been wanting is a marguerita (sp?) cocktail come 5pm, but NOOOO! Dumb Lent!!

Peas on Toast said...

Sorry Champs.
The best alternative - vodka baby. And lots of it. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Tequila,Tequila,Tequila,Tequila...


Just a thought, now that Britney's been mentioned - based on the contents of this post, does that mean that Fed-Ex a failed skank-whore???

kyknoord said...

Okay, calm down! I'm pouring it into the fax machine right now. You should get it shortly.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks. That's more like it. :)

ThomG said...

Hey, you just described my soon-to-be ex-wife!

Inyoka said...

Champs...

If any, as my son's girlfriend (or perhaps my ex-wife??) as I know you are a really nice lady.

Koekie said...

I haven't been online for days (feels like months)... it has been raining for days (feels like months)... I log on for a few brief minutes and think, surely there's time for a quickie dose of mushypeas...

I wasn't disappointed. A truly brilliant, emotive and obscure post. Love it.

GoDsGiMp said...

cyber tequila headache!

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - sorry to hear it mate. :(

Koekie - hello babe! It's been forever! How is Den Haag? :) We miss you stacks in the blogosphere. xxx