Dad arrives, with my uncle in tow, today. He is in my city, ready to turn my life upside down for the next few days. So any peaceful reclusiveness spent under my duvet or at the bottom of a booze bottle, has been quashed. He flies in (in his metal fying micro-capsule) this afternoon.
His reasons for visiting jogged my memory to a conversation we had a year or two ago. This is directly within firing range of the chaos he is causing around himself today. He is on fire. The conversation we had a while back goes:
Dad: I have discovered the merits of internet dating. I can screen them first too. They have to send me pictures before I comply.
Peas: So just how many women are you dating at the moment Dad?
Peas: Right. And do they all know each other, or at the very least, about each other?
Dad: One is coming out from Germany next week to meet me.
Peas: Oh God Dad, is she staying with you? Do you realise she’ll never leave? It’s happened to one of my friends before.
Dad: Nah, she’ll have to. One lady friend of mine said she’s thinking of getting her hystorectomy reversed. So if she finds out about the German, I’m a dead man.
Peas: Perhaps tell Hystorectomy that you’re just friends?
Dad: Not possible. She’s coming out from London next week to show me.
Peas: You’re in shit street Dad. This is going to blow up, and it isn’t going to be pretty.
Dad: Peas, one has to date casually before one settles down.
Peas: You’re 53.
Dad: Yeah on that…do you think 30 is too young for me? There’s a nice one here from Durban.
Peas: It’s never stopped you before. Let’s try to forget how you’ve charfed my mates before.
Dad: True…maybe I’ll ring her up.
Peas: Maybe you should host a tea party and invite all of them together.
Dad: Jesus! No way.
Peas: I was joking. Dad.
Dad: Anyway, gotta run…I have a date at the coffee shop over the road in 5 minutes.
Peas: What you up to tonight?
Dad: Dates. Everywhere. Dates, dates, dates. Everywhere I look, there’s a date. Better start writing down who’s who in my diary.
Peas: Yeah, you wouldn’t want to fuck up with a ‘Hello Denise,’ when her name is actually Cheryl.
Dad: Shit, I think I’ve already done that.
In other news, I cheered up immensely yesterday after Smoking Dick took me suprise ice skating. ("Surprise!") No seriously. We've been going through a tough time lately, so it was nice to do something we enjoy together. It's important that we find common ground in our interests, and we've always enjoyed a good ice slicing together. It was a gas, especially since we had the whole rink to ourselves.