Wednesday, February 07, 2007

self-help queen

Was going through my books last night.

First half the bookshelf:
It’s Called a Break-Up Because It’s Broken
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
(“We’re from Vaynus, Kim. Oh yeh, well you’re talking from your aynus”)
What Men Want From Women And What Women Want In Return
Hot Love: How To Get It
He’s Just Not That Into You
How Not To Turn Into Your Parents
Kama Sutra For Dummies

Then I stopped.
Holy fuckballs. Can I be any more like Bridget fudging Jones? OK, book three belongs to E2, but it’s been sitting on my book shelf since, like, forever.

Can I actually own every single self-help relationship book out there? Fat good they’ve done in my past relationships. (Although I’m still wanting to get my paws onto Why Men Love Bitches at Exclusive this weekend.)

I got laid good and proper and fantastically last night. It’s been a while, and one can never underestimate the urgency and latent aggression veiled by Make Up Sex.
My walls were a-shakin’.
Smoking Dick goes to the States tomorrow.

I also had a House Dream. I have these recurringly, and each involves fitful sleep and out-loud crying in the middle of the night. I dream, infrequently, about my childhood house, and that I'm being torn away from it somehow. It's pretty traumatic. Last night people were coming to remove the old place, and I refused - like a hippie - to leave the building. Even though they were trying to bulldoze it.
I'm pretty stuck on my childhood it seems.

43 comments:

phillygirl said...

My first foray into Relationship Self-Help was "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". I got half way thru the book ... then the relationship was over and it didn't matter any more :( And it's all common-sense anyway ... pity one can't figure that out while in the particular situation and equally annoying how everyone else can at the same time, since they're not!

storm said...

maybe for some reason you feel as if your security is gonna be snatched away from you somehow???

i shudder at the thought of going through my bookcase...no selfhelp stuff though...just academics, shocking, i know:-(

Peas on Toast said...

Phillygirl - yip, sometimes a book splelling it out He's-JUST-NOT-THAT-INTO-YOU is what it takes. I guess I'm one of those. Had no I idea I'd collected so mnay over the years!

Storm - never fear, the second half of the book shelf is stuffed with 'Writing For South African media', 'On Writing Well,' 'Politics in SA', 'Writing For Radio & TV' , 'Psychology in Modern Age....'

Then I have a shelf just for my Bill Brysons. Now THOSE I treasure...

Third World Ant said...

Stay away from them damn self-help books! the name is a bit ironic, don't you think? 'self-help' should mean you help yourself, not you read someone else's ideas and apply them to your situation.

I say, gut instinct is your best bet.

As for the childhood dream, it may have been caused by the knowledge your father was sleeping under the same roof - as in your childhood days (the fact that he slept the night in pretoria is besides the point!)

storm said...

or maybe the fact that you are now completely aware of your dad's dating habbits disturbed you a little?

thanx peas, now i feel way better!!do have the SAICA's guide to starting your own practise crap too(i just remembered)....aint gonna happen in the near future, but i might as well start training my brain in the meantime right?

btw...what was wrong with your blog earlier? or was blogger having pms again?

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - I know dude - GOD, I'm actually too scared to phone him now and ask him how his night went. My uncle enjoyed the solitude I think. :)
I must say though, out of all those books, The Venus-Mars theory does make a lot of sense. It's applying it that's another story...

Storm - My blog has regular PMS I think. Much liek its owner. ;) Starting your own practice is big stuff - way more impressive than my Freud/Jung varsity textbooks!

storm said...

as i said.......very very far in the future! i bought it during a very optimistic stage in my life....besides, we're supposed to be boring people...freud sounds way more interesting at the moment:-)

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah I'd love to hear what he'd have to say about the house dream...
"You are stuck in a giant poen, and the bulldozers are penises trying to...depoen you."
Or something like that.

boldly benny said...

Self-help books are bizarre they lure me in under the guise of having all the answers - sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, sometimes they tell me what I already know but don't want to admit and sometimes they are filled with rational theory that isn't really what we want hear. Who the hell knows? I guess if you're reading them analytically (which I'm sure you are coz you're a super smart gal) and taking from them what you can and knowing not to take too much to heart you're okay.
I know it's irritating to hear but often talking is really the best solution. A gab with the gals really can soothe the soul and help you make sense of everything or help you realise that you're not a whiney girlfriend.
I was often reluctant to talk because I didn't want to be "that friend" that is always issue ridden but you know what - life's to short to go through all experiences ourselves, sometimes we have to learn off the experiences of others so this is where talking helps. PLUS if you're going through heartache or difficulty, your friends are there to help - as my one gorgeous friend pointed out "friends aren't only there for the good times".
I know recently, rationality went out the window for me and I convinced myself that my hopelessly devoted boy was cheating on me... WTF? I spoke to my sister and she just put things in perspective for me: she reminded me that I'm so used to chaos in my life that when there's no chaos I tend to create it because it's a zone I feel most comfortable with - I can do chaos, I cann't do calm. PLUS I overanalyse things - I have to keep reminding myself to just go with it.
From reading your blog, I can see you're going through a difficult space and I hope you find the answers and comfort you are looking for but I've learnt that the answers aren't always in a book.
Lotsa strength to you xB

Insane Insomniac said...

I avoid self help books like the plague. It just screams 'I'm insecure'. screw that.
My bookshelf reads something like bill bryson, terry pratchett, janet evanovich, joanna lindsay, and my text books. Along with a shitload of music related books.

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - "I'm so used to chaos in my life that when there's no chaos I tend to create it because it's a zone I feel most comfortable with - I can do chaos, I cann't do calm." That make SO much sense to me! You sure we're not long lost twins??
Yeah using books means that you're willing to put in the effort to understand, and I suppose balance this with mates and their trangressions.

Insane - I'm going to assume because the Venus-Mars book is an all-time bestseller, twice, thrice over, that there are at least 4 million women as 'insecure' as myself.

boldly benny said...

Separated at birth my friend! At least we know that we're not the only chaotic ones!

zuzula said...

'he's just not that into you' is my bible... what they say is so simple, but so true, dammit. And whenever I don't follow their advice I always end up getting hurt.

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - that makes you, me and my dad. We're...unique. :)

Zu - Oh yes, another one I've pored over. Even though a lot of it is not what one wants to hear, and it's pretty regimented, one can't argue that it does't make a fuckload of sense. x

storm said...

peas you guys are isolating yourselves waaaay too much.....everyone is partial to a little bit of chaos every now and again.

you like chaos i like pressure, i create my own cause i'm seriously ineffective without it...i become restless, and quite frankly a pain in the butt.

Urk said...

imagine the title of the book combining your self help books with the karma sutra book - "he's just not that into you...okay now he is....wait....mow he's out"

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - my life is CHAOTIC bru. Have you seen my jingle - "I cause my own chaos." I wasn't lying. It's a hectic pattern that I'm trying to learn from: it's way too stressful otherwise. But true, I think bits of chaos in the big picture makes things a little more exciting!

I agree about pressure - although I don't necessarily enjoy it. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Ukr - lol. "If He Doesn't Take You From Behind With One Leg Over Your Shoulder...He's Just Not That Into You."

:)

Urk said...

and try position 348 on page 87 - its called a break up because ITS broken

Champagne Heathen said...

Very Bridget Jones. In the novel, didn't she end up burning them? Even if she didn't, I think that you should.

2 people have given me self-help books before. I have not gotten past the 1st chapter of either.

If you disagree with my advice....want to buy some 'fascinating' books to add to your collection??!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - sure! Have you got any that I don't have? I'd love to buy yours to beef up my collection. Perhaps I should start a library! ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

The 1st was 'The Artist's Way'. I realised it was not for me when I read in the 1st few pages that I had to get up half an hour earlier than usual every morning.

The other was titled "Self" & started off about how it is difficult to be a middle aged woman these days....????

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,

First off... It has been a while since I popped in here to peak into Ertjie's life, but I notice that smokin legs got a new name LOL...

They say:
Women are from Earth, Men are from Earth - deal with it

Another view states:
MARS needs women

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,

First off... It has been a while since I popped in here to peak into Ertjie's life, but I notice that smokin legs got a new name LOL...

They say:
Women are from Earth, Men are from Earth - deal with it

Another view states:
MARS needs women

Daedalus said...

Phuckin double comment... ak
...feels like i have a web-stutter

Anonymous said...

hey Peas, how exactly did I picque your interest?

Chewies anon....

Jam said...

Funny that you posted this today since i've just completed reading the "It's called a Breakup...blah..blah.." book again.
This time it helped a little.

House in dream could be a representation of your internal house and psyche - or perhaps if it was your childhood home it represents that inner child. Perhaps you're not ready to leave it alone nor should you be.
(see, I can write self help books too. Hehehehe.)

Jam said...

I need some sleep apparently.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - er, thanks babe, perhaps we should burn them afterall :)

D-Guy - Why hello there! Yip if only Earth means that the Venusians and Martians could just both act like Earthlings!

Chewies Anon - well hey there! I saw yoru comments on his site, and you said you read my blog and that you know some of the people I saw at the 27 dinner. So I wondered where you fitted in...:)

Jam - brilliant babe - thank you! Perhaps I just want to be a kid again. Entirely possible. The break-up book is pretty good, read it from cover to cover! Hope it works for you too. xx

Daedalus said...

Ertjie, as with other blogs crapping on me for bad attendance ... I apologise profusely for my lack of voyeur of late - I plead ignorant

Peas on Toast said...

Not a problem at all D, thanks for popping in! I've also been a bit distracted and snowed over lately, soI completely understand.

Daedalus said...

Ertjie...
....then go look at my new Flash stuff on Ostendo you aloof you

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, see if you can get a copy of 'Self-Help for Dummies'.

Peas on Toast said...

D-guy - will do. :)

Rev - That's the one that started this whole mess. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Personall, I always thought that 'Self-Help for Dummies' was a blow-up doll instruction guide.

Kate said...

Definitely an "anxiety about change" dream. When I'm worried about a change in my life, I dream that I'm nine months pregnant and about to pop. This is not a broody dream, but a "everything is going to chage after this" dream!

Ta Da! Freud eat your heart out!

storm said...

rev - you mean it's not??????

Nick said...

You're probably having these dreams because you need to grow up (Delete probably from the previous sentence). It's amazing that a softcore blog about being perpetually drunk, with no photos, is so popular. Crazy world. Seems there is a huge market for witty text for the braindead, that it sells even if it is devoid of wisdom (which isn't the same as intelligence). But the same can be said of Soapies, and their pointless meandering, and unresolving of issues. Etc etc. But then isn't the name of the game (to be popular) to perpetually play the Maiden in Distress card/tune/ploy?

Little Girl said...

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/


only because he is the best ever. (and I thought you should know)

Peas on Toast said...

Nick the Dick - ah look, you couldn't help yourself could you?? You're back!

This coming from a man who nobody could stand down at the DCI, and rolled their eyes everytime you waked into a room?
And then came up with these supposedly (actually delete that from the sentence) 'brilliant' ideas which people sadly and largely ignored?
The man who spent 24 hours on the crapper?
The man who felt the need to write about me in explicit detail on fucking reporter.co.za, like you even know me?
People at large think you're a bloody idiot.

Sometimes I hate being me. Sure. But then I thank God I'm not you.

Anonymous said...

Nick van clutchplate or some other deep south, inbred sounding nature loving prat. Who died and gave you the moral high ground and the amazing ability to read people so badly and impose your own misguided and seemingly unitelligent drivel on others. A blog is a place for people to express a view of themselves, they do not seek judgement from small minded tossers, they do not seek retribution from people who think they own the moral high ground, it is simply a monologue, and believe it or not, the people that read these blogs like peas's, do so, because we can relate to them, even if its a small part thereof, it also offers someone an insight into how other people live their lives, allowing the reader to expand their own perceptions and give them the ability to better think before judging. So I strongly suggest that you wind your neck back into Bloem, and try find a friend,a real one, not an internet one you met while surfing for nature porn at 2 am, who gives a toss about you and your thoughts.

peas, sorry for the essay, but prats like him piss me off!

Chewies Anon.

Peas on Toast said...

Chewies Anon - thanks sweetie. For some reason Nick decided to impose a personal vendetta on me after I turned down an interview with him at Rhodes. But thanks for your words, they're so true. Blogging is an outlet for me, where I can feed off others ideas and where I can let off some steam.

I don't know why he hates me so much, but it's not important. I take it from whence it comes. ;)

Anonymous said...

No worries peas, I think your attitude towards this type of thing and your blog is 100% on the money and wouldnt change it one bit!

I suppose having put yourself in the public eye to a degree you have opened yourself up prats like before mentioned clutchplate, still it takes a 'special' person to abuse someones blog without knowing them at all.

Anyway, keep on keeping on!

Chewies anon