This should become a regular – like Chumps Boobs of the Week, except not.
Things dad has done this week:
1) Answered the phone as:
“Gloria, is that you? Gloria, I want to sweep you away to an exotic island and…Gloria this is you right?
Peas: No Dad. It’s me. Peas.
Dad: Oh. Shit. [phone goes dead.]
2) He’s recruited his best mate to also buy a bleedin’ house on the side of the airport where he flies his plane. So Darryl Kerrigan now has a friend. They’re neighbours, and are both taking their girlfriend(s) there for weekends. Holy fuck – he’s starting a compound. They get to share the drunk guy now.
3) We have a bet going. He’s also riding the Argus this weekend and says he will beat me, and if he does, I have to buy him a couch for his new place.
4) A couch?? How about a bread bin or a Jamie Oliver garlic peeler?
5) Phoned me in the middle of the night, as he does, to relay a line from As Good As It Gets, one of our favourite movies, as he does. My dad has often admitted wanting to be Melvin.
6) (“Go sell crazy some place else, we’re all stocked up here!”) How about a nice cup of Irony Dad?
7) On my uncle/his brother:
Dad: His attempt at the Argus, thus far, is him turning his bicycle over three weeks ago to fix a puncture.
Peas: Has he been training?
Dad: His bike has remained upside down for three weeks, Peas. Contrary to popular belief, punctures do not repair themselves, no.
After a bottle of Laborie last night, the Ant and I had a doondie dance-off in our living room.