Friday, March 09, 2007

there must be some mistake

Sony BMG hasn’t come back to me about using my lyrics for Ich Bin Ein Fuckin' Freulein.

The memo must be lost in the post, it’s the only plausible explanation. Couple up The Game and me, or G Unit and me, or even fucking Ne-Yo and me, somebody would’ve listened to my shit. If people can listen to Westlife, they can listen to this. It would’ve been ein sensationen.

I refuse to give up on my rap career. Did Eminem give up? In the face of Detroit -trailerpark adversity?
No.
No he didn’t.

OK, so the niche market for German Rap isn’t so niche.
My next try - and Sony BMG, are you listening – is the Latino Rap market.
I probably know 8 words in Spanish, but OK. Fine.

Mi amor, Sigñor Swayze™
By Tosta Con Pastoso Chicharo

Drop una beatato

Jorra,

Hasta la vista Patrick Swayze

Hasta mañana, bread boy, _
Il muchacho con la pan
Por favor bring me bread again
Bueno muchacho con la bread
Si buen

Bésame mucho
Come si fuere esta nochas, la ultima vez, la copa cobaña é ananas y Castanets
Those things make una fucking racket

¿Que?

Tengo miedo perderte, pederte otra vez
I wear a fez
¿but who cares?

Piensa que tal y breakfast in Barcelona vez mañana, drop it like its hot, yo ya estaré lejos I clean mi apartment con una Joover
Y la poeñana

Hasta mañana, bread boy, _
Amor
Bueno muchacho con la bread
Si buen
Por favor bring me bread mas
Again

Pomodoro sauce
Pomodoro sauce
Fajitas y quesadillas
Tortillas y burritos
Without il sauça pomodoro, it’s il pants.

Muy lejos de ti. Bésame mucho gazolina at Esso service stations
Baila morena
Inglese muchachas eat Spotted Dick
Española muchachas eat paëlla

Pederte dispués, mañana, my amigo lived in Salamanca and frequented muchos nochasclubs.

Hasta mañana, bread boy, _
Amor…..Amor Vittone
Bueno muchacho con la bread
Patrick fuckin’ Swayze
Por favor bring me bread mas
Again

Buenos dias, cuanto custo por dos bread?
Il gatzara á diumenge
Febrer I wear thongs sometimes.
Bésame mucho, mojitos
Més de one million dollars en premis il matador for the running of il tauro.
But don’t wear red

Gran concurs de disfresses fa anys fuck you - friggin’ yeah boom boom shake shake the room capello dos Jennifer Lopez
Que sa jorra mes amigos é la luna.
Bread boy
Il muchacho con dos bread
Sangria down the front of my poncho, Poncho.

[cue echo: ¿Que? ¿Your name is José? ¿Your name is José? ¿Your name is José?]

Do you avivo in San José? Porque that would be il coincidento.

Muchos apologitos. Your name es Juan.
And you aviva in puigçerda. Habla usted Española? Soy Inglese. Perigo dos minos.
Del mundo por lúgare.

Madrid is dos ciudade capital. You can smoke in the aeroporto terminal.

Cuom de la vella, Guan tan á mera
¿El vino pinto, si?

Hasta mañana, bread boy, _
Bueno muchacho con la bread
Muchacho con la pan
Amor
Por favor bring me dos bread mas
Again

Guapo

Fine.
Adios, il Spaniard, tu don’t bring mi bread, well fuck you.
Mucho grande quello di Guatemalan sinkhole.
Vamos. Vaaaaaaa-uhuh-mos, é vai.
¿Adios?
Dirty Dancing man
Muchos adios.
Y
It wasn’t all that fresh anyway.

Sony
Sony
BM to the G
Get your ass-ito togetherito
Prontimo
Y sign mi una record deal.

39 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, are you going through a bit of an identity crisis??

Ramone Allones said...

Qué el infierno, ¿está usted en las drogas?

¿Usted está usando la ropa interior hoy?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Nein...si...what was the question again?

Peas on Toast said...

Ramone - what is that about interiors and drugs? Have I been using drugs indoors? Or have I spent too much time indoors?

PS: Your spanish is muchos impressivo.

High in Dubai said...

Hey peas...

LMAO - where do you come up with this stuff! They betta get their hands on your stuff before you are forced to shop around and get into a bidding war!

There is a rap song that can now go with your future (entreprenuerial) plans... By Chamillionaire - "I'm a CEO, a self-employed CEO, Not a criminal". In true hip-hop form; take the beat do a remix and convert that song into Spanglish version and make a fortune, drop it like it's hot for your first single!

Peas on Toast said...

Dubai - you've got my back choina, thank you!
You wouldn't happen to know the words to 'I am a CEO' in Spanglish would you?

Mia espagnola is jorra. :)

High in Dubai said...

Mi Espagnola is non-existent...

The only language I'm learning in Dubs is Afrikaans... Somehow I don't think I'll get an international audience for...

Ek is a hoof bestuurder, 'n eie maatskappy, Ek is a hoof bestuurder... Nie a kriminele!

Peas on Toast said...

Dubai - it's crazy innit? You can learn more Afrikaans in Dubai and London than in, say, Matjiesfontein.

If it wasn't for C and some guy called Pedro Lima that my Dad got me chatting to, this rap would never have happened.
They speak espanola.

"I'd like to thank...."

High in Dubai said...

Yeah... I thought C's little trip to the land of all things Espanol had something to do with this treffer...

PS. Your rap is officially the song of the day on my blog.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah thanks Dubai! :)

IMPORTANTANTO NOTICE FOR EVERYONE:

Ostendo bought to my attention that when people vote - and hopefully when they vote for little old me - DON'T FORGET to paste the CONFIRMATION LINK into the tool bar from the email sent to you from the SA Blog Awards.
PASTE IT IN TOOL BAR! PASTE IT IN TOOL BAR!
Thanks!
Management

Betenoir said...

Peas, if they haven't recognised your genius by now, it's their loss. Honestly, those music industry types know nothing. just don't lose heart and sell out...you know, become all commercial... singing in, say, Russian, or Thai, or one of those commercial languages.

Hey, I could always write you a cod-japanese rap, called "atashi no manko sushi ja nai" (my "panty hamster" is not sushi)...

In any case, one day I foresee complaining that I preferred your underground stuff.

Peas on Toast said...

Betenoir - I love it! My panty hamster is not sushi in Japanese??- pure genius...
In fact, I wish I'd come up with it myself. :)

C said...

Tu es una chica un poco loco, pero pienso que tienes talento increible!!! Seré su encargado cualquier día!

High in Dubai said...

Wow C,

It seems you have not lost your touch...

Peas on Toast said...

C - [Beep Beep Beep] My inetrgalactic-translator tells me.....

Something about being a little crazy and something about...incredible talent...and have a nice day??

Such complimentos, thanks mia poco ananas!

other-duke said...

Damn bastardos... i can't believe they didn't sign you. The cheek!!

They better hurry up, I fear Flemish or Cantonese might be next..

Peas on Toast said...

OD - Hi guy!
I can't believe it either. It's crazy. It's nuts, they must all be high on ephedrine or something.

Flemish? Now there's an idea...

kyknoord said...

I'm thinking this may work as duet with Jennifer Grey. Maybe a few more "ooh baby"s, in that case.

Hot Pink Flush said...

Hey Peas!

I totally forgot I promised to email you my contact details of That Guy - just mailed you now... suggest you send him the links to these posts too... he has a wikkkid sense of humour, so he may just be up for recording your heeltemal tweetalig duet Spanish/afrikaans with Heinz or something... if he says no, just call me and I'll blackmail him, mmmkay?

XXX

Jam said...

Classic. Classic. Would you like me to take this with me to Spain?? Then again, I may get lynched.

Or we can get Daytripper to knock on some local doors for you...

Peas on Toast said...

Kyknoord - "Oh Sylvia?"
Yes Mickey?
"How do you call your lovermuchacho?" Come here, lovermuchacho.

Hot Pink - I fucking love you. No. I. Fucking. Love. You. I emailed him both my demos, and a link to my site.
I don't care if he thinks I'm poco grande loco. THis is my big break! :)

PS: I.Fucking. LOve. YOu.

Lollipop said...

and that, ladies and gentelmen, is how you crucify every Spanish word you know! (or dont know for that matter)

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I want you to sing this to your entire cabin on the way over ok?

You're flying Iberia right? You can get the air hostesses involved if you like.
xxx

Peas on Toast said...

Lollipop - crucify? Crucificcia?

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha ha! Gorgeous! And I quite like the idea of Jam trying to sing it to her Iberia cabin!

But Peas, maybe you need to start with the local market before going international. Proudly SA & all of that. A kwaito tune in Sotho perhaps!?! Or Xhosa, with clicks en alles!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Champers, but even though I am proudly Saffa, I think I'll stick to Euro languages.

DaveRich said...

Well Peas, you have done it again, boldly gone and pushed the boundaries of rap masterdom. With my basic Spanish knowledge I could understand exactly what you were saying. My tummy huuurts I 've been laughing so much. Coffee also dripping off the screen. Here are a few extras
"Tu madre manega una cambion" (Your mom is a truck driver)
"Culo" (Ass)
Keep up elFresco Flava.
(Pomodoro is Italian BTW)

Peas on Toast said...

DaveRich - oh man oh man oh man - classic! Your Mother Is A Truck Driver, ditto about the coffee on the screen.

Shit about the pomodoro. I knew I had these Latin words blurred at some point!

C said...

dude, its says I'll be your manager any day...

Peas on Toast said...

Grazia mi poco Poenana. Let's celebrate with overflowing tankards of sangria!

Don said...

I still prefer the German. I think you need to send it again, to show you're really serious about it!

;)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Don - I did. Hot Pink over hear gave me details for the Man At The BMG Top.
So I sent him the Spanish and the German one.

If he replies, it'll be priceless, no doubt. :)

Insane Insomniac said...

Can't read Spanish, but i'm guessing its about you and Swayze and crazy monkey sex??

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - Yip. About him bringing me bread everyday, which he eventually fails to do. Bastard. ;)

Hot Pink Flush said...

No, Peas babe? Ek is fokken lief vir jou! Jy rok, hoor?!

Aaaaanyway, I gave hom a heads-up and chatted with him over the links, he thinks you're High-sterical!

And we'll see what we can do. I also asked him to speak to da beeeegman about getting me a job as novelty act A&R, buuuut he wasn't so keen. (Er. Not that I think you're a novelty act or anything, ok?)

Oh, and I told him you can speak french as well, just in case they want the language of lurve.

(what say champs sings back up to your espanol track in french, ant sings in italian, jammie sings in xhosa and i just add a few doo wops? c'mon, you and your hot crew?)

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink Ich liebe You So muchos Much at the moment, I cannot tell you!

HOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAY!

Anything he wants, I'll do it. Except strip on YouTube.

voudouchilde said...

Peas ur a legend, i wona sign u; Ive got a bit of an underground thingie going on and me and u can get dead-presidents baby, all u gota do now is some PR we can organise some hit men to "shoot" u, and then sell platinum records aftawards. ru keen for some bullet proof clothing? shyte we can even open a clothing line. talk to me Peas.

Peas on Toast said...

Voudouchile - I'm talking to you! I'm so keen. Just say the word:)

Anonymous said...

Interesting, up until now, I always thought that these Bob Dylan lyrics
were pretty incredible:

'You hurt the ones that I love best, you covered up the truth with lies, some day you'll be in the ditch, flies buzzing around your eyes, blood on your saddle'

However, you've managed to win over my lyrical appreciation with your half spanish half english, half blah blah - hang on, that's three halves.... Frikkin awesome. What's with the new bread fixation? The Dove