Friday, March 30, 2007


I went to an engagement party last night.
The engagee was distressed as she’d had a spray tan put on, and they’d neglected to include her armpits in the spray. Every time she lifted her arms up, we were blinded by the whiteness of her alluring pits.

Coming in from Putneyfontein, London, I suppose one has to up one’s tan.
It was an old school girls vibe, where we all kinda of started freaking out over our ten year reunion that’s coming up.
Next year.
Oh my God, I’ve been out of school for nine years.
Now I don’t have a ring, or a permanent wiener that I go to bed with every night, to show off to my prospective classmates next year.

And thank fuck for that.
The more I realise it, the more I don’t want or need a man. Or his wiener, quite honestly.
Sure, maybe one day this will change. But right now, if it ain’t coming looking for me, then I certainly ain’t running after it.
Unless, it bumps into me with its mouth open, and upon so, looks me up and down, and breathes: "Why're just marvellous." And he's hot and clever and funny and cultured and tall and has big muscles and and and.

But this is the age – the time has come – when my classmates start shacking it up with ring and pre-nuptials. The twenty-firsts have come and gone, we’re moving onto the next level.
And again, I’m convinced I’ll be Mad Aunty Peas at these people’s baby showers.
Sans man.
Who quaffs wine like water and tries to seduce the help, once everyone has retired to bed with their husbands.

That said, I tried to seduce Peas yesterday, and I came right. Score.

It’s the blog awards tonight. There’s a whole lot of scud-missiling going on betwixt the blogosphere right now, so let’s hope the place doesn’t get nuked.
Nice excuse for a few toots and a bit of a razzle though.
I will not perve the geeks. It’s my policy to stay on my chair the whole night and retain some control.


kyknoord said...

An excellent approach. After all, husbands aren't exactly all they're cracked up to be - just ask my ex-wife. Ahahahahah that one always cracks me up! [serious expression]At least you're keeping your options open[/serious expression]

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas my dear... it's cool to be single for a while! And omg... you came right with Peas? I heard she's awesome... it must've been totally amazing!

On another note, I demand you and every other female reader check out this post and get cracking. It's your duty. Now GO!

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - and neither are girlfriends. :) Just ask my ex's...(very serious expression) x

Kevin - she's incredible :) Will check out your post!

I are wearing the jean pant said...

I are thinking that you should be wearing the jean pant today.

Peas on Toast said...

I are thinking that too, boetie :)

Hot Pink Flush said...

I'm in that zone too. Weddings, engagements, etc. Fun fun for everyone (except when it comes to the politics of whose invited and whose not, which it always does, eventually)

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - "Who invited that person?"
I'm over it before it's even begun :(

Revolving Credit said...

This post is yearning for a good rooting, but for once I will refrain from sodomising your turn of phrase and ask you a serious question: Is today not you lst day at work?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no rooting? Not possible, surely? ;)
Yip, but after picking up my stuff, I'm already at home rearranging my house in order to get my workspace organised...

Revolving Credit said...

So you're about to enter the great big world of self-emplyment?

Peas on Toast said...

Yip, luckily I have a co-partner alongside me :)

zuzula said...

i'm the same! She of the Handbag and I have been surrogate dates for each other on numerous occasions for ages ;)

what's going on in the blogosphere? did i miss something?

Revolving Credit said...

So you realise that this may be your last proper day of extreme blogging for a while?

As with the moving on from 21st's to weddings, times are changing, you're making a lifestyle change that will affect your blogging.

When self-employed, time really is money. No longer are you pissing away the bosses hour blogging because you just don't feel like working.

All the time you waste not doing actual productive work is inversly proportionate to the number of AA batteries you can afford for you Bushwhacker.

acidicice said...

'when my classmates start shacking it up with ring and pre-nuptials' - I'm doing WHAT?! Ok, so I'm not a classmate...but I never really though of it.

Kevin: LMFAO!

Hot Pink - *sigh* inevitably it does come down to the politics - ALWAYS

boldly benny said...

Hey Peas, I've accepted that I'm going to be mad single aunty Benny that plies the kids with sugar before sending them back to their parents! It doesn't seem all bad and hey being single means you don't have to share your wine if you don't want to!
Good luck for the awards xB

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - oh yes, I know it too well my love. Me and C - we do the same thing :)
Re the blogosphere, a lot of shite has been happening in light of the Saffa Blog Awards....

Rev - my co-partner knows I'll still be firmly entrenched in my blog, don't worry :)
But you're right - hard work ahead!

Acidicice - I know, I make it sound so...flippant. :)

Benny - thanks babe. Well I guess I'll be bumping into you at these familial places - we can dry the bar out together. :)

zuzula said...

wow - and i thought the blogosphere was such a genial place! Tut. Good luck tonight - hope you do well x

MorbidAngel said...

OMG, i just realised its my 10Yr School Reunion next year aswell. How old am I feeling today? Well, very! Showing off my Cleavage in support of National Cleavage Day and feeling old :/
Good Luck for tonight! I know my votes count, so Im holding thumbs for YOU.

Champagne Heathen said...

I say let them all get married. It'll free up more space at the bar counter.

Betenoir said...

man. I missed my 10-year reunion- if there was one. that was 2 years ago. I've not regretted it. Although lately I keep meeting up with people from High School and frick, but I've aged better than them! SWEET!

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - thanks dollface :)

morbidangel - thanks sweets, and my boobs are also appropriately clad in a wonderbra :)

Chmaps - lol!

betenoir - and so you should, gorgeous thing! :)

Daytripper said...

oh god!
Its my twenty year reunion next year! ACKKKKKK

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper - wow that's old school, I can like it! :)

Syllable said...

Peas, fortunately plans for our ten year reunion fell flat - not keen to admit that I'm the bedwarmer of THE die-hard bachelor by choice, slaving at two jobs, and living with the parents again for the past two years so as not to have to sleep in my car in a park. Oh crap, I just admitted it *blank stare*
There was a quasi-reunion last Thursday, but having to start work at 03:30 did give me an appropriate excuse to give that a miss.

Then. Congrats on the award - very well deserved, and you looked amazing.
Was an honour to meet you ;D

Hollywoodgal said...

CONGRATULATIONS on your win! I'm sad I couldn't be there and that no-one wanted to go on my behalf (none of my friends in SA are vaguely into blogging), but I watched the video and saw the pics from afar. You looked smashing and there is nothing wrong with shoulder bones, ya hear?!

acidicice said...

Many Congratulations on your SA Blog Award win! (again!)

HooX said...

Oi Peas.
Looks like a cracking night was had by all at the "Blog Do"
JoBlog has an awesome video of the night and you look GREAT!

Peas on Toast said...

Syllable, hoox, hollywood and acidice - thanks so much guys! Much apprecaited! :)