Thursday, March 29, 2007

somewhat fragile

So when a lot of stuff is happening in my life that warrants a certain amount of stress and anxiety, like a break-up say, and starting a business, say - I don't eat.

My body needs all the food it can possibly deal with right now, and despite smashing some of C's chicken farm pie in my face yesterday over a glass of wine and a little cry, I haven't eaten anything of substance for about two weeks. There were those lamb chops, sure, and that paw paw over the weekend, oh and mozzarella balls at the jeek dinner.
But these meals are few and far between.

When my stomach is churning with anxiety, my hunger function just turns itself off. I'm like a car that doesn't need petrol - I seem to run on adrenaline alone.

It worries me, and quite frankly losing one's appetite is very inconvenient.
For one, you lose weight. I don't want to lose anymore weight right now - the skinny jeans fit. When they start hanging off me, they're going to look ridiculous.
And two, I have shoulder bones now. It's gross.

I know I have to force myself to eat. It's really really really hard when I'm completely turned off food because there's so much going on in my head right now that's stressing me out.

So. Today I will make a concerted effort to go out and eat something huge and that's loaded with cheese and dripping in oil. Goal for today.

42 comments:

MorbidAngel said...

Peas, I can totally relate to what you going thru now. What you don't realise is that its doing more harm than good to your body! Like you said, force yourself to eat something....you'll feel sick thereafter, but in the long run, its the best thing for you. Trust me. Been There - Done That. Take care of yourself. Life's too precious to let starvation get the better of you! Much love! x x

Peas on Toast said...

Hi MAngel - thanks sweetie. You're right, that much I know - and you've been through it before. It's just a matter of sitting down and forcing myself to eat. I know its the best thing I can do for myself right now. :(

Louisa said...

Hey Peas,
Maybe you should try something less loaded when you teach yourself to eat under stress?
Chinese is my recommendation :-)

Hope you feel better soon!

Hot Pink Flush said...

I have the solution! Come eat with me. I am the ultimate Jewish mother and I will force food on your when I am hungry!.

No seriously, shame Peas. That's not fun, and rather stressful. The thing to do is to not eat on the run. Just make sure you're sitting down, calm yourself down with some soothing music, some candlelight and what you remember could be a favourite meal. Simulate a calming environment and then force yourself to eat and tryto enjoy it. You need to calm as much as you need the food.

Somali said...

Morning Peas,

Try to at least snack on a whole-wheat provita, or something that is small but boost allot of energy. Also try drinks like yogi sip. Its not allot but at least it’s a start and you won't go dizzy by mid day.

Lucky for you, you realize that you need to eat. And that you don’t need to / want to lose weight - Otherwise I would have said PLEASE go see a professional.

Good luck with all that’s going on!!!

Otherwise give me a call... I am always hungry and will hopefully rub some of the need to eat off against you.

Syllable said...

Have some cake to celebrate the new company. And if all else fails, try this:
http://blogs.24.com/ViewComments.aspx?mid=48f43f51-9359-4bda-9452-d8e4e48dfbb7&blogid=44f3df9b-9fdd-4d47-8115-521a97299c99
Hope things improve soon ;D

Peas on Toast said...

Louisa - chinese isn't a bad idea at all - in fact, I think I might. Worth a shot eh? ;)

Hot pink - :) Yip, I think I need to sit down, breathe and enjoy a meal at a table. That hasn't happened in a while. Today's the day!

Somali - yip - I definitely know I need to eat. Food is one of my biggest loves in life, and lets just say that its never been a problem for me. Yogi sips, now you talking! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks syllable :)

Sarah said...

Another tip is to invite yourself to friends to supper. Then there are people to distract you while you eat, and you feel too bad to leave without eating. Works a charm :)

Good luck Peas!

IrcMaidon said...

Know what you're going through, because I'm doing it to myself at the moment, even though I know it's stupid and I can afford to lose some fat currently.

Maybe next 27dinner I'll even get to meet you... if we both haven't faded into the background.

Peas on Toast said...

Sarah - that's not a bad idea at all!
I owe dinner to so many of my mates that have had me over, so maybe that's what I'll do - host a dinner party. Thanks Sarah!

IMaiden - let's hope we don't fade into nothing m'dear. :)
Catch you at the next jeekfest! ;)

Somali said...

I have to agree with Sarah,

I was invited to friends of my sister's. They are really good kooks, and I was delighted to be invited.

Until I discovered they were making sea food "potjie" I only eat fish!! And there was everything except fish in there!!

I left with a full stomach of lobster, mussels and prawns etc. I felt too bad mot to eat.

So yes it does help.

kyknoord said...

This will not do, chumeroo. You need to build up your strength to carry all those awards home tomorrow.

Revolving Credit said...

Find a random and have a shag or give the Bushwhacker a good workout (did you get the batteries I dropped off) or failing that go for a cycle.

Exercise makes you hungry!

Revolving Credit said...

Did someone say salmon and asparagus??

Peas on Toast said...

Somali - hhmmm, sea food potjie, now that sounds nice :)

Kyk - *blush*, oh stop now. We all know your guns are gonna take strain tomorrow night, what with picking up all the trophies. :0xx

Rev - I'm getting back on my bike today, and once I've smashed this Woolies meal in my face (that sits before me), I will hit it hard. :)

Crusoe said...

I think we should link your shareholding to your weight - the more weight you lose the less shareholding you get! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Oy! Now play fair! :)

I'm eating a cottage pie as we speak!

:)

zuzula said...

EAT!

i know what you mean hon, i'm the same. people always tell me how good i look when, ironically, i'm at my most miserable.

boldly benny said...

Hey Peas, my brother was friends with a really high rolling model and he once said to my brother about his days in New York, "I was depressed, I was empty and lonely but damn I looked hot!"
It's funny but true, I often lose my appetite when I'm stressed, depressed or horrendously happy - like when I'm in love, it's MAD!
However it's often short-lived because my flatmate makes the best food... last night we had ostrich steak with mushrooms, sweet peppers and caramlised onions with an arabiata sauce in wraps - what's not too love. If you like it basic, I'll make you roast chicken and spuds! I think if you listen to your body you might find something you want to eat - good luck and I'm excited to hear about your new business venture!

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - I know! People are ike, "you look great, even though we know about the shit you dealing with."
I feel like how I should look, quite frankly. ;)

Boldly - hello sweetheart
I love the shmodel story - he's got it right boy. :)
Your flatmate is a genius! Can I hire him? ;)

Insane Insomniac said...

smoothies. just live on smoothies for now.

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - smoothies are doable....:)

Champagne Heathen said...

Cocktails have fruit in. I'll take you out for happy hour, and make sure you finish everything in your glass!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - that's just the kind of diet I've been embarking on right now - can't be all that bad eh? ;)
I mean they do have fruit in them...

Champagne Heathen said...

But you need veggies too, so we'll have to go for Bloody Marys every once in awhile too!

acidicice said...

Eish Peas, I really wish I could relate...but I'm quite the opposite...I do the face smashing all the time, even more so if I'm stressed...which has resulted in well, ALL of me being on this planet :( I only remember once when I broke up with my current fiance that I didn't eat for 5 days straight and when I went to the doc to get some tranquilizers (I wasn't sleeping either) he told me maybe it's a good thing I'm not eating...how rude!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - smacked a chicken ceasar :)

Acidicice - but this is a good sign doll. When I'm happy, I can't stop eating. I think I'm the exact opposite of many women out there. Good for you babe!

Champagne Heathen said...

Now I'm hungry....

I are wearing the jean pant said...

I think the trick is to distract yourself while eating... I find watching something that intrigues me does the trick to get it down withut noticing. It's usually either the very strange oldish man in the apartment block across mine (who plays Queen at four in the morning, and never closes his curtains... Interesting the things people do when they think they are not being watched) or my video copy of my fave movie, Practical Magic (she is POSESSED by her ex boyfriend!! I feel better about my situation every time!)

acidicice said...

Uh Peas, this is not a good thing - now I'm fat! :( [I'll just pretend it wasn't ALWAYS this way]

Peas on Toast said...

I are wearing the jean pant - firstly, babe, I LOVE your name - hilarious!! :)
Distractions - let's see, maybe nude men in the shower? Yummy :)

Acidicice - nah, you're not fat!

Billy said...

Im not one to use myself but may i suggest a joint? Apparently the munchies can power through any no eating period with ease!

Good luck tommorow night Peas. Cant be there myself due to a wedding but i have no doubt there are some accolades on their way to you.

tBerry said...

“Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants”

If you're not getting enough food, then at least get the action!

acidicice said...

We'll see what tune you're singing when you meet me for my cocktail in CT! - nothing wrong with your eyes hey.

Good luck for tomorrow night!

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - I'm glad someone suggested the munchies are how to get them thereof, it's been in the back of my mind alllll day :)

tBerry - but I just got into my pa...oh wait. People can read this. :)

Acidicice - cocktails in Cape Town? I'm there! Thanks babe. x

ThomG said...

Peas, I'm with you babe, Since my wife traded me in for a "younger model," I've lost 32 pounds and now need to buy all new pants because they'll crumple to my ankles without my belt. As a dedicated hhiker/mountain biker/paddler, I need fuel; I finally started this week to eat right - like five times a day. Sometimes I hit it; other times, I fail miserably. Tell you what; if you promise to eat, I'll promise to eat.

Peas on Toast said...

Thom - you've got a deal. But I'm thinking you need to eat way more than I do, babe. Trading in for a younger model - what was she thinking?
xxx

other-duke said...

things can only get better. hang in there babe

Celia said...

This article is fantastic; the information you show us is very interesting and is really good written. It’s just great!! Do you want to know something more? Read it... Glass Bongs and Bong featuring Herbal Smoke, water bongs, bongs online head shop, Marijuana Alternative,glass water bongs, Hashish, Ganja, homemade bongs, Smokeshop, cannibis, legal smoking alternatives for herbal highs and aphrodisia. http://www.headshopinternational.com

Billy said...

Celia: Huh? WTF?
One mention of a joint and the cracks open up....

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - Thanks babe . :)

Billy - How did Celia get past the word verficator?