Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Dear dstTV

Disaster has struck. Crisis. Aneurysm. Not coping. Not. Freaking. Coping.
Nervous breakdown, nervous breakdown, nervous breakdown, hello???? There I was, after my first day of a new job, kicking off my frigging heels, wanting to post about something else, instead YOU WENT AND RUINED MY LIFE.

Dramatic? Well. Fine – what would YOU do in this scenario?

Turn on the TV – and now onto Channel 10, cos it's moved from Channel 84 – and it's 7:00pm. Ah, just in time for a relaxing, beautiful Australian soap fix.
Mindless piffle I live for. Even if you ignored my last letter about my concerns regarding the soap's soundtrack, I am still a loyal follower, this we know.
Home & Away. But it's not there. I wait for 7:04pm. It's still not there. I get a little heart beat going, as I fumble wildly through the dish magazine and check: the omnibus on Sunday was there, but at 7:00pm, everyday, you have a new programme running.

You. Have. Canned. Home. And. Away. I can't bear it, I just. Can't. Bear. This.
Firstly, I'm over Sudoku – it's boring now. WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO DO WITHOUT HOME & AWAY TELL ME THAT, HUH, WHAT THE HELL?
I might've been the one person in this country that watched it, but you could ALWAYS rely on my TV to be tuned in at that time – see that little dot over Illovo? That's me. ME. I enjoyed every moment of Kim and Rachel adopting their first baby – AND NOW? I WON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY SIGNED THE ADOPTION PAPERS!
My little family in Summer Bay, is gone, gone!
And you know the worst thing? No warning. Nothing. No “we'll be airing Fresh Prince of Bel-Air from now on” or “Home & Way will be moving to SABC2” - which would've been GREAT – nothing. It's been ripped from under my feet.

Now I know you don't particularly want to hear about my current state of mind right now, but I think it's worth mentioning. I am going through the void and re-programming of my brain to settle comfortably into single life, try not to miss the person who has gone, I've started a new job, I'm a little bit sad these days, and I am feeling the PRESSURE.
Home & Way relieved or distracted this pressure for a half an hour. All I cared about during that time was whether Jack and Martha were going to get back together, or if Morag finally nails Johnny Cooper for armed robbery, not my late tax returns or my angst. I just loved it - CAN YOU READ THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY FACE – this programme was my little escape from this cruel world!

I actually cannot write anymore, because this feels like the straw that has broken the broken camel's broken back.

Utterly flabbergasted and all other bad emotions,

Peas On Toast Esq. [I'm not a guy, but I don't know the feminine equivalent of esquire right at this traumatic moment].

PS: I devised a little eulogy speech for it, which you might want to publish in dish magazine. Maybe next to the new crap programme you've usurped H & A with. It also defines the severity of the situation:

I loved Home & Away
I fucking loved it
It was Australian
And when Emma's waters broke
I laughed when she said
“I think I just peed myself”
You've taken it off air
And I'm pulling out my hair
So there
I'm.....not...coping.... [cue echo]

44 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

New work pressure getting a bit too much for you already ....hee hee hee ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Dude, this is a very serious situation.

Lost-in-Jozi said...

Sorry to hear your soap has dissolved...
maybe you need to start a petition?

Billy said...

There is always Backstage! Fuck, now that is shit!


RIP H&A

Peas on Toast said...

Lost-in-Jozi - I'm certainly going to try. Thing is, um, I think I'm the only one who watches it. But maybe they'll empathise when they read my letter?

Billy - Backstage?? He he, bless!

Lost-in-Jozi said...

empathy -smempathy!

all that will work is a mass stayaway. Umm..ok . Maybe a one Pea stayaway is not gonna change minds. Sorree

Anonymous said...

You know, if you can't think of anything to write about, you don't HAVE to. You can take a day off.

Peas on Toast said...

Problem is, Anon, I have tons to write about. This crisis took priority.

kabintsimbi said...

Oh bugger...this is how I feel about McLeod's Daughters...what is it about these Aussie shows! fuckers!

Maybe go online & see if you can buy the whole series...I know you can with MC Daughters, surely you can with H&A?!?

That way, you can watch it over & over...always fun when you're a bit down. I know this 'cos I feel the same way at the mo! Fucking men!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - its not a bad idea, they have a website. Thing is it's a soap, so I' thinking if they do have their episodes somewhere, there'll be thousands of them :(

ChewTheCud said...

LOL! Oh Fiddlesticks! What are we to do? Home and Away is gone! Where are we to get our weekly dose of nasal aussie accent now? Peas might have to start watching Isidingo like a good little South African now...

Think all the chicks get is the title "Lady". We got all kinds of esquire - its good to be king ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - oh fiddlesticks indeed. I'm sooo frustrated.Yip, why don't women get esquiree or something?

ChewTheCud said...

I think you do get Dame. Try that on for size.

Anonymous said...

I think we should start a 'I have a crush on Peas' support group!! Just saying...

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - Dame. Like Dame Judi Dench. I like it, the pomposity of it :)

Anon - oooh! Now you talking, that'll definitely help! :)

kabintsimbi said...

thousands...all the more better! Doesn't that make your bum hum? It would mine...why don't you look at buying the series that you're on & the ones that follow. That way, at least you won't be missing out. Then as you get richer by the day you can order all the old series.

ChewTheCud said...

Anon - How about meetings outside Pea's flat on Thursday nights? There by the tree with the good view through her window?

Kab - another pic up for ya. You just missed todays post.

Hot Pink Flush said...

Don't worry Peas honey. We'll get the higher ups onto it. Surely they can't know how much it means to you.
We'll fix it.

Peas on Toast said...

Update: HOT PINK FLUSH IS THE BIGGEST LEGEND ON EARTH. She has informed me that Home & Away is now screened at 16:30 weekdays now. ALL IS NOT LOST! IT HASN'T DISAPPEARED!
I love you HPF. So much right now.


Chews - how do you know about my windows/trees boetie? ;)

Johnny Quarterback said...

Time to invest in a PVR Peas if you don't already have one and start recording those episodes...

Anonymous said...

Chew- sounds a little more creepy than I had in mind but heck, Thursday nights are good for me!

ChewTheCud said...

um... It musta come up in conversations somewhere... Thats right... um.. I was talking to... A Guy - and he said guess which tree is the best to scope out Peas from... And I said "Dude find yourself another branch - You're blocking my view"... Ooops! Forget everything! I know nothing! You can't prove anything!

Peas on Toast said...

Johnny Q - yip, new time slot might warrant this! :)

Chew - ha ha ha :)

I'll be looking out for you and, an anonymous person, very vigilantly from now on :)

kabintsimbi said...

chew: huh? totally slow on the pickup here...what post are you on about?

sorry peas...don't mean to steal your space...

KaB

muddlepuddle said...

Hmmm...kind of how I feel about Greys... Just cant understand why they're making us wait till june for series 3...I mean the momentum gained by the time 2 ended... It's tragic...But yet they don't care...these darned mnet people.. They're not worried about the little man who pays his subscription every month on time...
No..screw us..

Billy said...

When do we get info on your new job or did i miss something?

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - no worries ever babe :)

Muddle - Greys, I totally agree. That show grills my burgers like nothing else....sigh.

Billy - nope haven't mentioned much yet - still in development phase, but am working like a demon :)

zuzula said...

wow, i haven't seen home & away in about 10 years. Morag is still in it? wasn't she the evil alcoholic mother of someone who suddenly redeemed herself?

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - no you're thinking of Irene. She's still around, redeeming herself by taking on multiple sets of oster children :)
Morag is Alf's sister, the snotty lawyer :)

acidicice said...

I feel EXACTLY the same way about Open Time being discontinued...FUCK YOU ICASA!!! I <3 Egoli...I've been watching it since the first episode EVER and now, now it's ripped out of my hands just before my favourite character is set to tie the knot (with me not far behind)...HOW COULD THEY? I actually met Chanel De Jager (who plays Des) and was OVERJOYED when she returned to our screens...I've been waiting with baited breath for this "wedding" and to see if it will actually happen...and NOW? Now I'll have to check if she's on the cover of YOU & HUISGENOOT anytime soon.... *SAD FACE*

zuzula said...

ah yes, Irene, that's the one. Is it also true that when Ailsa died they bought her back as a ghost? Classic. My fave tv soap of all time is Sunset Beach. The most brilliantly rubbish programme ever made. They used to have an omnibus on Saturday afternoons on Channel Five, it went on for about five hours. Me and my flatmate used to watch the whole thing in our pyjamas, with a packet of fags and a box of chocolates to keep us going. happy days!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Acidic - hectic. My old colleague is equally distraught about egoli. You going to get Mnet?

Zu - oh yes, can completely relate! Those Sunday omnibuses rock! :)
PS: Seen one or two episodes of Sunset, but it doesn't run here anymore.

acidicice said...

I guess I'm forced to get MNET now. I think it costs about R250 *pout* but I'm going to have to wait till after the wedding to subscriber (saving every cent now) and by that time I would have missed the wedding of the year :(

I didn't want to get MNET at first, I though cutting off open time was a ploy to get more people to subscribe to MNET and I didn't want to give into them...but then I read that it was a decision by ICASA and I feel better about it.

ANYBODY OUT THERE THAT CAN TAPE IT FOR ME?!?!

Maxine said...

ahh babe I was panicing for you for a sec...I know all to well about little ditractions. Was preparing to start sending you VHS recordings from Londres(Do not know where to find VHS tapes but for your addiction I would have search high and low)

Your Home and Away Dealer
x

Maxine said...

opps I thought you said it was back on at 4:30? Did i miss something?

Do I need to start finding VHS suppliers?

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Maxine - thanks so much my friend!

Luckily its on at 4:30 I hear...let's hope eh? ;)

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,
You meant DSTV? :P

Peas on Toast said...

D-Guy - oh that DSTV :)

Oy, what happened to at blog awards - what no goodbye?? ;)

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,
erm ... Dev, Champs and I were there to the end (2am) ... now who did not say goodbuy hmmmm...?

Peas on Toast said...

D-Gu - oh go on! When I left the establishment (hmm midnight? who knows), the place was practically deserted! 'Fess up! :)

Daedalus said...

Ertjie, We did not move from our original spot ... ;-) till about 2am ... ask Champs if I sound untrustworthy.

Billy said...

Peas pulled a Puerto Rican!!!!!

Coral said...

DSTV has done the same thing with my EastEnders - I am fed up, I can watch it over the weekend - at most inconvieninet times, or not at all! The only program I watch regularly!!

Peas on Toast said...

D-Guy - even if Champs is your alibi, I don't believe you for a second. :)

Billy - ha ha ha seriously? ;)

Coral - I just love the music in Eastenders, you know with the aerial view of the Thames....