Thursday, May 31, 2007

am I bovvered though?

Caught a cheap as chips connecting flight to Heathrow yesterday.
Was getting sick of vasectomy music and the livestock fannying about willy-nilly in the streets.
Shit on a shingle.
Those camels.
Camels are but demanding in Istanbul.
They kept trying to take a bite out of my bottom every time I turn around.

Hooked up with a sheik and after a gargantuan breakfast of poppadums and cucumber raiter, while watching a scintillating rerun ofTurkey Alive, I thought it best to get the fastest fucking camel out of there.

Once in London, I hijacked a car and flew down the M5 at a rate of knots.
Seems Gay Londres was waiting for my arrival. They even welcomed me in with this dashing little sign:

All this tubing around the city and dodging feisty chavs is getting rather exhausting.
So, today I head via overland train to the exquisite location of Shepton Mallet.
To find inner peace, because I'll be fucked if I'm going to feel like a dead man's scrotum forever.
Will sit in a poob and justify why I completely lost my rag last Friday night. I don't lose my temper often, but when I do, it's a wrath most foul. And in hindsight, it was completely 100%, without a question, justified.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
I'll contemplate all this over a plate of spotted dick and a tumbler of frothing cranberry juice.

A shout out to Phil for the picture.

Although my brain is on vacation, my body still sits in this here shithole. By the way. I shall be back in action in the Burg of Johannes by the weekend.

PS: I'm getting my groove back, even shaved the old legs and creamed them up. This is big. In Turkey, they like their women hairy.

PPS: On chatting to my mate Doc: I'm loving being single. I've found myself to be most confident about myself when I'm guy-free. I'm destined to be a happy spinster! This is frightfully good news!
Say it isn't so.


kyknoord said...

Shepton Mallet? That's near Chipping Sodbury, isn't it?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Nah. It's a stone's throw from Little Puking, actually.

Anonymous said...

Um. Is this Laurian, by any chance?

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - is this Anonymous by any chance? With the faceless face?

laurian said...

No. I'm over here.

Anonymous said...

That can only be Laurian! Hi babe! Good to see you! Don't be a stranger...


laurian said...

Who the fuck are you?
Did I snog you once?

8Ball said...

Morning Peas

Still being very evasive about what happened on going to tell us, or is patience really a virtue?

Peas on Toast said...

Yo 8ball.

Well, in turth, no. Mainly because it's not that interesting anyway.

And I may blow a fuse again.

8Ball said...

Okay dude, fair enough.

Been on the receiving end of a few tirades myself lately, some warranted, most thought I could provide some perspective.

Guess I'm old-school in some ways - just hate seeing girls cry..

Enjoy your trip back :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks 8Ball.

Bless your heart. Whatever you're going through, I also wish you the best of luck.

Yeah, I also hate crying. :(

I are wearing the jean pant said...

I bought a jean pant in Shepton Mallet once...Beautiful snug fit.

Peas on Toast said...

Jeanpant - well, if the jeans are better looking than the tweed here, sign me up.

Tweed is twee, but this place is taking it to a new level.

hot pink flush said...

is the moon in a funny phase or something? ppl losing their rags all over the show, me included...

wish i could blog about it, but alas, i can't, for fear of retribution...

sounds like you're having a lovely vay-kay peas honey...hurry home to us all..


ChewTheCud said...

Don't forget to pick up some Burberry while you're there. Get the full chav uniform ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - it must be the moon doll. Lots of people seem to be in latent-anger hibernation this week.
Let's hope the weekend is a little more...festive than this week, eh?

Chews - Burberry baby, I fink I need to get meself some of vat.

Heddles said...

Have a spam kebab at the cornershop in Earlsfield. Chavs and that place ... moths to a flame

Peas on Toast said...

Heddles - it sounds fucking scrumptious.

Da Mario said...

It isn't so.

Peas on Toast said...

Da Mario - but if even if it isn't so, it's ok. :)