Was getting sick of vasectomy music and the livestock fannying about willy-nilly in the streets.
Shit on a shingle.
Those camels.
Camels are but demanding in Istanbul.
They kept trying to take a bite out of my bottom every time I turn around.
Hooked up with a sheik and after a gargantuan breakfast of poppadums and cucumber raiter, while watching a scintillating rerun ofTurkey Alive, I thought it best to get the fastest fucking camel out of there.
Once in London, I hijacked a car and flew down the M5 at a rate of knots.
Seems Gay Londres was waiting for my arrival. They even welcomed me in with this dashing little sign:
All this tubing around the city and dodging feisty chavs is getting rather exhausting.
So, today I head via overland train to the exquisite location of Shepton Mallet.
To find inner peace, because I'll be fucked if I'm going to feel like a dead man's scrotum forever.
Will sit in a poob and justify why I completely lost my rag last Friday night. I don't lose my temper often, but when I do, it's a wrath most foul. And in hindsight, it was completely 100%, without a question, justified.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
I'll contemplate all this over a plate of spotted dick and a tumbler of frothing cranberry juice.
A shout out to Phil for the picture.
Although my brain is on vacation, my body still sits in this here shithole. By the way. I shall be back in action in the Burg of Johannes by the weekend.
PS: I'm getting my groove back, even shaved the old legs and creamed them up. This is big. In Turkey, they like their women hairy.
PPS: On chatting to my mate Doc: I'm loving being single. I've found myself to be most confident about myself when I'm guy-free. I'm destined to be a happy spinster! This is frightfully good news!
Say it isn't so.
20 comments:
Shepton Mallet? That's near Chipping Sodbury, isn't it?
Kyk - Nah. It's a stone's throw from Little Puking, actually.
Um. Is this Laurian, by any chance?
Anon - is this Anonymous by any chance? With the faceless face?
No. I'm over here.
That can only be Laurian! Hi babe! Good to see you! Don't be a stranger...
Mel
Who the fuck are you?
Did I snog you once?
Morning Peas
Still being very evasive about what happened on Friday...you going to tell us, or is patience really a virtue?
Yo 8ball.
Well, in turth, no. Mainly because it's not that interesting anyway.
And I may blow a fuse again.
:)
Okay dude, fair enough.
Been on the receiving end of a few tirades myself lately, some warranted, most not...so thought I could provide some perspective.
Guess I'm old-school in some ways - just hate seeing girls cry..
Enjoy your trip back :)
Thanks 8Ball.
Bless your heart. Whatever you're going through, I also wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, I also hate crying. :(
I bought a jean pant in Shepton Mallet once...Beautiful snug fit.
Jeanpant - well, if the jeans are better looking than the tweed here, sign me up.
Tweed is twee, but this place is taking it to a new level.
is the moon in a funny phase or something? ppl losing their rags all over the show, me included...
wish i could blog about it, but alas, i can't, for fear of retribution...
sounds like you're having a lovely vay-kay peas honey...hurry home to us all..
x
Don't forget to pick up some Burberry while you're there. Get the full chav uniform ;)
Hot Pink - it must be the moon doll. Lots of people seem to be in latent-anger hibernation this week.
Let's hope the weekend is a little more...festive than this week, eh?
Chews - Burberry baby, I fink I need to get meself some of vat.
Have a spam kebab at the cornershop in Earlsfield. Chavs and that place ... moths to a flame
Heddles - it sounds fucking scrumptious.
It isn't so.
Da Mario - but if even if it isn't so, it's ok. :)
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