Tuesday, June 05, 2007


I was thinking about love last night.
I do this. I'm a hopeless, insufferable romantic. Even if I'm a cynical bitch that realistically believes it only happens to other people.

It's one thing falling in love with somebody. You smile at the boss, you count the hours until you see that person again.
You annoy the crap out of everybody else.

If love isn't returned, you're one lonely little chicken. And feel a bit shit about yourself.
In fact, you feel lonelier than if you were single.
Have Brad turn to Angelina and say: “You know Ange, this may hurt, but I don't love you dear. Hope that's alright.” She would think she's a fat, ugly, boring, stupid fuckwit. At least for a while.

What is love? (Baby don't hurt me... That Haddaway. What a guy.) Fundamentally, it's respect. You know their faults, and yet you fucking love these faults. Sometimes more than their strengths. They have an unsightly hangnail? You think it's beautiful. They spit when they talk? You love getting a free shower. They eat with their mouths open? You think it's adorable.
That's love chinas.
Love is imagining yourself with that person for eternity. It's aching when they're away. It's waiting for their call. It's tending to them when they're sick. It's trusting that person with your life. It's vulnerability. And compromise.
It can be a headache.

Mutual love?
Man. For suckers like me, it's just but the most incredible feeling on the planet. It's really higher than the highest high. Completely and retardedly intoxicated, I'm sure the old IQ drops a few notches. Floating around in this impertinent little bubble of complete and utter adoration, because you know that that person feels exactly the same way as you. Even if you're only banging once a week, and the hormones have ceased to affect your blinkers. You think he's the shit, and he thinks you're incredible.

I'm sad that this possibly may never happen to me again. But I suppose, it also means I won't hurt again, which is one helluva comforting relief. Love and hate merge, they do. It's a fine line. And love has so many dimensions; it can evolve, and die and grow at the same time.
Fuck, it's so complex, it's almost quite simple.

I've had people love me and me not love them back. I'm not the only victim here. Not for a second.
I just hope I'm not too fucked up to give someone my all again one day - if I feel the urge to actually ever embark on a relationship again.

Actions and words are equally as important. If a guy can't tell me he loves me, I'm not sure if his actions are worth it. If he tells me he loves me, but his actions say otherwise, it won't work either. Both are important, why? Because one can't work without the other.
And maybe I'll never meet He Whom Bequeaths Me With It. And maybe my repeated brush with this toxic, volatile emotion is over.

But I will not compromise love in a relationship. I can do late nights at work. I can pay for my meals at restaurants. I can pick up his broken body from a gutter and wipe away his puke after a night out with his mates at 3:00am. I can go on the run with him under Witness Protection. I can wipe the dribble from his chin when he's old and ensconced in a wheelchair.
Hell, I will even handle it if he wears a pair of Crocs. (Although this is really pushing it.) But love isn't something I'll compromise.

Since The formidable Ant is in a relationship, I asked her what she thought about the whole deal.
In her words, Love is:

Looking forward to arguments so you can have make-up sex.
Dumb inside jokes, or one liners only the two of you get.
Thinking that their beer belly is cute even if it's revolting on anyone else.
Love is fighting over whose house party you'll go to – his mates, or yours.
Love is perfecting your kissing technique for him.
Love is flaring up at their Facebook profiles when you see their ex's listed as their mates.
Love is giving them a massage after a shit day even when you're exhausted.


OK, enough. This soppy love shit is weak.


boldly benny said...

Hey Peas... some divine descriptions of love here. You're right - mutual love is possibly the most incredible, wonderful and amazing thing. To see him looking at you that certain way, to feel his eyes follow you out of room, his smiles the minute he sees you, random SMSs... it really is the most fantastic feeling.
It also made me sad having come out of a situation where I loved but wasn't loved in return and weirdly his actions showed me he didn't love me. It's definitely made me guarded and, like you, sad that I might not ever experience love again.
If we can celebrate other people's found love, then perhaps we can find it ourselves xB

I are wearing the jean pant said...

Love is sharing a jean pant...

Revolving Credit said...

So love gives you a migrain and makes you stupid...noice!

So love isdrinking lots of tequila!

ChewTheCud said...

You're being very narrow minded today Peas. You repeatedly refer to your hypothetical love as "he". You got no room in your heart for the ladies? You're a sexist! ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Hello my little Boldly - man it's nice. Maybe we're just junkie love suckers.
And hopefully get to be bridesmaids at our mate's weddings. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Jean pant - oh bless your little heart!

Rev - basically, yes. It's easier drinking tequila I think.

Chew - Man, I'm so narrow minded and conservative. :)

Da Mario said...

This is just about the best post I've read in a very long time anywhere.

Just one thing... a TRUE romantic can never be cynical. Doesn't matter how realistic you are. I've walked down that same path Peas, yet I refuse to become cynical about love or even about perhaps meeting someone utterly and completely amazing. It WILL happen...

Anonymous said...

Hey Queen pea :)

Been a while, so what’s the story last I read you were given perfume and avoiding the loo:) Now you questioning love?

So here is a question I have been wondering. How long do you wait to tell the men in your life that you are peas? Do they get cross that you talk about them? XXX

kyknoord said...

I agree with Ant on the "...dumb inside jokes, or one liners only the two of you get..." part.

Anonymous said...


I enjoy your blogs there really interesting...
so when do you know like has turned to love.
you can get a lot of those things and feelings when liking someone.so then is that in actual fact love...

Peas on Toast said...

Da Mario - thanks my dear. Yeah, even though I'm a bit of a cynic these days (and for good reason I declare!), deep down I hope that it happens to me again one day...

Anon - phew, that was a while back, the loo and perfume. All the men in my life know about my blog, and most have been great about it and understood. It's just a matter of not revealing anything that would be too detrimental to them.

Kyk - yeah. Now I just share jokes with myself. :)

Anon - again, it's hard to tell. I think it's when you...just know. You look at things differently in the morning. It's always just snuck up on me.

Third World Ant said...

1 - me, formidable? I'm a lowly ant, for crying out loud!

2 - love will be found, it's just in your future, not your present. you're just far too fun-loving, humorous, intelligent, outgoing (and as rumour has it, a damn good lay too) not to find it. and too much of an earnest, genuine person to succumb to marrying someone for convenience, might i add..

3 - i find you impertinent. how very dare you!

Peas on Toast said...

Ant -
1) formidably humble, actually.

2) God you're a nice roommate. You almost make me sound alright! :)

3) What are you insssinuating? How dare you. How. Very. Dare. You.


storm said...

Peas on love....very interesting:-) i agree, being in love and being loved in return is by far the most exhilirating(sorry spelling sucks) feeling ever! funny how when you're in love you just don't give a shit about anything or anyone except the person you're in love with......awe peasy, don't worry, you'll find it again...guarenteed!

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - oh yes. The world may explode, or aliens descend on your house, or god forbid you get thrown in the slammer for outstanding traffic fines. And yet, you're still smiling. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Well Peas, as Chewy put it, if you weren't so narrow-minded, you could find love in the slammer.

I can just picture it 'Peas, myself & Irene'

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - ...and the setting is set for us die-hard romantics...love is all around...me and my cell-mate called George....
man, it's a picture. :)

Revolving Credit said...

There's no escaping it!

hot pink flush said...

jeez, thanks Peas.
Cue another flood of tears on Hot Pink!

And to quote another crap song...
sometimes love just ain't enough...waaaaaaahhhhh

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - I'm so sorry to hear about your new status my friend. Man it hurts - God it can all hurt so much. Purely for selfish reasons, I happen to love it that you're single. :)
Now. You need to step away from the Alison Moyet and Lionel Richie.

Nirvana is what you're gonna wanna listen to for the moment. Worked a charm for me.
Chin up and hugs my sweet.

Betenoir said...

at the moment I'm so jaded and cynicl I'd choose a lifetime supply of Marc Jacobs (clothes, shoes and accessories)over love.

Not that that's going to happen. And that makes me sad.

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - You need to improvise. Like I. I choose Jaegermeister and shirts from Big Blue.

Chantelle said...

Hey Peas!

I saw your Blog mentioned in Cosmo - have to tell you - you are HILARIOUS! And so spot on with your comments.
As a fellow future spinster for life... I agree wholeheartedley with your feelings on love. I am a hopeless romantic - I see Love everywhere - happening to other people.
I sit back alone watching all these googly eyd people walking holding hands and I wish I was feeling that again! Been ages!! A kiss? What the hell is that? Does kissing my cats count? Nope. I don't think i even know what a kiss with tongue is all about anymore!
Ok before I waffle endlessly on...
Shot on the Blog!
Will be back!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Chantelle!
Why thank you my little fellow spinster.
Us single chicks have to stick together, and even if it's our pets we're oozing love all over, well, I suppose it's the way it's got to be eh? ;)


Chantelle said...

Do you also find yourself shifting your attentions to other pasttimes as a replacement for love? ;-)
I am frikkin obsessive Eden Groupie ! ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

Yip. I certainly do.
Air Supply's Greatest Hits is my current infatuation.

No boyfriend would ever put up with it. Quite understandably.

Chantelle said...

Hey chick...
Can I list your Blog on my Site?
Would you mind?

Chantelle said...

ha ha - maybe THAT is the reason I am still single!My Eden obsession ha ha ha
Personally I think it is a combination of being full of Sh!t and plain Fussy!

Peas on Toast said...

Sure my dear, we can do I link swap if you like.

Chantelle said...

Cool bananas!!

Anonymous said...

Eish this post cut deep!Just broke up with my bfrend Sunday.I loved him but he clearly did not feel the same.I'm sad :( but part of me thinks we'l get back together (even sadder!)

Chantelle said...

Hey pea

Put you on my site - the peeps are gonna love this site! :-D

Have a great day - nice chatting!


Peas on Toast said...

Anon - man I'm so sorry babe. You and Hot Pink Flush (above). Lots of hugs, and it's not sad getting back with the ex. If it's for the right reasons, of course.
Best of luck to you. xxx

Chantelle - thanks babe. :)

Revolving Credit said...


Yesterday, you declared your love for both myself and Kevvie, all this while annoucing your enagagement to Big T.

This love thing really has you on a little merry-go-round doesn't it.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah. I got a big heart. There's room for everybody in here.

Even Mick Hucknell.

(Simply Red, man oh man oh man oh man....)

I need help.

Revolving Credit said...

I know..I can see it in your eyes..

Peas on Toast said...

Money's too tight to mention, though.

Revolving Credit said...

I know...It's only love that you're giving!

Gran said...

Ahhhh...now here's a real cynic. There is no such thing as love in a relationship with a man. The truest love you have is for your children and then there is the love/hate you have for your family and friends - but men ... There is lust at first sight and if you stay the distance you start to like each other - and if you really like each other you become comfortable and accepting and maybe it lasts.
On a lighter note there's loads of men out there for goodness sake just get on with it already!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - But if you don't know me by now, then oure' the air that I breathe.

Gran - Loads of men, sure. That's not my issue. It's finding one that is actually going to work.

And yes, unconditional love is one thing. That doesn't end or break even in the direst situations. Let's take my mother. After all the shit I gave her as a teenager, the lovely lady still loves me.
I agree with you about love and men - but I also believe, as I said in my post, that it can die and grow at the same time. Sometimes in one day.

Revolving Credit said...

In that case ....I’ll keep holding on.

Peas on Toast said...

Just say you love me all around the world.

Revolving Credit said...

The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain't faking

..now thats open to interpretation

Peas on Toast said...

No cigarettes or sleep.

Well, actually...

Anonymous said...

Guess what, i've never been head over heels inlove before!! I think i've prevented myself from falling inlove cos i've seen to many bad relationships.
Maybe oneday it will hit me when i least expect it!!

Revolving Credit said...

Well now...something got me started!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - wow, seriously? Admittedly, when I do fall in love, I get antsy. For the very same reasons. I'm scared shitless.

REv - I go to Lady Godiva's Room for your babies.

You have the CD in front of you, don't you little bugger? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

You should understand me like I understand you...umm no, website

Peas on Toast said...

But I'm holding back the years, because all the things we've been through, you should understand me like I understand you.

ThomG said...

Funny thing, but as humans, you can't not help falling in love. damn those higher brain functions, but it's a need. It's always going to be there. It kicks ass, and kicks our ass. But waddaya gonna do?

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - well said boychie. It sneaks up on you like a kick in the head and then screws you over.

Revolving Credit said...

Ah this is madness this is insane gloom.... reading these lyrics is fucking depressing

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - hahahahaha, isn't it great?? I love depressing lyrics.

You should hear Air Supply. Wonderful.

Here I am...the one that you love...asking for another dayyyyyy...understand...the one that you love...

It's pure toaster in the bath stuff.

Chester Pillow said...

Love is a Beatle, it's all you need...Do do do do do!

Revolving Credit said...

Chester, I think maybe we should just Let It Be!

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - both you and Rev have inspired me to switch on the old karaoke machine and belt out a few choons in the comfort of my living room.

The Ant isn't home yet, so lucky her.

Chester Pillow said...

Every Lucy wants a Diamond from the Sky!
MP, I've heard your Air Supply before, fantastic!

Anonymous said...

I'm soooo inlove!Made up with my boyfrend!I'm happy once agen!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - lucky you m'dear. Here's to your make-up sex. :)

Littleme said...

A really great post... I've been trying to tell my happily coupled friends for years that loving someone and not having them love you back is worse than being single for years now. I hate coupled people who say stuff like "the world is your oyester" if you're single, they really don't have a clue how tough it is wanting love and not having it...sigh