Friday, July 20, 2007

return of the pals

My mate Doc is coming back to South Africa again in August for a little while. This is exciting, mostly for him. In light of him not sweating out a third of his bodily fluids, which seems to be an unavoidably bothersome problem in India:

Peas: So you're schvitzing eh?
Doc: It's like 44 degrees outside in Delhi, I'm sweating quite considerably.
Peas: Like how much?
Doc: Like how you'd sweat before a first date.
Peas: Whatever Doc, I'm more chilled than a cucumber in a Siberian refrigerator.
Doc: Well I'm sweating like Dingaan's crotch after a stick fight.
Peas: That's quite a delicious image right there.
Doc: I'm sweating like Wally Hayward's jock strap after running the Comrades eight times in a row................I'm sweating like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok.................Like Shaka's pitt's after the Battle of Blood River............Like Angelina Jolie in thermals in a furnace.
Peas: Gosh. You certainly ARE sweating.
Doc: Correct. So did you ask your date to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane?
Peas: No.
Doc: I'm sweating like George W after he finally fathomed, two hours after it happened, the twin towers had been flown into.
Peas: As lovely as it is discussing your over-active sweat glands, I have a meeting to attend. Love you, bye.

Later:

The Dove: You and me, August, after buying nine bottles of wine, then proceed to get getting whoringly drunk, in the quarantined safety of my house.
Peas: Pardon? You live in Mallorca. In case you didn't, like, notice.
The Dove: I've been kicked out of my Spanish class for saying 'fuck.' Can't believe it. I mean, honestly, all I said was, “I can't fucking understand you”, and Sinorita Martinez had ¿el hernia? right there in the middle of the lesson. So I've had ¿el y nough. For the moment.
Peas: You're returning from Palma? Oh my aching cargo pants! I am so excited I could literally...well, I don't actually know what I could literally do, because I'm so excited.

Two of my best mates are coming back home for a few weeks. This is tremendously fucking brilliant.

PS: Doc: Still schvitzing like Hitler after he realised his girlfriend Eva Braun started a line of electric toothbrushes.

60 comments:

GoDsGiMp said...

Can you bottle sweat?

Peas on Toast said...

Would we want to?

That is the question.

GoDsGiMp said...

Like angels tears.. but smelly

Peas on Toast said...

Like armpit tears. :)
Yummy.

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp, why do you think they call it 'odour cologne'

That's the art of extreme recycling!

Peas, I take it that neither Doc nor Dove have any issues with Smile High?

GoDsGiMp said...

rev- thanks for clearing that up. Now i see why the ladies liek it so much. Bottled pheromones..

Peas on Toast said...

Morgen Revvie!

Smile High? HAHAHA. No issues that I know of.

:)

Revolving Credit said...

I wonder who works as the 'pit-milkers'?

Chester Pillow said...

Feel like a good sweat after reading that...have a good weekend Pea's!

GoDsGiMp said...

Hmm pit milkers.. well I suppose since it's possible to milk a cat.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - beeyootiful. Pit milkers?

Ches - you too doll. Enjoy the wild outdoors!

Revolving Credit said...

Have you been milking all of Chewy's cats??
Its no wonder that in all his posts, the cats in the pics look traumatised!

Peas on Toast said...

I can safely say I've never milked anything in my life.

Oh wait. There was that one time I milked dad for a private school edumacashun.

Revolving Credit said...

You milked your dad??? WTF

Peas on Toast said...

Cheeky shit.

K, I also milked a cow on a mate's farm once. Is that better?

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, were you breast-fed as a baby?

If you were, then guess what?? You've also milked your mom!!

Is there anybody in your family you haven't been milking??

Peas on Toast said...

And I suppose you weren't breast-fed Rev?

Sure...your mum used a breast pump, sure.
;)

Revolving Credit said...

Did you use the breast pump when milking your dad??

GoDsGiMp said...

Rev maybe you haven't been milked enough?

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - between you and me, I think Rev is dying to be milked.

"Milk me baby, oh yeah, bring out the breast pump baby and milk me..."

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp, did you just offer to milk me????

Do you think that we could patent the 'Pit Pump'?

GoDsGiMp said...

I wonder if Rev's milk would require pasteurization, also could it be used for fromage!

ChewTheCud said...

Guys - you can buy sweat, just not in this country yet. Look here ;)

Peas - You milked your dad? Now see here missy, thats frowned upon in these parts. Did you also milk a cow or a bull? The way you can tell is how much cream you get out - 100% creamy = bull ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Chews - I was a daddy's girl, what can I say? ;)

Can't remember what kind of bovine I add the pleasure of udder-pulling, I was but a mere lightie. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Chewy, are you refering to this scenario

Gimp, I think you're just trying to butter me up!

ChewTheCud said...

Gimp - You wanna dunk Marie Biscuits in Revs milk eh? Spread some out on crackers? Nasty ;)

Rev - You want Peas to milk you? Is she gonna suck it out? ;)

Peas - .... You milked your dad!?!

Peas on Toast said...

OK you little milkaholics, you suck!!

Can't we talk about penises or something normal like that?
;)

Revolving Credit said...

Chewy, I think Peas wants to milk your penis.

Don't worry Peas, it's low-fat!

Peas, you swapping the breast-pimp for a penis-pump?

Peas on Toast said...

When I said penises, I meant can we stop talking about the milking thereof.

Revolving Credit said...

OK, no more lactating.

So what exactly would you like to do with Chewy's penis...origami??

GoDsGiMp said...

Rev- i challenge you to make an origami penis. We want photo proof also

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah I'm with Godsgimp on this one.

C'mon Rev it's Friday, jump onto the funbus and show us what you've got!

Revolving Credit said...

As you wish, here you go, Origami Penis!

Revolving Credit said...

Hey Chews, why you so quiet??
Cat got your penis??

Peas on Toast said...

Impressive Rev. Who knew that penii could be so...transformable.

Revolving Credit said...

Chewy, show Peas how you can transform your penis into a medical instrument.

Peas, what do you think on his tongue-depresser....say AHHHH.!

Peas on Toast said...

Stop being Revolting, Credit.
:)

Revolving Credit said...

Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full??

PS. Weren't you were the one who requested the penis topic shift?

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah. Totally my fault, a stupid, thoughtless mistake. :)

GoDsGiMp said...

OMG- You doth search the google to hard rev..

GoDsGiMp said...

Plus it doesn't work, there some steps missing or something.. or maybe im just not good at origami..

Fo said...

lmao...just loving ur blog...
xoxo

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Fo! :)

ekke said...

Such udder nonsense.

*rimshot*

*cymbals*

aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm spent.

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp, I know it's higher grade, but tell you what, leave the extra folds in place and pretend it's an uncircumcised penis - that should make things easier for you!

Peas on Toast said...

Ekke - so tell us... like Rev, have you ever tried to make origami out of your manstick?

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you trying to see Ekke's penis pretzels??

Peas on Toast said...

Penis pretzels? Classic.

God that must hurt.

Revolving Credit said...

Hurt? Which part?

- The pretzel twisting?
- Rolling it in salt?
- Taking it all in???

Peas, when you nibble pretzels, do you prefer
'Honey & Mustard'
or
'Sour Cream & Chives'

Peas on Toast said...

I'll take either.

Quite honestly. The kind in the bag though, not the kind in one's doondies.

I'm a good girl, you know me.

ekke said...

I dunno. I don't think the combination of sour cream & my willy should ever happen...

Twisting and rolling I spose I could cope with...

ekke said...

Having said that, I realise that Honey & Mustard flavoured piel might just be a bit unsavoury.

For the girl I mean.

I don't really care what flavour my man-bits are.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, tell us, if penises came in flavours like Honey & Mustard or Chocolate Chocolate Chip, what would your favourite flavour be??

DaveRich said...

Oh Yeah! This smells like an Indian marathon runners doondies during pawpaw season...

Peas on Toast said...

My favourite? Wild garlic and cherry tomato.

You asked. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Daverich - oooooh nasty. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Must it taste like a cherry tomato or look like a cherry tomato?

Peas on Toast said...

No. A man candle shouldn't look like a cherry tomato.
Even in -2 degree temperatures.

ekke said...

Which takes us back to buttons on fur coats.

I wonder if sperm tastes like garlic after a pizza...

Sorry.

Thinking out loud...

tyrone said...

I have it on good authority that what we eat changes the flavour of our manjuice... So eat lots of chocolate and we get lots of loving from our better halves. WISH!

Peas, so what should mancandles look like then? Your preference of course.