My mate Doc is coming back to South Africa again in August for a little while. This is exciting, mostly for him. In light of him not sweating out a third of his bodily fluids, which seems to be an unavoidably bothersome problem in India:
Peas: So you're schvitzing eh?
Doc: It's like 44 degrees outside in Delhi, I'm sweating quite considerably.
Peas: Like how much?
Doc: Like how you'd sweat before a first date.
Peas: Whatever Doc, I'm more chilled than a cucumber in a Siberian refrigerator.
Doc: Well I'm sweating like Dingaan's crotch after a stick fight.
Peas: That's quite a delicious image right there.
Doc: I'm sweating like Wally Hayward's jock strap after running the Comrades eight times in a row................I'm sweating like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok.................Like Shaka's pitt's after the Battle of Blood River............Like Angelina Jolie in thermals in a furnace.
Peas: Gosh. You certainly ARE sweating.
Doc: Correct. So did you ask your date to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane?
Doc: I'm sweating like George W after he finally fathomed, two hours after it happened, the twin towers had been flown into.
Peas: As lovely as it is discussing your over-active sweat glands, I have a meeting to attend. Love you, bye.
The Dove: You and me, August, after buying nine bottles of wine, then proceed to get getting whoringly drunk, in the quarantined safety of my house.
Peas: Pardon? You live in Mallorca. In case you didn't, like, notice.
The Dove: I've been kicked out of my Spanish class for saying 'fuck.' Can't believe it. I mean, honestly, all I said was, “I can't fucking understand you”, and Sinorita Martinez had ¿el hernia? right there in the middle of the lesson. So I've had ¿el y nough. For the moment.
Peas: You're returning from Palma? Oh my aching cargo pants! I am so excited I could literally...well, I don't actually know what I could literally do, because I'm so excited.
Two of my best mates are coming back home for a few weeks. This is tremendously fucking brilliant.
PS: Doc: Still schvitzing like Hitler after he realised his girlfriend Eva Braun started a line of electric toothbrushes.