My mate Doc is coming back to South Africa again in August for a little while. This is exciting, mostly for him. In light of him not sweating out a third of his bodily fluids, which seems to be an unavoidably bothersome problem in India:
Peas: So you're schvitzing eh?
Doc: It's like 44 degrees outside in Delhi, I'm sweating quite considerably.
Peas: Like how much?
Doc: Like how you'd sweat before a first date.
Peas: Whatever Doc, I'm more chilled than a cucumber in a Siberian refrigerator.
Doc: Well I'm sweating like Dingaan's crotch after a stick fight.
Peas: That's quite a delicious image right there.
Doc: I'm sweating like Wally Hayward's jock strap after running the Comrades eight times in a row................I'm sweating like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok.................Like Shaka's pitt's after the Battle of Blood River............Like Angelina Jolie in thermals in a furnace.
Peas: Gosh. You certainly ARE sweating.
Doc: Correct. So did you ask your date to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane?
Peas: No.
Doc: I'm sweating like George W after he finally fathomed, two hours after it happened, the twin towers had been flown into.
Peas: As lovely as it is discussing your over-active sweat glands, I have a meeting to attend. Love you, bye.
Later:
The Dove: You and me, August, after buying nine bottles of wine, then proceed to get getting whoringly drunk, in the quarantined safety of my house.
Peas: Pardon? You live in Mallorca. In case you didn't, like, notice.
The Dove: I've been kicked out of my Spanish class for saying 'fuck.' Can't believe it. I mean, honestly, all I said was, “I can't fucking understand you”, and Sinorita Martinez had ¿el hernia? right there in the middle of the lesson. So I've had ¿el y nough. For the moment.
Peas: You're returning from Palma? Oh my aching cargo pants! I am so excited I could literally...well, I don't actually know what I could literally do, because I'm so excited.
Two of my best mates are coming back home for a few weeks. This is tremendously fucking brilliant.
PS: Doc: Still schvitzing like Hitler after he realised his girlfriend Eva Braun started a line of electric toothbrushes.
60 comments:
Can you bottle sweat?
Would we want to?
That is the question.
Like angels tears.. but smelly
Like armpit tears. :)
Yummy.
Gimp, why do you think they call it 'odour cologne'
That's the art of extreme recycling!
Peas, I take it that neither Doc nor Dove have any issues with Smile High?
rev- thanks for clearing that up. Now i see why the ladies liek it so much. Bottled pheromones..
Morgen Revvie!
Smile High? HAHAHA. No issues that I know of.
:)
I wonder who works as the 'pit-milkers'?
Feel like a good sweat after reading that...have a good weekend Pea's!
Hmm pit milkers.. well I suppose since it's possible to milk a cat.
Rev - beeyootiful. Pit milkers?
Ches - you too doll. Enjoy the wild outdoors!
Have you been milking all of Chewy's cats??
Its no wonder that in all his posts, the cats in the pics look traumatised!
I can safely say I've never milked anything in my life.
Oh wait. There was that one time I milked dad for a private school edumacashun.
You milked your dad??? WTF
Cheeky shit.
K, I also milked a cow on a mate's farm once. Is that better?
Peas, were you breast-fed as a baby?
If you were, then guess what?? You've also milked your mom!!
Is there anybody in your family you haven't been milking??
And I suppose you weren't breast-fed Rev?
Sure...your mum used a breast pump, sure.
;)
Did you use the breast pump when milking your dad??
Rev maybe you haven't been milked enough?
Godsgimp - between you and me, I think Rev is dying to be milked.
"Milk me baby, oh yeah, bring out the breast pump baby and milk me..."
Gimp, did you just offer to milk me????
Do you think that we could patent the 'Pit Pump'?
I wonder if Rev's milk would require pasteurization, also could it be used for fromage!
Guys - you can buy sweat, just not in this country yet. Look here ;)
Peas - You milked your dad? Now see here missy, thats frowned upon in these parts. Did you also milk a cow or a bull? The way you can tell is how much cream you get out - 100% creamy = bull ;)
Chews - I was a daddy's girl, what can I say? ;)
Can't remember what kind of bovine I add the pleasure of udder-pulling, I was but a mere lightie. :)
Chewy, are you refering to this scenario
Gimp, I think you're just trying to butter me up!
Gimp - You wanna dunk Marie Biscuits in Revs milk eh? Spread some out on crackers? Nasty ;)
Rev - You want Peas to milk you? Is she gonna suck it out? ;)
Peas - .... You milked your dad!?!
OK you little milkaholics, you suck!!
Can't we talk about penises or something normal like that?
;)
Chewy, I think Peas wants to milk your penis.
Don't worry Peas, it's low-fat!
Peas, you swapping the breast-pimp for a penis-pump?
When I said penises, I meant can we stop talking about the milking thereof.
OK, no more lactating.
So what exactly would you like to do with Chewy's penis...origami??
Rev- i challenge you to make an origami penis. We want photo proof also
Yeah I'm with Godsgimp on this one.
C'mon Rev it's Friday, jump onto the funbus and show us what you've got!
As you wish, here you go, Origami Penis!
Hey Chews, why you so quiet??
Cat got your penis??
Impressive Rev. Who knew that penii could be so...transformable.
Chewy, show Peas how you can transform your penis into a medical instrument.
Peas, what do you think on his tongue-depresser....say AHHHH.!
Stop being Revolting, Credit.
:)
Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full??
PS. Weren't you were the one who requested the penis topic shift?
Yeah. Totally my fault, a stupid, thoughtless mistake. :)
OMG- You doth search the google to hard rev..
Plus it doesn't work, there some steps missing or something.. or maybe im just not good at origami..
lmao...just loving ur blog...
xoxo
Thanks Fo! :)
Such udder nonsense.
*rimshot*
*cymbals*
aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm spent.
Gimp, I know it's higher grade, but tell you what, leave the extra folds in place and pretend it's an uncircumcised penis - that should make things easier for you!
Ekke - so tell us... like Rev, have you ever tried to make origami out of your manstick?
Peas, you trying to see Ekke's penis pretzels??
Penis pretzels? Classic.
God that must hurt.
Hurt? Which part?
- The pretzel twisting?
- Rolling it in salt?
- Taking it all in???
Peas, when you nibble pretzels, do you prefer
'Honey & Mustard'
or
'Sour Cream & Chives'
I'll take either.
Quite honestly. The kind in the bag though, not the kind in one's doondies.
I'm a good girl, you know me.
I dunno. I don't think the combination of sour cream & my willy should ever happen...
Twisting and rolling I spose I could cope with...
Having said that, I realise that Honey & Mustard flavoured piel might just be a bit unsavoury.
For the girl I mean.
I don't really care what flavour my man-bits are.
Peas, tell us, if penises came in flavours like Honey & Mustard or Chocolate Chocolate Chip, what would your favourite flavour be??
Oh Yeah! This smells like an Indian marathon runners doondies during pawpaw season...
My favourite? Wild garlic and cherry tomato.
You asked. ;)
Daverich - oooooh nasty. :)
Must it taste like a cherry tomato or look like a cherry tomato?
No. A man candle shouldn't look like a cherry tomato.
Even in -2 degree temperatures.
Which takes us back to buttons on fur coats.
I wonder if sperm tastes like garlic after a pizza...
Sorry.
Thinking out loud...
I have it on good authority that what we eat changes the flavour of our manjuice... So eat lots of chocolate and we get lots of loving from our better halves. WISH!
Peas, so what should mancandles look like then? Your preference of course.
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