Saturday, September 15, 2007

the birthday

I'm horrifically depressed.
This often happens around my birthday and Christmas, so it's completely normal.
Maybe it was the two gin and tonics I had last night, or maybe it's feeling old and helpless.

Twenty seven, oh my god, 27 years ago I was dispelled from mother's chute.
Being 26 was a helluva lot more hardcore than being 25. I can safely say it was the hardest, most taxing year of my life. The year of most growth – without a doubt. May 27 have less bumps in the road, my God, please.

Twenty-seven suddenly sounds so...grown up. Do I have to, like, be responsible now? Does this hactually mean I have to know what the fuck is happening with my tax returns? Do I have to be on top of my traffic fines?

God help me – do I need to take out life insurance?
Do I need to start seriously saving for my pension? With no husbank in sight, it would appear that my total life savings may get me a box, dog food and maybe a free copy of Homeless Talk when I'm 65.

Twenty seven irritatingly sounds like I'm meant to be mature. No more driving after two jaegermeisters, no more sucking random face (when single) at the Manhunt Club.
Looking after my health! Fuck!
Now I have to start taking vitamins for Over 25s, work out, like work out so that I don't get flabby arms, whilst checking for new wrinkles in the mirror.

I don't feel special, I feel depressed. At 26, I still had leeway. I could still fuck up, and people would generally turn a blind eye. Now there's no room for that.
Quite frankly, this whole “growing up” thing washes over me like an oil slick in the Indian Ocean. It's. Not. Cool. It's. Pants.

I suppose what could make it more bearable is a couple of alcoholic beverages with everyone after the day is over.

What I'm happy to have done in 27 years:
1)Written a book
2)Ran naked through the streets of Cape Town
3)Been able to drink 10 jaegerbombs and still stand
4)Got kicked out of Canada for insufficient visa requirements
5)Worked at a supermarket in the US and made friends called Bubba and Chip
6)Told someone in French to “go fuck themselves up their own doetpipe”
7)Pranged an Audi A3
8)Been loved once
9)Met Nelson Mandela. Twice.
10)Ate more smoked salmon than your average Norwegian

I may have to beat my way through this day with a stick.


Mel said...

Happy Birthday Peas!

Why don't you for today forget what age you're turning, and focus on the fact that it's your birthday, so people have to be nice to you and spoil you and make you feel special. And then, because it's Friday, go out for a great party. Just enjoy the day and have fun! And then once the actual day has passed, then you can start thinking about the reality of being twenty se... I mean, One Year Older [;-)] and what difference that will mean in your life?

Leigh-Anne said...

Oi. No need to panic, young lady!

You are exactly a day older than you were yesterday, and less than a week older than you were last weekend.

So, just, like, chill.


Anonymous said...

It's my birthday to-day as well, but just add 30 on to your's. However I am at work and wearing a pair of silver and pink fluffy wings..........It's attitude,not years - my sister is 5 years younger than me and about 25 years older. To-night, prawns and champers, can't wait. Enjoy your day and night and remember at least your boobs haven't dropped.

ordinarylife said...

Happy Birthday - have a great one. I am sure you will!

Have you started being called Tanie yet? That is when it gets scary!

Peaches said...

Happy birthday Peas!!!!!

I hear 27 is hte new 23 and is fabulous. Roll with it!


Peas on Toast said...

Ah thanks guys!

I suppose being 27 can't be so bad :)

Thanks for all your wishes. xx

Vimbai said...

Bonne anniversaire Peas! Here's to 27 more years!

You ran thru the streets of Cape Town didnt stay in Baxter while at UCT did you, those chicks had a tendancy for doing such things, hehe

Please explain why so many of you are born on this day? What breeding ritual occured/occurs 9 months back that has now forced me to buy bday cards in bulk to cater for those born today...mmmh?

Leigh-Anne said...

Vimbai - perhaps a New Years shag?

Peas on Toast said...

Vimbai - Thanks my dearie :)
In answer to your q's - I was in Tugwell (so close enough! :) and also, we're New Year's babies. Nine months from the festive season...our parents obviously have the time of their lives...until, yeah, so Leigh-Anne is right on the button :)

SheBee said...


27 - twenty smeven, man! just make everyone do everything for you all day today. That cheered me up lots!

Peas on Toast said...

Not a bad idea SheBee! I'll send my friends and boyfriend a list of what I need done right away! :)

Vimbai said...

Leigh: It's all making sense now - New Years Shags indeed!

Peas: I stayed in Tugwell too, only ritual i remember partaking in was inhaling harmful narcotics on the roof!

Mel said...

SheBee's right Peas. And milk it for all it's worth. Get everyone to spoil you because it's your birthday, but then, they have to go the extra mild because you're slightly depressed about it - they will have to pamper you until you're happy it's your birthday!

Peas on Toast said...

Mel - yeah, I'm liking this idea more and more - and am starting to feel decidedly more chipper!

This old hag isn't going down without a fight ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Happy Birthday bitch!

Now stop with the woe is me routine and get into birthday party mode.

Take this from someone who is in fact older than you.

There is no rule about having to act your age, act as you want.
What you'll start to realise more and more as you get older is that you can and will act as YOU want, not do things based on what OTHERS want or based on how you want them to perceive you.

It's quite liberating, I'm me - take me as I am or fuck off.

Now i'm going to act my age today. I'm about to skip out of the office, go watch some 20twenty cricket and probably get quite rat faced in preparation for the drinking session this evening when rugby starts. Now how mature is that.

The only difference is that when I was younger I couldn't afford the quality alcohol I can now.

**happy birthday slap on the ass**

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks my Reverend - trust you to always help me put a smile on the old face :)

Touche - it's rugga tonight and am planning to go balls to the various manners speaking. Also my ass says thanks :)

Revolving Credit said...

Balls to the wall

Sounds like you plan on bumping and grinding some lucky guy against a wall.

Glad to hear that slapping you on the ass puts a smile on your face, but then again, if I refer to yesterdays spanking comments, everything does make sense.

Heddles said...

Happy birthday poppet!
Best you forget about the digits. Numbers are arbitrary, man-made ways of keeping tabs anyway. Who gives a rat's arse? Go and get trousered tonight and I hope 747 spoils you stukkend!

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - it was such a nice slap, my boy. Do it again! :)

Heddles - thanks my dear, you've been awfully quiet on the writing front dollface - when you gonna update us! :)
And most certainly, trousered tonight I will be!

Revolving Credit said...

**spanky, spanky, spanky, tickle, grope, grin***

Nessers said...

Young Peas

Happy Happy birthday. This is not the end heheh. No you don't have to understand your tax form that is why god made accountants. As for getting a hubby - why do you need one, you are a lovely, vibrand young woman. Enjoy your birthday cos think about it if it was not for you none of this would be possible

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Nessers
Thank you my dear!
Yip, was being very tongue and cheek about the husbank, don't worry :)

And yes, thank God for the accountants! (Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!)

Leigh-Anne said...


Intentional or Freudian slip?!

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - intentional bru. Who wants a husband? Husbanks are way more fun...I think. ;)

David said...

don't stress - 30's are the new 20's - the need for maturity, marriage and a mortgage have been postponed 'til well into your 30's - eg. sucking face with randoms is a mandatory 30-something activity these days - you've got time, kid :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks David! And luckily at this moment, I'm not into sucking any random face, so that helps definitely! :)

Billy said...

Happy happy Peas. Chin up and party girl, its the one day of the year you can be reckless and have an excuse.

Have a good one.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks my darling Bill!
I will do, am pretty ready to end off this epic day (very unbirthday like with all the work!) on a bottle of Jack Daniels...
I met one of your mates the other night by the way, he popped in to visit my new roomie :)

totally cooked said...

Points 4 & 9 give you a lot in common with Winnie Mandela and she looks awesome for 70 ....

Peas on Toast said...

totally cooked - oh man, maybe I should go into politics? ;)
Also has shades of Manto in there as a whole, now that you mention it :)

ThomG said...

Happy birthday, Peas. It'll be OK. Just wait to you get to your 40s - that's when things get really confusing.

Peas on Toast said...

ThmG - thanks sweet thing! Bring on my 40s eh? ;)

George T Stagg said...

Christ, you are OLD

Hollywoodgal said...

Peas, Happy Birthday!
And look at it this way: you'll never be this YOUNG again.... so you gotta love it!

PS The 30's really are so, so much better than the 20's. I'd never go back to being mid- or late 20's. You are right, it is pants, but the best is still to come.

La Reine said...

I dont know you but Happy Birthday just the same. May God grant you many more.
I got my hands on a back issue South African Cosmopolitan and thusly here I am.(I'm sure that was a ghasly foreign thing to say...) I gotta tell you- your comment reel is about as nice a read as your blog.
Chillin for the next entry. :)

SilverSabre said...

Hello :)

You don't know me, but you are born exactly two years and two days before me. That pretty much makes you family as far as I'm concerned..well family or a fun night out..whichever comes first :)

Also your writing (as you are aware) rocks. So I have become one of your (numerous) fan-boys.

Loving your blog, and Happy belated. Glad you had a blast :)

All the best