Peas: So...in the week I've been away what's been crappening in Incestuous Jozi, Poen?
Peas: Wha-eva. Somebody must be screwing somebody, or stalking somebody, or some ex is having issues, people hooking up with people they shouldn't be hooking up with, pyscho people....you know the usual – the stuff that we thrive on?
C: Nope. It's been dead since you went away.
Peas: You been living in a cave this last week?
C: Pretty much.
Peas: A week never just goes by in this place where something incestuous or dumb or nuts doesn't happen between boys and girls our age.
C: Oh wait...something did happen.
Peas: Oh thank God. A bit of goss.
C: There was this hoax email about a tornado ripping through Joburg that made people panic and leave work early.
Peas: What? That's it? I frigging read about that already!
C: Oh, wait. Beth and John broke up. She's asking me if I've heard from him, and it's messy.
Peas: Who are Beth and John?
C: You don't remember them?
Peas: No. So that's not even classified as gossip.
C: Oh hang on. Jeremy and S went for dinner together the other day.
Peas: Ooooh. And?
C:...But nothing happened.
So let me get this straight. THERE IS NOT A STITCH OF GOSSIP ANYWHERE IN JOBURG RIGHT NOW?
C: Not a sausage.
Peas: Is everyone living in little chasms below the Earth's crust? No new engagements, no new nothings? No new “that bitch was climbing into my boyfriend last Friday?”
C: Everyone's been pretty quiet lately. No dramas.
Peas: Well I'll be damned. Maybe now that I'm back in town, things'll shake up.
C: Here's some fantastic gossip – you and Mr 747 aren't the talk of the town anymore! It's so three months ago. Although it was definitely worthy of much skinner in the beginning, as you know.
Peas: Now you're really clutching at straws.
C: Maybe we really are that old.
Peas: Never. I refuse to believe it.
My tan line. Ever-fading, ever-itchy, but I do like to stare at it whilst in the office.
The gold blinkini. What a beeeyoot.