Tuesday, October 16, 2007

are you joking though?

Peas: So...in the week I've been away what's been crappening in Incestuous Jozi, Poen?
C: Nothing.
Peas: Wha-eva. Somebody must be screwing somebody, or stalking somebody, or some ex is having issues, people hooking up with people they shouldn't be hooking up with, pyscho people....you know the usual – the stuff that we thrive on?
C: Nope. It's been dead since you went away.
Peas: You been living in a cave this last week?
C: Pretty much.
Peas: A week never just goes by in this place where something incestuous or dumb or nuts doesn't happen between boys and girls our age.
C: Oh wait...something did happen.
Peas: Oh thank God. A bit of goss.
C: There was this hoax email about a tornado ripping through Joburg that made people panic and leave work early.

[pause]

Peas: What? That's it? I frigging read about that already!
C: Oh, wait. Beth and John broke up. She's asking me if I've heard from him, and it's messy.
Peas: Who are Beth and John?
C: You don't remember them?
Peas: No. So that's not even classified as gossip.
C: Oh hang on. Jeremy and S went for dinner together the other day.
Peas: Ooooh. And?
C:...But nothing happened.
Peas: Oh.

[pause]

So let me get this straight. THERE IS NOT A STITCH OF GOSSIP ANYWHERE IN JOBURG RIGHT NOW?
C: Not a sausage.
Peas: Is everyone living in little chasms below the Earth's crust? No new engagements, no new nothings? No new “that bitch was climbing into my boyfriend last Friday?”
C: Everyone's been pretty quiet lately. No dramas.
Peas: Well I'll be damned. Maybe now that I'm back in town, things'll shake up.
C: Here's some fantastic gossip – you and Mr 747 aren't the talk of the town anymore! It's so three months ago. Although it was definitely worthy of much skinner in the beginning, as you know.
Peas: Now you're really clutching at straws.
C: Maybe we really are that old.
Peas: Never. I refuse to believe it.

PS:



My tan line. Ever-fading, ever-itchy, but I do like to stare at it whilst in the office.



The gold blinkini. What a beeeyoot.

33 comments:

3rm said...

you don't have any intention of blinding people with that back here in civilisation i hope...

Peas on Toast said...

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in! :)

I have every intention of blinding the masses 3RM, you know me. When you coming round to see it? (You're allowed to wear shades.)

KaBtalk said...

Peas...what's up with the colour of your carpet...screw the bikini...that's so 70s china! It's stealing all the limelight from the bikini!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - 70s or bust baby, it's how I roll. :)

3rm said...

as soon as this varsity crap is out of the way i'm there. can you lend me shades though cos i lost mine. p.s. waddayamean izzie boofed george. wtf? didn't he just get married like last week?

Peas on Toast said...

3rm - good luck with it dude. Yah and for real. He got married to the hot latino babe, and although Izzie is my favourite - she didn't approve of George's whole marraige thing and was a bit of a superbitch about the whole thing.
Then they got drunk and landed in bed together.

Can't wait for next week's!

SheBee said...

I really want that sarice pink carpet. for real. how do you spell serice?

cerice?

Sarees?

Sarece?

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, there appears to have been a bit of mis-communication.

The requested pic was of you wearing the blinkini bottoms but not the top so that you could prove to us that you had in fact tanned topless and therefore have not blinkini top tan lines!

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - cerise :)
Isn't it fantastical? I just about orgasm every time I walk over it.

Rev - my bad :) My tits aren't worth ogling at though, they're only a B. So I saved you he trouble. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Honey, you don't have to show us your tits if you don't want too.

Just take the pic from behind, that way we can see that there are no tan lines ie. no strap lines

And here you thought that all we wanted to do was look at your boobies.

This way we can verify the no tan lines and check our your ass in the blikini bottons.... :p

Peas on Toast said...

Can we not go by word alone? You know everything I say is 100% true!
:)

Revolving Credit said...

Yes, we believe you, now show us your ass,I mean tan line pic!

You want gossip, put pics of your ass on the web and we'll tell people...hahahaha

Simone said...

Hi Peas, new to your blog - just catching up with my mid-morning tea. Great to catch up on your adventures, as always.

Just one question though, and i ask you via comments and not via a PM, cos im sure others feel the same - I understand that Rev always has to bring in some kind of sexual overtone, but jeepers Rev, do you have nothing else constructive to say? It's funny up to a point. I know that people are free to say whatever they want to in the comments box,but i find it quite freaky. but then again, you probably know him personally, so its probably okay. i just find it a little psycho sometimes when you go over the line Rev.
anyway, Peas, love your work, as usual. nice bikini!
x

S

Peas on Toast said...

Simone - thanks my dear. :) As for Rev, well he's part of the furniture around these parts. I don't know if my comments roll would be the same without him to be honest. I've never met him before.
Also, and perhaps many haven't seen this side to Rev as yet, but when I've gone through some serious crap in the past, Rev has come through for me in a rather unbelievable way. The man might come across as, um, sexually liberated, but when the shit hits the fan, he has offered me some serious and sound advice and support before. I swear by it. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Something constructive……let me think?

I postulate that the lack of gossip worthy material is the direct result of the growing trend of self-imposed social isolation.
This phenomenon is inherent within any society where social norms and guidelines are degraded by the steady increase in physical crime and the clouding over of roles and responsibilities attributed to various arms of civil government. When these organs of state are perceived to be following an agenda which is hidden and counter to public interest, but rather act to the benefit of a hidden yet omnipotent few who operate in a realm above and beyond our legal and judicial frameworks. This perception of lawlessness is quite pervasive and over time fillers down through society and its social layers to in effect tear our social fabric.
When our social norms become fear and suspicion, our level of interactivity diminishes and the hostility becomes the prevailing attitude.
Inter personal encounters become less social and focus on the full functional. At this juncture there is no social commentary, or gossip, as peoples interaction are based purely on the task at hand with no cognisance of any social implications, deeper meaning or feelings which these encounters may stimulate. In summary, mistrust and lawlessness breeds and insular society.



No really fun, is it???
Doesn’t really put a smile of you face does it, assuming you’re still awake and didn’t doze off while reading?

Oh well, can’t please everybody! But that’s the great thing about blogging.
Simone, if you think I’m talking shit, honey, just tell me, I’m always looking for something new to twist… :p

Life’s to short to take it seriously, the stress will kill you.

By the way, I have never met Peas and don’t know what he looks like..promise.

PS. So Peas, about those pics…

Peas on Toast said...

My god, I'll give it you Rev - your verbosity is outstanding! :)

There are a few things you've said on this roll that I'll never, ever forget and have been institutionalised by me and my mates alike, but on the top of my head:

The Nik Nak Paddy Whack Give A Poen A Hone post (to your right under What's That Smell)

The anchorman hot-off-the-press commentary on when the jacarandas were being chopped down in Rosebank

The Revolvo product puntage :)

Revolving Credit said...

You won't believe how many of the Revolvo C Revolvo products Zuzula was willing to buy/subscribe to by the time I was done ...really got to find more time to continue that line of thought..

Remind be about the tree murdering commentary again...I'm getting old you know, so the memory is the first thing to fail.

Storm said...

howdy doo peasy!
glad to see you enjoyed the break....i'm still thoroughly and utterly jealous, even tho you have already returned to the world of the working class.
its sad when the gossip dries up ainit?
lets see if i can think of sumthin interesting to brighten up you lovely day.....

Revolving Credit said...

Hello Simone

You've gone awfully quite.
I hope I haven't offended you as that was not my intension.

Come on, say something??

or can't you come out and play?

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - I will have to pull the post from my archives, it was about a year ago I think, when the Gautrain started obliterating the suburb. It was pretty hysterical.

Storm - why hello there dollface! Hoegaanit? Yes I suppose us plebs have to return to our little office boxes after such a lovely trip! :)

Revolving Credit said...

Seeing as its a slow gossip day/week, is there any gossip you'd like to start???

Like Elton John is going to tour SA, but it's all just a guise to adopt some African orphans.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I reckon Elton is touring here to take the heat off Brangelina. While everyone goes to the concert to hear "Sacrifice" and "Rocket Man", they'll be adopting orphans outside the stadium, while the paps focus on Elton.

That's pretty plausible don't you think?

Revolving Credit said...

So you reckon that streetkids represent a viable export opportunity?

Revolving Credit said...

And as an added bonus, it brings more international concerts to our shores.

crayola dude said...

Well, I sort of asploded my girlfriend.

That's worth a page 6, at least...

Storm said...

revvie...its def a viable export oppertunity.....
Say...i just picked up a fat little piece of gossip....not that it involves anyone you know personally...but the dj dudey that i've been dating on and off got engaged!!!!! wtf????

and no.....not to me:-(

so one of SA's celebs just got engaged...does that tickle your interest peasy?

Peas on Toast said...

Crayola - classic, will def read!

Storm - oh know chine, was this out of the blue? As in was he seeing you as well as his new fiancee? Shame doll, I know how it feels when an ex boyf gets engaged. So who is it, who is it??

Storm said...

awe...very much outa the blue! i'm ok tho:-)

we had a bit of a weird relationship.....dating but not really being a serious couple of anything. but i didn't really expect him to get engaged!

the fiance is his ex!
good riddens to him tho.....he broke up with her because she cheated on him repeatedly...and now they're engaged...weird, very very weird

now now peasy....i can't tell......that would be.....uhm, TELLING...yeah ok, that was lame, but i couldn't think of a good come back:-(

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - aw man, that is a shitty scenario indeed! Silly, silly man - I mean he could've tried dating her for a while before he popped the question, let's face it. I hope you ok - it sounds like you're better off without him though.

The Divine Miss M said...

Peas, did you consider the fact that you're the gossiping one and without you the whole world just doesn't learn anything new and exciting? I'm a total gossiper so I'd sympathise. There is nothing I enjoy more than unloading a juicy bit of information that I know no one else should know :)

Oh and your bikini is preeetttyyy!!! I need a nice one for going to CT this year ...

Storm said...

i guess....he's a great guy tho...and for his sake i hope that the ex really did change as he believes.

but now....onto a lighter subject........any other arb gossip out there?????

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - you're right. I HATE a bit of drama. The world really does stop turning without it. :)
As for the blinkini - I searched this country hi-and low to find one, but only got a bronzey-greeny knock off. That is, until I saw this one beckoning to me from some shop in the Seychelles. But you never know - new season - you may find one pretty easily!

Storm - Well on arb gossip, I figure when I catch up with everyone over the weekend, new news will come to light. A ha! :)

ThomG said...

A filled bikini would have been my preference, but... I hear you about the gossip. Don't all these people know we have an obligation to blog all the ugliness around us? Sheesh.