Thursday, October 25, 2007

I found...

...three books on my mother's side table.

“Whatcha reading these days Mum?” I lean in closer to see, perhaps a little Jane Austen? Or a new Bill Bryson?

Sadly, no.

Making Love In The Dark;
Lovers Wild Fantasies ( in hard cover); and
The Concise Kama Sutra..

“Oh.”

“Ah those. They're just for fun."

Just for fun....Just for fun... races around my head in a dizzying fashion.

Peas: I'm going to lose my lunch.

Mum: They're for fun Peas! You want to borrow one?

Peas: No. It's OK. I think I'll survive if I don't borrow one of your...sex books.

Mum: I didn't buy them anyway. I mean, I was only warming to the idea when...

Peas: Stop. Let's go downstairs and pretend this never happened.

Mum: Good idea.

31 comments:

thing said...

Oh. No.

Peas on Toast said...

thing - Oh. Yes.

:(

I are wearing the jean pant said...

Lank funny :)

Amanzimtoti said...

Ha ha ha. Luckily I'll never be in that situation because my parents don't do it - they've only ever done it twice. (That's what my brother and I believe and we're sticking to that)

Peas on Toast said...

jean pant - I'm not certain it is, mate.

Toti - lemme guess...you hail from Durban South? And I absolutely agree - my parents do not have sex. My mum, dad and step-dad don't do that stuff. Ever. They should really just leave it up to me.

Amanzimtoti said...

No peas, I'm not actually from toti, I'm just sweet (and from the amanzi family). P.s. My boyfriend's parents are lank old. One day his mom said that she didn't have a lazy bone in her so I whispered to him that I'm sure his dad could fix that. He didn't think it was funny.

Peas on Toast said...

Toti - ah ok. It's like that KFC bucket ad, "I think your mom's hot." Anything to do with hotness and sex when it comes to the parentals just isn't humourous.

I'd like to think this is a universal thing with kids and parents all over the globe. From SA to Guinea, through the the US and Russia.

Betenoir said...

hahah! are we going to have to have a talk about where little Peas come from?

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - No. We're going to have a few stiff drinks and pretend that baby Peas was delivered by a stork. :)

crayola dude said...

It's always hard growing up and realising that your folks are still banging like a screen door in a hurricane.

crayola dude said...

And/or have dealings with an avian delivery service.

Either way, I think that soemtimes, it's hard being a person.

Peas on Toast said...

crayon - this is my mum and step-dad. It was my dad I thought who was blissfully banging away. I didn't put my mum and step dad to it.

Great. THREE parents. Who do it.

This is just perfect.

Peas on Toast said...

crayon - touche. It's definitely hard being a person.
:(

The Divine Miss M said...

Eew gross. My mother and I like to pretend that I'm a virgin who doesn't even a single clue about sex.

The most uncomfortable moments are when a sex scene comes on TV and we both get really nervous.

I'm pretty sure that she knows I am definitely NOT but it is just not something that we ever discuss.

Unfortunately I know my parents have sex as I've walked in on them a couple of times. *shudders*

Anonymous said...

Holy bejesus! The first thing I do when I get to work in the morning (well after my 45 minute breakfast!) is read your Blog but after reading this mornings one and having those pictures planted in my mind, no Peas, you've done badly! I am going to write to the IT dept. and tell them to add your Blog to the banned list along with Facebook...and porn sites!

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - now walking in on them is a whole new ballgame altogether. Wow wee...traumatic!

Just like I tell my mum not to read this blog (for her own protection), I want to forget the whole sex book moment...

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ok, sure thing....but please send me what you send your IT dept. That may be entertaining.

Are you the office whistleblower when it comes to Facebook bannings in the corporate environment?

Anonymous said...

Peas, I don't know if I should venture here - but somehow this could have been worse. You could have stumbled across some sex toys or kinky weird porn.
...like the trumatic discovery of my dad's kinky naked yoga position book.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - oh absolutely. And your dad's kinky yoga book sounds...hot :)

My mum has seen my dildo more than enough times as well, so it definitely could've been worse.

It's just that...they're, you know, doing it.

Shudder.

Revolving Credit said...

Well yes, if they're doing it properly, they will shudder!!

Personally I'd like my folks to still be doing it/ be capable of doing it til the day they die, rather later than sooner!

Why you ask?

Well, seeing as I am their progeny, if they're still able to shag 4 times a day when they're 85, there's a good genetic chance that I'll also be able to raise the flag at that age.

One needs to have something to look forward to in old age.

Vimbai said...

Repeat after me: "The stork delivered me to my parents, that is how i born, no funny business EVER occured, my mother is indeed The Virgin Mary incarnate"

Okay, you'll be fine now :-)

Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss!

Leigh Anne said...

Oh Peas.

Your mom's hot.

Of course she's doing it!

Reckless Youth said...

So Rev, when you're 85 will it still be Standard 3 chicks? Or will you have entered into the middle school phase by then?

Talk about dirty books...you don't want to read the version of "Dick and Jane" that Rev reads to his students.

Revolving Credit said...

Reckless Youth, or should I call you Retro Youth: You gotta get with the times.

Nobody reads 'Dick and Jane' anymore.
Actually, nobody reads anymore.

I send them a podcast, attaching the latest 'Heroes - Season 2' episode and a youtube link to 'Little Mosque on the Prairie'

We then discuss the geo-political implications of these latest offerings via MXit.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, your mum said 'I didn't buy them anyway', which may mean that they've already been passed on to her by someone else.

Now if you do borrow any of the books, listen carefully,
'Disinfect Them First',ok.

They were on the bedroom side table, so they may not just have been used as bedtime reading material, but more as instruction manuals.

Sorry to tell you, but not only were your folks having SEX, but they were probably engaging in some really kinky activities as well!

Wait, I'll get you a towel and a barf bag...hahahaha

Leigh Anne said...

Rev, I was about to make some smart alec remark about how not all youth are semi-literate and brag about how I read (voraciously, as a matter of fact)...

And then I realised I'm 23.

I don't qualify as youth anymore.

:'(

And MXit is so last season - you gotta get with the times!

Bing is currently de rigeur!

Faster, cheaper and a better gtalk gateway.

I'm told all the little suburban White kids are defecting there in droves - fewer Coloureds to cyber-bully them!

Peas on Toast said...

Vimnbai - thanks! I see you've taken the coolest approach here - as for Rev - I just threw up a little in my mouth bru.

I need to go home and drink myself into oblivion. If not for this, but because it's been the most hectic, stressful, pull-hair-out-in-clumps day on Earth....

Revolving Credit said...

Leigh-Anne, tell you what, go put on a short school girl dress and tie your hair in pigtails and we'll debate the 'are you still a youth' question!

Curious George said...

Strangest thing, Peas - I was looking for these 3 books on Amazon.com (always need some new reading material) and only the Kama Sutra one actually exists. Any idea where/who your mon got them from?

Anonymous said...

leigh anne: white capetonians are extremely prejudiced and narrow minded.

Renay said...

You are so funny babe!!! Your page makes me laugh every day!