Thursday, January 31, 2008

that wicked witchcraft

Misleading advertising rocks. Why?

It gives you a false sense of security. If the nice lady in the picture is putting Coca-Cola in the rosy-cheeked baby's feedtube, then surely it must be ok. It makes you believe you can be everything you want to be, and happiness is eptomised by wealth - even if you're standing in a rations queue with food stamps. Because even though you have a suspicion you're being had, you can't help but wonder if “Vanish is really a miracle all-stain removing product” or “If marijuana will most definitely turn you into a serial killer.” Because somehow the product will enhance your life and give you everything you need. Like this lake with swans floating on top of it. Because panpipes are marketed as pleasurable, soothing instruments – but we all know deep down that we'd go fucken mental if we were subjected to it for more than five and a half seconds. Because once upon a time, George W. Bush didn't exist. So adverts lied less than they do today. Oh and fat people could play ball. They play on sexuality. With knobs like those, and look how she's touching that thing – even I'm getting horny – whose gonna say no? Because every female out there wants to be a kept woman. Catch phrases. The gift that keeps on giving. (Holy smokes.) It tastes like shit, but pain is beauty. You'll still eat it, ladies. It just looks so fast in print.
We love a good brand name. Crapper's did particularly well, for instance. The name is now a verb, noun and a profanity.

Because with advertising, all things are possible. And lots of people are stupid.

25 comments:

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

jesus lady.

how fucking early do you get to work?

i've been up since 5, and hadn't expected anyone to have actually blogged yet.

holy smokes.

kyknoord said...

And "Peas on Toast" is not a handy guide to quick and easy vegetarian cooking.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

"bile beans"??????

what the FUCK?!

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - well, I'm not a natural morning person by all accounts, but this year I've been getting up before 6:00am. Once I've had my coffee, being up early is friggen fantastic. I work at home until about 7:00am, then head off to work.

PS: Bile beans. Can you imagine how shit those taste?

Kyk - My dad once fed me peas on toast. When mum was away. It was traumatic. So traumatic in fact, I names a blog after the meal.
:)

baffled said...

Do you finish writing stuff like this and feel fulfilled that you've achieved something? Advertising is false? Wow, what a revelation! What the hell is the point of this post?

Peas on Toast said...

baffled - who cares? What's the point of anything, right?

baffled said...

No, not right. Aren't you a professional writer? Doesn't some part of you feel a tiny bit ashamed when you waste time writing meaningless crap like this? There is absolutely no point in anything you've said here. It's not even funny or clever.

Peas on Toast said...

baffled - ah well. Can't please everyone.

baffled said...

Not like this, no. Shouldn't think it would please anyone. Guess writing like this is why Wibble is such a runaway success.

Peas on Toast said...

so tell me, why you wasting time leaving comments here anyway?
Thanks for all the hits. :)

Ordinarylife said...

There might be no point, but I think it is hysterical.

In fact your blog is about the only reason I come to work (internet access)!

Peas on Toast said...

Ordinary Life - ah thanks mate. :)
And comments like yours are what keeps me motivated, bless your heart!

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

baffled: surely the whole point of a blog is being able to write whatever you choose. surely being a professional writer is about doing the same. so what if you dont reveal anything new in your writing, if it makes people laugh or if they enjoy what they've just read....then, cool.

and writing is like advertising - even bad adverts get talked about.

that's the point....or so i thought....

sunrise said...

THRILLS: I like your way of thinking about bad advertising, I personally think that some brands create really shit ads to be spoken about, why else would panarotti's make such KAK ads.

PEAS: Nice one, my fav (although I dont think its an ad) - Is: would you like a nice cup of shut the FUCK up! Oh read my blog today...http://sunrisechipncheez.blogspot.com/

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - so so right. About bad ads being talked about. If it gleans some sort of verbal response from viewers, then it's obviously worked!

Sunrise - oh yes, a classic! How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up - it's a beeyoot :)

Thanks guys!

KaB said...

Well I think your post is funny contrary to what Baffled has muffled away at! It does have a point to, showing us how pathetic human beings are & how easily manipulated we are! The more we realise this (due to humourous accounts such as yours) the more likely we'll somehow make a change!

Gawd, I can't stand these loners who roam the blogosphere...go fug yourself!

Peas - you are the fishizzle!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - thanks my girl - love the word btw: FISHSHIZZLE. That's definitely a keeper! :)
xx

Champagne Heathen said...

Let a man try to blow smoke in my face, and see where it leads!!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - hahaha! Give us the scenario! (You're in a bar, the man blows smoke up your nose, and then....)

Champagne Heathen said...

...then he gives that slimey grin, of "oh yeah baby, you KNOW what I'm talkin about".

I lean closer to him, so the material of my top just so slightly falls forward to leave a gap of cleavage.

I smile slightly coyly, but also, slightly knowingly.

All the while, gradually resting my delicate hand on the inner dent of his waist.

And as I get close, I cough a lung up into his face.

:)

Can't handle my smoke.

Peas on Toast said...

Well now that IS sexy! :)

Champagne Heathen said...

I know! How is it that I could have been so single for so long with such blatant sexual suggestions just oozing from me!

Naa, I'd probably have done my very classy, "Mmm, so are we having tequilas then" *eyelid batter eyelid batter*.

He obviouly buys, now convinced he is "so in there". Getting sleazier and closer.
Little glasses of devil's heaven in a glass arrive. We drink. I do not show even a hint of the tequila affecting me. Smile cheesily. Say "Thanks hey!!".
And disappear.

See. Classy.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I thought it was brilliant! Poor baffled... *blondie shakes her head*

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - sure classier than what I'd do. Grab his scrotum or something and whisper, "refrain from smoking directly into my face, ballbag."

Blogshell - thanks babe, you're a peach! :)

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Love the knobs!