Friday, February 01, 2008

one gesture amongst the chaos


Hayzoos Christ.

Has anyone noticed how pothole-ridden our roads have become? In upmarket suburbs like Sandton and environs? It's a bloody disgrace. There goes my fucking fanbelt. Not to mention my shocks. Amongst loadsheddings, political unrest....
I have, in one week, received three speeding fines. All in almost the exact same place. The corner of Ettrick and Oxford, Parktown. It's the place where I dice the taxis. If you don't dice, you die. Dice or die, motherfuckers, dice or die. Now I've cranked up R600 in speeding fines. For the love of.

The Colony Arms was held up at gunpoint last Saturday. Eight guys came in, looted the place, allegedly beat people up and left. At around 2:30am. The Old Peas probably would've been there, funneling cane and cream soda like it was nobody's business and dry humping the bathroom wall. Fucken hectic. If the Colony is no longer a safe place to let your hair down and be disgusting, where is?

People send me late copy and expect me to perform miracles. When it is essentially tardy. As in, it's passed it's sell-by date. Sort your shit out; get organised. Am I a Crisis Manager? Am I a Social Worker or am I am journalist? No. Martha Stewart is a social worker, and I CAN'T BE BLAMED FOR SOMETHING THAT IS LATE. Ferfucksakes, here's your sign. I am extremely frustrated at work at the moment. I love the content part of it, but I feel like crying this morning.

But.

There's still mercy amidst The End Of Days. The Rapture. (Were The Christians right?)[Inner voice: No. It's just tough times, blame Eskom for everything, because it's easier and more scientific]
One essentially unrobotic form of humanity yesterday: The bus driver next to me at the robots in Braamfontein opened his doors and told me to lock my door. “It's not safe, madam, lock your door.”
Bless his Metrobus. Seriously. What a pleasant, yet refreshing gesture.

I also have an amazing set of fuck-off sunglasses.

747 has a virus. It's not just the 'flu – nay nay – it's a virus which his doctor claimed Lies dormant for years.. Poor pookie.
I do really love stroking his hair, especially when he's sick. And he makes those awesome purring noises. *

* Maybe I imagine the purring noises.

20 comments:

kyknoord said...

Lies dormant for years? Like Herpes Simplex? I hope you wash your hands after you stroke his hair.

The Chiz said...

uh oh

Happy couple zone

sunrise said...

As with cancer, is SA slowly de-generating at a sociolly acceptable pace that we all feel content with, some schmuck from NZ who turned down a humanitarian award, tunes that SA is going to turn into Zim, I thought this guy was some nutty fucker, although he has got me doubting myself...All this chit chat about leaving for Oz, NZ or Canada depressed me to no end. Lets sort out our little slice o' heaven, this place could really be grand! Put intelligent people in power.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Apparently like herpes yes. Oh dear, and I've touched my mouth at least five times today already...

Chiz - ha ha :)

Sunrise - I hear you. I've never been crazily pessimistic about this place, nor have I been crazily positive - just...apathetic. And now I'm starting to wonder where we might end up. And yes, emigration to Oz, NZ and Canada also depresses me. None of those places appeal to me whatsoever!

Jam said...

If there are tears on the way, you run upstairs now. M'kay?

3rm said...

sounds like you might need some flowers

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - you DO know you're the main reason I came into work today, right? ;)

You and Hot Pink - so glad you girlies are here!

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - you would guess right! Dinner deal is on dude, and I'll even roast a chicken. Although you gonna miss my fish fingers aren't you!

Champagne Heathen said...

Colony was held up at gun point??? But HOW?? Who on earth is mad enough to try to control 500 drunk 20-somethings while trying to get some cash. A very good thing it didn't get messy!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I think it did get messy - I can't imagine that it didn't, but unsure if anyone was seriously hurt or not. Brave tsotsis. And only getting braver when the lights are out.
It's flipping scary.

Revolving Credit said...

Chances are that the 500+ 20-somethings were so pissed that they didn't even notice that the place was being robbed!

3rm said...

actually, i'd prefer fish fingers. chicken is as close to a vegetable as makes no difference and you know how i feel about those

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - yeah probably not. It was probably "oh another fight. Let's get involved" scenario!

3RM - well then FUSH FUNGERS IT IS! :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Oooo, now I could eat some fish fingers. Um, maybe don't mind me, I'll just pop round later, sit in the corner keeping the blow-up doll company, and munch on some of those deepfried fish (Polony) fingers too.

I think I might have Friday morning post-Thursday-night-boozing munchies. My detox came to an abrupt halt last night.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - fish fingers I can do, but polony, stop the funbus!
So what's it like being off detox? I'm too scared to even try!

Champagne Heathen said...

No no, fish fingers ARE the polony of seafood. But at least they are tasty polony.

It was a fairly quiet night's ease into it. It has me slow, tired, clouded head, and wanting to eat anything & everything. Any of this ringing a bell?

It's Saturday I am nervous for - hosting a hen's party... in PE, aka. cheapest nastiest alcohol in the entire world. If I don't post on Monday it's cause I am still curled up under a row of plastic chairs in the PE airport's departure lounge, begging for mercy...Do you really want to be that chick?!? You gotta keep booze-free for me!

Oh - you'll be very happy to know - the hubby and the boyf..akk...the boy in my life met & got on fabulously. Too fabulously. The boy has now learnt & used the word "Vag-burger".

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I saw they'd met, nice one, so the crossing over went smoothly!

And good luck - booze in PE can only mean one thing - barbaric behaviour. Sail that flag lady!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Maybe the Christians were onto something... I mean the potholes are so bad and with all the rain we had a week or 2 ago, we may have to build an ark and paddle through the small dams.

Speeding fines suck. Have a wicked weekend sweetpea!

Uncle E said...

Being from the newspaper biz and to multiple deadlines, daily, I laughed my freakin' ass off at your photo manipulation!

Thanks for the laugh, Peas!

Peas on Toast said...

Uncle E and Blogshell - thanks guys :)
xx