Tuesday, January 22, 2008

why google earth is my best friend

1)It doesn't argue with me.
2)It whiles away much time when my friends smash tequila in their faces at the pub.
3)It's a new distraction from knitting 1 x crapper covering for the water closet.
4)It's a map. Jesus Christ, it's a 3D, rotating, zoomy-inny, global, map. I'm sliding off my chair as I write this. My libido reaches a new level of insanity when the word "map" is thrown around a room. Maps turn me on. Maps make my groin tingle.
5)It makes me feel like I'm travelling, even if I'm stuck in this load-shedding, politically unrestful, rainy old town filled with watering holes full of yummy Jaegermeister Joburgers.
6)It procrastinates me from pasting a hectic post about why I'm really not drinking and the issues surrounding it all – involving divorce and erasing the past.
7)It's Google Earth, what's not to love?

Look! It's my apartment block! Hey hey hey. It's my res building in Cape Town. It looks like a tampon from the side, but it's more like a...flailing, bursting concrete flower from above. The guy who built Tugwell Hall (and Leo Marquard) threw himself off the top of the building some years back, due to harsh architectural criticism...and probably manic depression. Or maybe insanity. Whatever, there it is: The ski resort I lived in for three months. In Colorado. This photo was obviously taken in summer, which makes it look like an...airfreight facility. But it really is beautiful, promise. The house I lived at, in France. The Guignards next door – what a treat. The house is directly below the “38320.” He used to look at me suntanning in the back yard through his binocs. But that's neither here nor there. My home in France was ideally located. 3 hours by high-speed train to Paris, a mere trot to Italy and the French Riviera; an hour from Geneva, Switzerland. (Banking city? Sure. But also huge party city, FYI.) The best and possibly most amazing part was that I lived in a village, (Herbeys) about 20 minutes from a large city (Grenoble). And! It was in the Alps. You don't get better than that. Now with the current stock market crashing, my retirement isn't looking so good. And thus, a future of frollicking in lavender fields eating wheels of camembert in Menerbes, in the Vaucluse in Provence, with a husbank, isn't looking bright. Aunty Peas with 8 000 cats living on dog food, holy Jesus, say it won't be so. But in case I win the lottery: My childhood home. Diagonally opposite that park, directly opposite that very bushy line of trees to the side of the park. It's now a National Heritage Site. I want to live in Berlin at least once in my life. Why? So I can own a fine German canine, the Dobermann Pinscher, which I shall name Schnappsie. I will only talk to the dog in German. (SCHNELLER, Schnappsie! Fuss! Gud hund! Wo bist mein kleinen uber hund? HALT Schnappsie, stop mauling the nice man's face.) And also, besides the language, Berlin sounds like a helluva interesting place. I love ze Germans, I love the food, the beer, the language and let's face it, it'll take months to get through Berlin's historical sites. Joburg CBD. Or at least the financial district. It's an old map, so the Nelson Mandela Bridge isn't there (so I cut it out of the picture.) I work very near to where the upper blue dot on the picture is. (The blue dot is the Johannesburg Public Library.)

24 comments:

kyknoord said...

Oh sure, Google Earth is your best friend now, but just wait until the stalkers find you.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - oh yeah? Well I can close my curtains any time I like.

:)

Gold digger said...

Hee hee... I recognise the area. My fiance works near there. You can get some larny munchies up the road...

Peas on Toast said...

Gold digger - tell me about it, it rocks! Fatima's samoosas on the corner of Commissioner & Simmonds are keeping my love handles well-nourished. :)

And then there're the cafes along Main Street....

3rm said...

you should really give up this whole toilet seat cover thing

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - Oh look, if it isn't Light Fingered Larry himself. Well punk, perhaps you should just GIVE ME BACK MY TOILET SEAT COVER, innit?

I know it was you.

Jam said...

Mmmm. That town area looks familiar...
Now I want a pic of my fav. coffee place.

3rm said...

for one thing, if i was gonna steal your toilet seat cover i would've done it like two years ago when it first started bugging the shit out of me. for another, if you're so sure it was me why would you make another one. its not like i'll have ample opportunity to steal the new one or anything.

p.s. you cooking tonight?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - which one? Ha ha ha, the one the divorced wife owns, or the one which the divorced husband owns one block away? ;)

3RM - Not cooking tonight Scumfefe. But tomorrah? I can't wait for my flowers! :)

PS: ou steal my new hand-crafted knitted toilet sweater, I'll be the bleakest person on (Google) Earth.

Revolving Credit said...

Well, if google earth maps turn you on then here's a map for you.

Peas on Toast said...

Ag Rev, you're so clever! :)

I thought of roaming around Gugulethu too, but found the slums of Sao Paulo too fascinating for words.
:)

The Divine Miss M said...

You're insane honey. I love looking at google maps too, does it for me as well ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - aren't they just the best? (Well just after sex and chocolate.)

Gold digger said...

I actually meant your residential area ;-) That italian place on the corner makes a mean butternut and feta pizza. Doesn't the traffic kill you?

Peas on Toast said...

Gold Digger - Ah. And yes, I'm a regular at the pizza place :) Convenience doesn't get better than that. Traffic used to kill me. But I found some back routes after a while, and now it takes about 20 minutes to town. Which is not too shabby. (Taxi build-ups permitting, etc etc)

Jam said...

I choose the cheaper one.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - me too. Besides they (practically) know us by name.

("The usual please." One decaf cappuccino and one normal cappuccino?
"That's correct.")

Ruby said...

i'm a google earth slut........i managed to spy on my brother in america once while I was on the phone with him...i managed to see him wave and everything

Peas on Toast said...

Ruby - You saw your brother wave? But I thought these were photographs from satellites that were taken in still time.....or am I being dumb?

(Example: That car on Oxford Road is still parked there on the map, and has been there for three days now. Impossible, since people steal cars on Oxford Road all the time. ;)

But maybe I'm missing something

Vimbai said...

Wow, the Tampon Towers have never looked so good! I swear when i lived in them, i kept hearing stories about how it all go up in flames in like 4mins and how the twin towers were meant to be torn down in 1983...eish.

Insane Insomniac said...

Google earth is great! Did you see the wonder of earth feature? It takes you aroudn the globe and shows the wierdest natural erm... formations.

Mate of mine moved from Berlin to London then back to Berlin. He loves it there. Apparently its really cheap and the men are hotter. (well, the gays ones at least..so he says)

PS - Did you hear the news about Heath Ledger?????

other-duke said...

I love all things Google, I want to name my first child Google... I wish I had invented Google dammit!! If for nothing more than to sit in a pile of money and make obscene gestures at Bill Gates and the Yahoo! boys :)

Ruby said...

you can get live feed too:-) hehe
but it's complicated and difficult, and i have no idea how it works...mu brother told me what to do while i was busy...maybe he made me go into some top secret site and i thought it wa sgoogle earth?? i dunno?

Anonymous said...

Maybe Ruby was on drucks when she her brother wave from a satellite on Google Earth. :D

Google Earth can't do no video. Nor can most of the satellites. The only satellites I know of that could show a person waving are owned by the US military and they have better things to do than focus on a guy waving to his sissie.

The reason Google uses photos is 'cos most of the time a large part of the earth is covered in cloud. The photos are a mix of photos taken on cloudless days.

I'd take the photo of your flat down. There are a lot of weird people on the intarweb.