Tuesday, February 26, 2008

dusting off the machinery

I'm officially back on my bike!
As the sting of my apparently-existing hamstrings starts to eat away at my Arty Brain (Arty Brain: a concept of being that prefers to lie on the couch watching telly/read a book/discuss an art movie/listen to 80s music) kicks in, I just remember a few things:

I want to be a friggin raging supermodel machine.

I will feel happy afterwards. Apparently there are little things called “endorphins” that kick in and make you feel super. Well I'm lacking clearly, because the only thing that used to make me feel instantly high and happy was A Grade pot. The Rastas will agree with me here, no doubt.

It means I can have super duper acrobatic sex.

And. I'll garner respect from those fitness freaks that tend to bombard me haphazardly during my weeks and make me feel like she who not only ate all the pies, but she who ate all the pies, the pie shop and Mrs Miggins. And bloody well enjoyed it.

Somewhere beneath the ruddy exterior of my thighs, there's a muscle screaming to come out.

PS: Like all habits, getting into a regular fitness routine takes five tries. Then you're in. You're part of the “I Exercise On A Regular Basis” club.
Smoking takes longer. And quitting makes you fat, psycho and dumb. Dumb because you have no idea where to put the hands. Fuck it. One thing at a time. Assholes.


kyknoord said...

I can't help thinking that there must be more dignified forms of exercise. Grave-digging, for example.
If anything, cycling may kill your sex life, because too much time on the saddle could turn your venus mons into a callus.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - well I think it's presumptuous to think I'd spend TOO much time on a bike. Let's be realistic, the chances of my poen turning into a callus are pretty slim. What I'm worried about is how sore my ass is today...feels like I got a proper pounding. From the bike of course.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

quitting smoking?



Nessers said...

Good for you - you beat me. I am still looking at my bike upstairs all warm and snug, feeling no remorse whatsoever about not putting my ass on it.

Betenoir said...

Amen to that sister.

all my good intentions about exercise came to an abrupt, screeching halt with summer. Now that things are a bit cooler and less sweaty, the time has come to get off my now-squishy arse and firm up.

next week, for sure.

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - well, yes, eventually. Today, not so much. Probably not tomorrow either. When I gave up booze, my head was in the right place. Getting my head around smoking (again, oh and again, and again)is proving difficult. :(

Nessers - I've been staring at my bike in perplexed wonder for months doll, so don't be so hard on yourself. Like everything in life, it takes a certain amount of mental preparation. Just like when I start spinning in a real gymnasium...sigh :)

Bete - nice one sistah, so you're going to get on yours too? Good luck, and here's to our so-called "endorphins" kicking in! :)

amanzimtoti said...

Unfortunately you won't be able to stop smoking on your own. You do need mental preparation, but since it's not only a mental dependancy but also a physical one, you'll need nicotine as well. Try nicorette.

Peas on Toast said...

Toti - yip. I've been down the nicorette path before. I even read the Alan Carr book. I've done everything short of Smokenders. But my head was in the right place. Now it's not - I will have to work on it and get that book out again.

Nessers said...

Yip I go to gym twice a week - to swipe my discovery card - still no feelings of guilt hehehe (this from someone who used to train a LOT

Now I don't care and I am better for it and the best part it I am not getting fat so it is all about what you put in your mouth *ahem*

amanzimtoti said...

Peas, the best motivation is to think about smokers in their mature years - all the premature wrinkles and age spots!

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - gym twice a week girl, you're way better off than me! :)

Toti - the list could go on. Black lungs, emphysema, croaky voice....smoker's are more aware of this than anyone else.

amanzimtoti said...

Yes, but I have to annoy you because smokers get all the best seats in restaurants.

KaB said...

I'm sorry to say, but this one was a clincher for me,

"Let's be realistic, the chances of my poen turning into a callus are pretty slim."

Slim indeed!

Lots of luck on the exercise front! I can report back in saying that the endorphins are flying high, although there is absolutely no acrobatic sex....where do I apply?!?

Peas on Toast said...

Toti - Ah well, perhaps you should take up smoking.

Kab - It'll take a while before I can be a sexual acrobat, don't worry. In the meantime, I'm building a trapeze above my bed. * wickedly rubs hands together *