Wednesday, February 27, 2008

the path - does it reach anywhere? Should it?

So. Relationships. Just my favourite topic on the planet. Right up there with “crazy monkey sex.”

There are so many “relationships” fusing around me right now, so many different ones, so many interesting ones, so many love stories.

God knows I've swung from one branch to another over the last 2-3 years, so I think I know enough about what I don't want. Is what you want essentially bad, or out of context with the basics? In other words, if you're set on getting married one day, should this be an important focus? What if your partner's apathy towards marriage is out of kilter with yours, would love be enough? (This is just an “if”, an example.)

Especially now, one can't help wondering whether your aspirations in a relationship are realistic. It's all very well telling your partner what you want upfront - but just as important– for it is about equality – should'nt we all ask our partners what their objectives are for a relationship? Sometimes knowing their objectives should give us a good background on whether they'll mirror ours.

Do they believe in marriage? Do they want children? Do they want to travel? Is a career their number one priority if they had to choose between you and work? If they went overseas tomorrow, would they want you to go with them, come hell or high water? (And would you want them to come along with you?) Perhaps these are questions every couple should face them at one point or another – it's just a matter of when.

So many couples have different criteria determining their own personal happiness. Taking my circle of friends as an example. Two of my best friends are in long distance relationships, and don't know whether they'll end up happily ever after, but are sure trying their hardest.
Another couple I know, the guy is moving overseas. Just like that. She doesn't want to go, so the end result remains open-ended.
Others are discussing children and weddings after a few months. Others have pushed one past the goal post and have married...[as a result?]
Others spend every waking moment together – sleep over most nights of the week, while some sort of stagnate with twice-a-week napovers. All of this leaves one with questions of their own. Or opinions of your own. (“I could never do that!” Or “I wish we were doing that!” Or “Are we even normal?”)

And this is what perplexes me. I know a couple who moved in together after two months. And are (apparently) happy as a collective pig in their own by-product. Then there are the couples who are happy to coast along, taking day-by-day for the next decade with no objectives or personal goals in all that time - I can quite openly say that is not me. But moving in after two months isn't me either. I firmly believe you only start to know someone when:

1)You've lived with them
2)You've weathered arguments/bad patches and come through the other side better people
3)You've seen and experienced them at their worst
4)You've spent a dense amount of time with them over a period of at least 8 months

I suppose one thinks of these things when times are a-changing. And it 'tis the season of baby-boomage and weddings. I'm obviously far far behind these people, but not only is it in your face the entire time, you can't help determining what you're doing, or at least if the path you're traveling, is right for you.

Just a leaf from a girl whose weathered a lot of hooks ups, fuck ups, cover ups and break ups.

18 comments:

kyknoord said...

I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some PIE!

Peas on Toast said...

Yes, Eric Cartman, I know.

But did you know that your mom is giving you the PowerPleasure E180? Go and take a look, it's on the top shelf of her cupboard.

Betenoir said...

kyk- nobody believes you. even I could take you down.

what kind of pie?

peas- I know what you mean... I used to be more "take it as it comes and an the consequences", but been there done that... also, no freakin' hippies.

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - ...warm apple American Pie. :)

Yeah, hippies would be ok, if it weren't for all that hideous...tie dye.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

who cares what other ppl think?

and if you dont get it right the first time....try again...and again....

both my parents have been married 4 times each (once to each other) and they're finally happy now.

they've each had two kids with different people (one of them me)
...

it's not easy knowing if you're on the right path.

but once you discover you're on the wrong one, there are plenty others to choose from!

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - wow your folks sound a little like me :) Suckers for punishment at the cost of investing everything time and again in order to find happiness. Glad to know I'm not alone! :)

If one's thing for sure, you go down the wrong path at least a few times until you find the right one. It's trial and error with a lot of error!
:)

Vimbai said...

Its all those hookups, fuckups, coverups along the way that make the journey worthwhile and provide you with a helluva story when you reach your destination (whoever or whatever that is) :-)

My wise two cents of the day :-)

Champagne Heathen said...

I think it's as you say: "Perhaps these are questions every couple should face them at one point or another – it's just a matter of when".

There is a unique dynamic with every relationship - so there are doubtfully exact rules of how to live out the "perfect" relationship. You two just have to be aware & reactive to how you two work.

Not much new said here by me. But I can't think too well today.

Now raid your dress up closet & get 747 dressed in fishnets & garters for a real test!..Rocky Horror Pic Show is on!

Jam said...

Each relationship is unique, since every person is unique.

My one main rule?

Communicate.

Peas on Toast said...

Vimbai - so they say! It's just whether anyone will be around to listen to it :)

Champers - yeah, this I know. It's just fascinating to see how others do it too. Like R100 bets for instance - ha ha! :)

Jam - yeah, absolutely 100%. Although I've also learnt that there are various ways in which to communicate, and often it's not only words...:)

Champagne Heathen said...

Ohgod, I know. What have I got myself into!!! There were more R100 bets placed last night. Dress a guy up in drag & the gay guys decide to bet their bottom dollar he's a keeper!

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - ha ha! :)

SilverSabre said...

thats so strange...

my current gf and i have discussed all those down to the letter..

which is a new experience.

and very cool.

Peas on Toast said...

Sabre - that's awesome that you guys can discuss that openly! Also that you've both thought it about it and are on the same page - there's a comfort in that. :)

Immi said...

I'm with Jam on this one. Every relationship is unique. As long as you're honest with your partner (and to yourself) on what you want (which can change), its all good.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Immi. :)

Sometimes I wonder if what I want is unrealistic or in jest. It's a tough line to dance on.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you meant to say "one thing's" and not "one's thing". Also, 'tis means it is so you can't say it 'tis.

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAHA, wanna bet? It 'tis unfortunate that you spend much of your time gleaning through words with your trusty little beady eye.

HHAHAHA, Can't wait for more!