So. Relationships. Just my favourite topic on the planet. Right up there with “crazy monkey sex.”
There are so many “relationships” fusing around me right now, so many different ones, so many interesting ones, so many love stories.
God knows I've swung from one branch to another over the last 2-3 years, so I think I know enough about what I don't want. Is what you want essentially bad, or out of context with the basics? In other words, if you're set on getting married one day, should this be an important focus? What if your partner's apathy towards marriage is out of kilter with yours, would love be enough? (This is just an “if”, an example.)
Especially now, one can't help wondering whether your aspirations in a relationship are realistic. It's all very well telling your partner what you want upfront - but just as important– for it is about equality – should'nt we all ask our partners what their objectives are for a relationship? Sometimes knowing their objectives should give us a good background on whether they'll mirror ours.
Do they believe in marriage? Do they want children? Do they want to travel? Is a career their number one priority if they had to choose between you and work? If they went overseas tomorrow, would they want you to go with them, come hell or high water? (And would you want them to come along with you?) Perhaps these are questions every couple should face them at one point or another – it's just a matter of when.
So many couples have different criteria determining their own personal happiness. Taking my circle of friends as an example. Two of my best friends are in long distance relationships, and don't know whether they'll end up happily ever after, but are sure trying their hardest.
Another couple I know, the guy is moving overseas. Just like that. She doesn't want to go, so the end result remains open-ended.
Others are discussing children and weddings after a few months. Others have pushed one past the goal post and have married...[as a result?]
Others spend every waking moment together – sleep over most nights of the week, while some sort of stagnate with twice-a-week napovers. All of this leaves one with questions of their own. Or opinions of your own. (“I could never do that!” Or “I wish we were doing that!” Or “Are we even normal?”)
And this is what perplexes me. I know a couple who moved in together after two months. And are (apparently) happy as a collective pig in their own by-product. Then there are the couples who are happy to coast along, taking day-by-day for the next decade with no objectives or personal goals in all that time - I can quite openly say that is not me. But moving in after two months isn't me either. I firmly believe you only start to know someone when:
1)You've lived with them
2)You've weathered arguments/bad patches and come through the other side better people
3)You've seen and experienced them at their worst
4)You've spent a dense amount of time with them over a period of at least 8 months
I suppose one thinks of these things when times are a-changing. And it 'tis the season of baby-boomage and weddings. I'm obviously far far behind these people, but not only is it in your face the entire time, you can't help determining what you're doing, or at least if the path you're traveling, is right for you.
Just a leaf from a girl whose weathered a lot of hooks ups, fuck ups, cover ups and break ups.