Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Sometimes I wonder

...whether people think I'm a nice person

...whether I am truly loved

....and if I'm not, is it totally terrible?

...whether those close to me can be trusted sometimes

...whether my father has ever truly listened to what I have to say

...whether if agreeing with whatever drunk people say is ethically correct

...if patience can be learnt

...if dishes can miraculously wash themselves. Mine did, but what about Martha's sink?

...if giving yourself a bald eagle is a good idea, because it's not that sexy. (Mates are in the pub, I'm in the bathroom. Why don't I just give myself an all-over poen wax?) nice it is that it's 7 months today, with 747

...whether I prefer cherise or red

...whether alcohol is the fluid that binds nations and simultaneously tears families apart

...whether crack is the new black

...whether I'll be able to next go on holiday. All I can see in my daydreams is an isolated, deserted place....the peace and quiet. And a bottle of Mampoer.

...whether I'm just surrounded by a world of pretenders.

...whether I am worth it, I am such a small speck on this ginormous globe.

...whether today, TODAY, I will get on that fucking bike. Get my ass to reform itself into an exquisite yet beautifully provocative proboscis-like body appendage.

Dear Peas

This is Future Peas. You've only been in contact with Past Peas, so here's a little note from me: get the hell on that bike. Jesus. Just do it. Today. Now. Today. Do it. This is mental preparation gone way too far woman. You've been promising for months. Do it. Today. TODAY.

PS: An SMS I received last night:


I replied to this person: Hi there. This is most likely 100% probably the wrong number. I'm not Rob, but hope it all works out.

Almost immediately straightaway I get a call from the same number. (The airtime has miraculously rectified itself)

It giggles and puts down the phone.

Teenage love. It's a beautiful thing.


kyknoord said...

I think you're a nice person, because others may have been tempted to send a reply text message along the lines of: "damn right it's over. gary sez he shagged u up the rs. i hate u!!"

Peas on Toast said...


Thanks for making my morgen, Kykzeit.

PS: How's this then: Gary is just ur mate? WHATEVA.I saw u taking it from bhind & it lo2ked like u were having a gr8 time. Bitch

No? Too contrived maybe? :)

Anonymous said...

I know you're a nice person :) stupid kyknoord beat me to say I think you're a nice person, anyways since I'm always right, you don't have to worry about that in future.

Aww 7 months, congrats! wow how time flies.

Why would you want a proboscis-like ass???????????????????? LOL that's very confusing, that would be a funny ass.



Peas on Toast said...

Aw thanks Chan! I honestly didn't want a proper ego-stroking by saying that in my post, but it doesn't hurt. Especially today :)

Oh and on the proboscis ass - Kim Kardashian dude. She has a mighty huge yet strangely pert ass. I mean, have you seen that thing? It can only be described as a proboscis.

It looks good too. :)

boldly benny said...

I have similar wonderings doll, whenever my brain settles I tend to wonder and question. Sometimes I question myself and sometimes I just question stuff!
Congrats on the 7 months and know that you are a great person.

Peas on Toast said...

Bodly - thanks my dear. :) It's good to know that others think along the same lines sometimes - and that I'm not alone in this sea of personal troubles :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Well, if someone had told me god was bringing donuts!! ...Then that would have been a WHOLE different story. See you all in church...

Peas, maybe think about it this way (excuse me here, I am on flu meds). If god is meant to be so incredibly fkcing awesomely wonderful and he can only get some of the world to like him. And then half of those guys are just in it for the heaven part at the end. Well, then, if each of us have even a few good mates to tide our time by, and who just love us to pieces, we're doing pretty damn well. Now tell that dodgy 747 to bring you choc-covered donuts and cover you in kisses just cause he thinks you are All That!

I have more meds and a church to find now.

Anonymous said...

a proboscis is a nose, peas. you must be an exceptional editor.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - Actually, a proboscis refers to a mosquito's nose, if we're going to be specific.

Champs - Good luck with the meds dude! Yeah it can't be all that bad, I'm just in a hectic mood today I think. Did a lot of hectic reworking stuff in my book last night, so maybe that's it. :) How goes your boy?

Champagne Heathen said...

They do add a great surreal edge to an average work day!

I was recently wondering where the book was. Great to hear it is still in the works!! And that does explain alot about wired moods!! Not to fear, it will pay for your stress bills at least.

The boy just saved himself - been too quiet for a whole 12 hours! but just saved himself by sending a gorgeous mail. Yes. I am still in pathetically cute & dopey beginning stages. All going too damn well. I feel schizo between the grinning & the freaking out.

I am also just happy you beat the odds/ showed up Jo'burg judgemental society, & you guys are cruising past 7 months!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - yeah. I didn't even think about what the others would think, haven't thought about that in ages! :)

Glad you and the boy are styling, enjoy it! The romantic stuff is finite, so definitely enjoy it, it's too much fun!

Anonymous said...

Yes, a mosquito's nose or a long human nose. So, sorry, you want an ass like a long/mosquito nose?

Did you just maybe use a word that sounds nice?

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - would any answer to the above satisfy you? Perhaps just get back to those spreadsheets. You'll gain more glory there.

Anonymous said...

I take my glory anywhere I can get it, Lori. And spreadsheets are for the weak.

Look forward to the novel.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ah excellent! I love it when an Anonymous uses my nickname. It makes me feel kind of special, thanks!

Shame that you "take my glory where I can get it" though. Your missus not giving you even attention?

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

if Loreal says 'you're worth it'....then it must be true!!!

Anonymous said...

No maám. I stick to hookers, even though they don't kiss on the lips.

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - I'd believe the L'oreal ad campaign if it weren't for the hot beautiful female stars that endorse the product. If Ugly Betty did it, then it would be a different story :)

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - I'll wave when I drive past you on Oxford Road then. Perhaps tell them you're feeling especially unglorified and need a little bit of extra attention at the minute. Maybe they'll throw in a kiss for free. Herpes pending.

Anonymous said...

Thanks man. Appreciated.

I'm not worried about herpes. Much like AIDS, you can't get it twice.

Peas on Toast said...

You'd be correct, Anon.

Good luck with that.

Tam said...

Hey Peas,
I see you are in Fairlady. Awesome, that has gotta be a SA first! should answer some of those questions I think, and congrats on 7 month.

I so relate to this post -reminds me of the maddening questions that would go thro my mind whenever I've smoked weed until I realised it doesn't make me giggle like other people, just question, question, question.

I suggest Club Makokola, Malawi, went there on honeymoon - it's a little slice of calm heaven

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Tam! Thank you :)
Ha ha I love that - "whenever I smoke weed I ask myself these questions."

The place in Malawi sounds wonderful, I just don't foresee me going anywhere until next year...sigh...

The Divine Miss M said...

I once replied to a message which clearly was sent after a guy drunkenly gave a girl the wrong number and she wanted to see him again.

I said "Hey last night was good fun but I don't think it'll ever happen again. I've got a girlfriend"

I never heard anything more after that. I'm such a bitch.

By the way Peas, never give yourself an allover wax! Leave that to the professionals!!!

Champagne Heathen said...

Anon - in actual fact it is possible to reinfect yourself with HIV/AIDS. This is why even when both partners are HIV+, they are still required to practice safe sex. "Reinfecting" involves being infected with other strains of HIV, that could increase a person's progression to AIDS, and to death.

Please Practice Safe Sex At All Times.

And here ends your Public Health Announcement for the Day. Thank you for caring! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - nice answer! I think if I was in the mood I am in today and that happened, I'd probably say the same thing!

PS: Yeah. I'll NEVER wax myself again. Ever. Lesson learnt :(

Champs - I nearly told Anon that as well. But I'm not certain is he was open to hearing that from me after brandishing my editorial skills. Obviously knows me too, if he's using my nickname. But hey coming from you, the expert might mean something! :)

KaB said...

Oh my...I'm the same...I can't seem to get back into's driving me nuts because I am running in the Two Oceans half marathon & won't be able to cope if I can't even get the fug up!

So...go ride your bike you lazy bitch!

KaB said...

Now that I've read your other comments...mine feels somewhat lame!

Oh takes all to make the world go round!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - you're FAR from lame babe. You're doing the Two Oceans half! That's brilliant m'dear. And thanks for the bike reminder - I need it. Lots!


ThomG said...

bald poen is creepy. But this is my opinion. And I'm so glad God's bringing the donuts; save me the maple log!