Tuesday, February 05, 2008

talking dog

3RM bought round his Daschund last night. Bless.
Peas: Throw out some good names for, say, five dogs.

3RM: Well it all depends. What dog?

Peas: First dog: a jolly great ginormous and hilarious Great Dane.

3RM: Duncan. No wait. Better. Nathan.
[pause]

Murray. Actually.

[pause]
My first dog was called Chico.

Peas: You called your dog a bottom-of-the-range Golf?

3RM: Got a good name for your Staffie dude. Warwick.

Peas: And my Dobermann if I had one more than Schnappsie?

3RM: Dieter. Or Herman the German.

Peas: Petra? Uber Hund?

3RM: Actually, a Staffie should probably be called Jock. Just because it's that cliché. No wait. Patrick.

Peas: Patrick?

3RM: It's just a fucken Staffie name.

Peas: See, unlike other dogs, Staffies think they're human. They really believe they should have the same privileges as man. And they should. They smile at you when they're happy. They actually fucken smile at you.

3RM: Yeah and the common misconception is that Staffies are aggressive, meanwhile they're timid in many cases.
....I had a Boerbull called Major. He look liked 85 kilos of lion, dude.

Peas: Boerbulls are hilarious. I know a dude who had to take his neighbour's Boerbull "Boetie" for a walk. The dog ended up dragging the 6 ft 6 dude across Republic Road.
The soles of his expensive brogues were shot by the end of the ordeal.

3RM: I had a Bull Terrior - an albino one – called Rushdie. He died 'cos he ate a whole bag of charcoal. He ate anything, including all my mate's mudflaps. We locked him up when people came over because he'd get started on the bumpers. Our sprinkler system had to be put in the trees.

Peas: I know a Daschund called Denzil. Oh and my Staffie ate my mate's new pair of Nikes. They sublimed. Turned from a solid to a gas. He consumed takkie.

3RM: ROLAND. ROLAND FOR A GREAT DANE.

Peas: ROLAND! My dad wants to call his next dog Norman.

3RM: Hank. Not Henry, just Hank.

Peas: My folks had a Great Dane, "Rocco" on their property. That wore tartan and teddy bear pajamas in winter. Swear to God, take the most regal dog in the neighbourhood, and dress him up like a pansy in a fleecy jumper. The other dogs must've laughed at him, poor bastard. 3RM: Yeah at least mine wears cammo and leopard print jerseys.
I miss having a dog.

27 comments:

kyknoord said...

I used to like dogs, but I'm vegetarian now.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah what a pity Kyk.

I heard cats taste very nice.

sunrise said...

That was great~!I have a bulldog called Jasper, its a monster Bulldog, that comes straight of of a Disney cartoon, it eats everything, eats your feet, and drinks out of the pool with its ass in the air and its massive canine balls hanging for all to see! Man I love that dog...takes after his ol' man.

Peas on Toast said...

sunrise - Jasper is a fabulous name! Especially for a bulldog, bless - I miss having a dog so much. My dad keeps my Staffie, and I miss him too much!

FiOnion said...

I have a white Bull Terrori--, oops, I mean Terrier who's called Marcus. He can smile better than The Joker out of Batman and makes the Duracell Bunny look comatose... :D

Peas on Toast said...

Fionion - MARCUS. I LOVE that!

I'm telling you, name's for pets are equally important as human names.

I mean, take my pet rat Chad. His full name is:

Chad Jean-Gilles Hayzoos Craig North Dakota Alexander Forbes.

Revolving Credit said...

You want a dog - maybe you should just get a collar for Chad and let him chew on your shoes?

boldly benny said...

I also really miss having a dog. My very first dog's name was Norman although my mom has a knack for giving animals really long, specially thought out names so instead of shortening Norm's name he soon became Norman Paddington!

Jam said...

Loki is my doberman's name. Loki is the norse god of mischief trickery and thieves. Mischief: chewing things, trickery: I'll divert you while I chew on something, Thief: Oh look, you left *xxx* for me on the kitchen counter where I have to stand to get it but it's mine anyway.
Well named.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - don't joke, apparently you can buy rat collars at Sandton Pet Store. Have you ever?

I think he'd look dashing in a bejewelled one. :)

Boldly - my dad would love you girl. He wants a Norman. And Norman Paddington reeks of nobility!

Jam - I have to meet Loki. That is too adorable! Well named too, by the sounds of things!

Nessers said...

Best dog I ever had was a Boxer called Toby and yes he smiled a lot. I now have a brown dog called Bruni, a mini Daschund called Lulu and another regular Daschund called Scamp (blame the kids not me *g*)

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - Aw, bless :)
Toby is my favourite, very very cute.

sunrise said...

Hey Peas, why dont you get some of your mates together and buy a dog and time share it, let the dog spend every third or fourth week/end with you and 747. Kind like a nucleur dog ownership thing. The dog will be so indulged, rad!
JASPER is the raddest most distinguished (I'll fu*ck you up if you choon me) name!

Ordinarylife said...

I finally moved into a house after a flat for MANY years and first thing I did was get a puppy. A German Shephard called Duke.

So cute, he is now 4 months and thinks he is a lap dog.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

I had a white staffie called Pavlov (ya know, after the scientist who did all those experiments with dogs)....she loved to chew bricks.

man, that dog could demolish a half-brick in about half an hour.

no lies.

we are getting The Kid a Jack Russell - those are seriously smart dogs. they're big dogs in little dogs bodies. was thinking of calling him Jasper or Flick.
(the dog, not The Kid)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

oh, we also had a brindle staffie named Jock.

got him from these old people who were moving into an old age home and couldn't keep him anymore.

Jock was lethal to flies. He would sit outside the back door, still as a statue, next thing you would just hear snapping jaws and then chewing and slobbering and licking lips.

That dog never missed a fly.

Mel said...

My fiance had a Boston Terrier with one brown eye and one blue eye. He got him as a puppy and at first they hated each other, but after time became inseparable. The dog's name was Pritt, because once he bit, he stuck! His favourite game was to bite a towel and then be swung round by the towel. Shame he would run after people with the towel in his mouth to get someone to play with him!

GoneWithTheWind said...

you people are weird...

The Divine Miss M said...

My first pet was a hamster and I called him Carrots. I have no idea why.

My dog was called Oscar The Border Collier. After some dog that I saw in the MacGyver series - nowadays it seems like every Tom, Dick and Harry are calling their children Oscar!

It freaks me out.

Nessers said...

/me growls at Gonewiththewind *g*

Revolving Credit said...

Hows about getting a pet hotdog??

You can stick it in your lunchbox and take it to work with you.

If it misbehaves, bite it!

MeeA said...

Pretty much every dog (and one cat) that we had before I was 10 was named Buddy. Later on I had a little Yorkshire Terror named Jimmy, and another named Robbie. They both used to stand in front of our gate and yap at all the big dogs that came past, tails wagging so that it looked like they were pumping the air required for barking through their backsides and out the front...

MeeA said...

Oh, we also had a Boerbul called Jethro.

Peas on Toast said...

Chaps, sorry I haven't been able to log on until now!
Am absolutely loving your input to names and dogs here!

Sunrise - I can't get a dog, as I have no private garden and the poor mutt will be left at home all day by itself....but one day definitely.

Ordinary - love the name Duke. My mate had a boxer called Duke. :)

Thrills - call the Kid's Jack Russel MATTHEW. Cmon, do it!

And love that you've had staffies too. :)

Mel - Pritt! See? Originality is everything in this game! :)

Wind - Pot-Blackathon as Kyk would say, eh? ;)

Miss M - my first dog was ALSO CALLED OSCAR! What a great name eh?

Rev - ...on sausages, 3RM and I were wondering why a Dascund is called that. Shouldn't it be called a BRATWURSTHUND?

meea - so you had multiple pets called Buddy? But didn't you get confused? ;) Bless! Jethro is great. All big dogs need strong, regal names!

KaB said...

Ah man...I love this topic!

We have a staffie called 'Lennox'! He's great yo...built like a brick shit house...literally knocks you off of your feet when he comes running! We had one before him called 'Tyson'! Yes, it's a boxing thing! And they do think they're human & he does smile at us...it's insanely uncanny!

I want a bulldog called either
Henry or Bogie! Two cats called Frank & Sinatra & a boerbull called China! The fun with names...

KaB said...

Ooh & Lennox aka Lenny the lion chews wood...if you ever need a wood chewer, he's your dawg! He sits gnawing at pieces of firewood...god help you if you try take it for the fire! He also barks uncontrollably at the raindrops in the pool...weird?!?

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - another Staffie lover! Aren't they the best little pooches on Earth?
Lennox and TYSON. I know another Staff called Tyson as well, it's the perfect name for the guy.

And mine's a wood chewer too. He'll wrap his jaws around a log - no but a LOG bru - and we can swing him around, he just won't let go. Ag, I miss my boy!