3RM bought round his Daschund last night. Bless.
Peas: Throw out some good names for, say, five dogs.
3RM: Well it all depends. What dog?
Peas: First dog: a jolly great ginormous and hilarious Great Dane.
3RM: Duncan. No wait. Better. Nathan.
My first dog was called Chico.
Peas: You called your dog a bottom-of-the-range Golf?
3RM: Got a good name for your Staffie dude. Warwick.
Peas: And my Dobermann if I had one more than Schnappsie?
3RM: Dieter. Or Herman the German.
Peas: Petra? Uber Hund?
3RM: Actually, a Staffie should probably be called Jock. Just because it's that cliché. No wait. Patrick.
3RM: It's just a fucken Staffie name.
Peas: See, unlike other dogs, Staffies think they're human. They really believe they should have the same privileges as man. And they should. They smile at you when they're happy. They actually fucken smile at you.
3RM: Yeah and the common misconception is that Staffies are aggressive, meanwhile they're timid in many cases.
....I had a Boerbull called Major. He look liked 85 kilos of lion, dude.
Peas: Boerbulls are hilarious. I know a dude who had to take his neighbour's Boerbull "Boetie" for a walk. The dog ended up dragging the 6 ft 6 dude across Republic Road.
The soles of his expensive brogues were shot by the end of the ordeal.
3RM: I had a Bull Terrior - an albino one – called Rushdie. He died 'cos he ate a whole bag of charcoal. He ate anything, including all my mate's mudflaps. We locked him up when people came over because he'd get started on the bumpers. Our sprinkler system had to be put in the trees.
Peas: I know a Daschund called Denzil. Oh and my Staffie ate my mate's new pair of Nikes. They sublimed. Turned from a solid to a gas. He consumed takkie.
3RM: ROLAND. ROLAND FOR A GREAT DANE.
Peas: ROLAND! My dad wants to call his next dog Norman.
3RM: Hank. Not Henry, just Hank.
Peas: My folks had a Great Dane, "Rocco" on their property. That wore tartan and teddy bear pajamas in winter. Swear to God, take the most regal dog in the neighbourhood, and dress him up like a pansy in a fleecy jumper. The other dogs must've laughed at him, poor bastard. 3RM: Yeah at least mine wears cammo and leopard print jerseys.
I miss having a dog.