Tuesday, March 25, 2008

my GOD

It's been a while since I did a straight 24 hour trip in a car without lying horizontal at least a little of the way.

Fuck. It feels as though I've run a marathon, everything hurts.

My step dad wanted to drive right through, and we're back in Bloem, but Jesus. We stopped in random towns across the karoo for a 20 minute kip here and there. Are they crazy?
Yes the Germans are crazy, so one shouldn't expect anything less regimented and boot campish.

Stuff, from over the last few weeks has finally unshocked itself. This is good. I'm feeling strong and rejuvenated, if not a little crusty around the edges which should rectify itself with my Wimpy coffee. It's amazing how quickly your life can change. You know, like in one week. If I had a sense of humour about this before, it's hit a new high. This moment of being outside and looking in. It's sunk in – everything is different. And it's not terrible. Three weeks ago I was in a relationship, had a job and didn't lock my doors when I drove.

Then I axed the boyfriend, got retrenched and freak out whenever one of those dudes walk passed with a “Buy A Box In This Tuscan Complex.” leaflet. All this drastic change in one foul swoop.
I played a lot of Shithead, started knitting furiously, and headed onto fiendish level in Sudoku and started contemplating much bigger things beyond my wildest imagination.

It's true change and shit times make you grow- why we need to grow is beyond me – I mean we die eventually anyway – but these incidents have escalated my expectations to a rather fanciful level. No more the usual. I have options of grandeur now, and I'm both terrified and excited at the same time.


Nessers said...

I am not sure why we need to grow heheh something about it being good for us I believe. Tomorrow I am closing what started as the happiest time of my life (for 8 years)and then became the worst 10 months of my life. Totally terrified of the future but can't avoid it any more. Hope you stay strong young Peas

Peas on Toast said...

Oh shit Nessers, that sounds serious! What is it, a business, a marraige? :( Either way, best of luck and if you feel it's the right thing, then it's the right thing - sending you lots of cyber hugs! xx

Anonymous said...

24 hours? Shee-it. I hope nobody hit the saurkraut too hard before you left.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - oy vey. Don't even whisper the word "pickled cabbage." I just couldn't bear it...

Anonymous said...

Hi...me again!

You said:- "All this drastic change in one foul swoop." Tsk..tsk!

Here is correct way in which to phrase it.


Jam said...

"Dark night of the soul" - google it as a concept for what you've been going through.
We always learn from our downs, we always come out stronger. Something it's good when everything ends so you begin again.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - tsk tsk indeed. At this moment, after 24 hours in a car, well, incorrect phrasings come with the territory. Good to see you here again.

Jam - Yeah I can feel my new life beginning, but it's still in that horrible little limbo phase...but luckily, I'm halfway through the most incredible scarf you've ever seen! Missed you this weekend babe, so let's do lunch this week. xx

ThomG said...

Hey, you might not want to hear it, but I have been living this quote for a time:

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
- Kenji Miyazawa

Peas on Toast said...

Nice one Thom! I like that. For heavens knows what's fueling me right now...pain fused with Cape grapes?