Wednesday, April 02, 2008

doodiloo doodiloo

OK enough's enough – I need to get some kind of non-permanent job soon or I'm going to go crazy. I am still waiting on a few things, so that's why I have to drag my heels. I have two huge options, and sadly, these could only fall into place a month from now.

I'm so cabin fevered I could literally...start a cult religion.

I mean, for one – I have watched seasons 1-9 of Seinfeld. I love Lainy, I want to be Lainy, I am in love with Elaine. She's ruthless. She does whatever the fuck she wants. Lainy is amazing. Get me out of my apartment!

Secondly, The Internet thing was good for a few days. It lost it's edge. And now it's freaking me out.

I have finished my scarf. With tassles and everything. What the fuck am I going to do now? I mean, 3RM told me I looked very Parisian yesterday. (Quoi?)

It's a very flattering compliment. And a small victory in my day, when one has no big goals, small victories turn into huge things.

I look very... Rive Gauche, he said. Not like a small cretin that lives on the banks of the Seine River? No, no, I look like a frustrated French artist. Ah, so I'm still me. Only better. Good.

“But I don't own a beret!”
3RM: “Only American tourists wear the berets, come on. You have the slightly disheveled hair, the sunglasses, the scarf and the demeanour.”

Wow. (Mais merci, mon invalide. Passez-moi les Gauloises Blondes!)

3RM, an experienced slacker, was trying to teach me how to be one. Because slackers generally don't give a shit, or plan for the future and all that – and now would be an apt time to try it out properly. I need to learn though. I'm way too ADD to be a slacker. I need to do shit all the time, or else I go a little bit mental.
So I can't really be a true slacker. Slackerism doesn't come au naturelle to me, sadly.

I'm unemployed and not really enjoying it. Although just looking at my scarf for a few minutes feels like I'm on drugs. It's this psychadelic I-just-took-acid, all-colours-of-the-rainbow woolen specimen. And if I stare at it long enough – I have the time, let's face it – it makes me feel like I'm tripping.

Arrgh. At least I have a few freelance writing opportunities, and one of my contracts has just been renewed. Yay! But still, I can't even rent movies from the shop across the road because I owe them 400 bucks. (Turns out the DVD was under a pile of magazines for 3 months.)

Chrysler Neon.

PS: Eminem has a track on his Greatest Hits CD entitled “Fack.” Now I love Eminem, I have an extraordinarily soft spot for the Detroit trailer prodigy. But Fack? Dude. I expected more from you. What was ever wrong with a good old fashioned Fuck? Is Fuck too risque for you suddenly? You going soft on me big boy? Jesus man, FUCK. ITS FUCK, NOT FACK.


Had dinner with The Dove last night. In a public space. Daring, not to mention great that they served cold wine by the glass. (Can't afford, or be asked to consume the entire bottle.)

The Dove is in film, and more recently has ventured into full-time advertising. She's a talented talented girl. We've decided we're going to write a script together. Maybe an art film, maybe a sitcom, maybe even a slasher movie. Whatever. Might as well give it a bash.


Anonymous said...

A French art film would probably be the easiest: Meaningful looks with zero dialogue; weird camera angles; and really shitty lighting. And cigarettes.

Eric said...

how do ppl get hold of you???

maybe you can get involved in our new startup

not sure but just throwing it out there

so go to the contact page on springleap and send me your details, and lets chat


Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - it can be done...and since there's fucking LOADSHEDDING RIGHT NOW AND I HAVEN'T EVEN MANAGED TO HAVE A FRIGGING CUP OF COFFEE....I might not live to make this shitty-angled film.

Eric - Hi! My email address is if you'd like to send me details on what you do etc etc?

Champagne Heathen said...

I know an adoption home where the little kids would go crazy with happiness if you chilled with them there for most of the month.
That's your only requirement as a volunteer there... play with the kids & give them love.
You do have to really like kids though, them throwing up & crying and all.

KaB said...

Why not volunteer at an SPCA or something...doggies & kitties love people & I'm sure you'll get a big phat smile & mushy feeling inside afterwards!

As for the film...I'd watch it! Why not organise some expose (kuppie thing suppose to be there)but an exciting, daring one...on say...oh who the fuck cares...just do something or someone!

Or, why not go join Sea Shepherd & fight off mean ugly men who kill animals (baby seals really)'s cheap & very satisfying!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I thought of that. I DID make one amazing au pair once. I like the idea of helping dogs though - like Kab suggests below. I've volunteered at the SPCA before, so these aren't bad ideas at all chaps. I suppose I have the time, and doing something nice would be, well, nice.

Oh and on the seal hunt - been watching Sky News, and those seal hunters make my blood run cold. I'd probably kill them with my bare hands if I went near them.

The Divine Miss M said...

I can't use either library in my area as I owe about £40 to each one. Not sure how THAT happened or how I managed it at both but hey.

The local DVD store automatically takes the money off your account if you're late with your returns here. The bastards.

I also subscribe to one of those online dvd hire where you pay £7.95 a month and they post you the DVD's you want for free. Except I can't find High School Musical and have been paying £7.95 for 8 months now.

Damn that is an expensive copy of High School Musical!

Damn. Why was I watching High School Musical?

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - that's hilarious :)
I hear you though - I don't feel like getting into my car and going to The Colony Video Store when I can go across the road in my pyjamas....sigh.

I mean, I've seen every single Seinfeld episode, now I want to get every single Little Britain episode that ever was.

Revolving Credit said...

What do you mean you ahev nothing to do??

Have you been writing?
Are you working on the book?

Now stop slacking off and get down to some serious writing!!..ok!!

PS. Please post pic of scarf...I could do with some on-line acid.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - yes, I will def take a pic of my wooly artwork, I'm on it :)

And yip, I will be working on my latest manuscript from this weekend again. So next week, I'll be a fully fledged unpaid author.

Just like the romantic illusions of authordom and book writers afford us. Without the cottage in Provence. :)

I'm also writing freelance stories, but for the most part - I don't have an office to fanny about maybe being a slacker out of the office feels a bit strange!

The Divine Miss M said...

Little Britain season 2 went downhill for me. It got too crude and tried to shock too much.

Catherine Tate rocks! Seen The Mighty Boosh?

Revolving Credit said...

Free Lance??

Why was he imprisoned?

KaB said...

I hate those fucking seal hunters...I was so happy to see that some of them got their comeuppance the other day...die mother fuckers!

I hate it...with such a completely freaks me out!

Go play with will be good for your soul...meh!

Champagne Heathen said...

Personally, I hate the lions and the way they slaughter those poor impala. Really. Could they not do it more gently. Actually, more especially, I detest those wild dogs. I hear they are the worst when playing their "Circle of Life" carnivore role.

And I see that if a person doesn't like the seal hunt, then they should boycott Canadian seafood. Which for me becomes a win-win situation, seeing that Canadian fishermen are killing the seals because the two are competing for natural resoures, in a limited area... Less people eating Canadian fish = more fish available = less angry Canadian fishermen = more seals to stay alive.

Although, the economic consequences for those fishermen/ seal hunters might be terrible for their individual lives, but ah well, someone's gotta suffer...

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - ah, me and Catherine go back. Isn't she amazing? I have her on DVD, but I fear I've seen too much lately. Haven't seen her Boosh though? (tee hee)

Rev - yeah he coudln't break out with Wenty. Poor sod. :)

Kab - you and me both babe. The thing on Sky was horrible. And they not giving permits to the press anymore. Which makes you wonder. Grrrrrr.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - they said something about the seals having eaten all the cod in the Bay of St Laurence, so they need to "cull" the seals. Hogwash. They raped the sea themselves.

Revolving Credit said...

I sooo like to see some of these idiots trying to go lion clubbing instead of seal clubbing!

Eric said...

if it hadn't been for blog awards i wouldn't have come back to your blog and wouldn't have seen the message you left for me! :)

but i did...

and just mailed you